Break Up & Divorce

Don't Try To Make Sense of Your Ex

So I wanted to make a follow-up to my previous Take Walk Away From Confusing “Signs” After A Breakup to further encourage everyone who is in this situation to keep staying strong. And to give more insight on specific questions I see a lot on Quora and also on GaG.

Dont Try To Make Sense of Your Ex

A lot of people ask the questions I have below, searching or hoping for some kind of meaning in these situations. I did too after my own breakup, trying to make sense of her strangeness for months, until I had to realize there was nothing in it and move on with my own life. An enormous number of people struggle with letting go of someone who let go of them, and I want to help you get through that and into a new mindset of a lover who is meant for you.

Why did they block me on social media but not my number?

This is a really common one that leaves a lot of people scratching their heads. They think just because an ex blocked them everywhere but not their number, means there's something to it, some kind of hope. They may not have blocked your number as the only contact because they want to try to leave some kind of door open. Maybe as a lifeline or an option they can swing back over to later on down the road. Either way, the fact that they blocked you everywhere else is a clear indication they don’t want to be associated with you anymore - which I know and understand is sad for you, but it is the case.

Dont Try To Make Sense of Your Ex

Also ask yourself, if your ex suddenly wanted to text you again a month later, or even several months or a year later, would you really be okay with that? You should also wonder why they’re reaching out at that point? Is it to apologize? Or because they messed up and want you back? Would you be okay with taking back someone who discarded you and blocked you everywhere, but now wants to reconnect? Ask yourself this regularly until you’re through the pain of the breakup.

Why do they look at my stories but never say anything?

This was my situation some months after the breakup, and apparently I wasn’t as alone as I thought I was in this situation. Turns out a lot of people have this same experience and asked about it as well. I’d also even read an article about exes or brief dating partners who either broke up with someone or ghosted them entirely, but will still watch the other person and their stories on social media without ever saying anything to them - sometimes even for years according to some people’s experience. So why would a person do this?

It could be because they just want to see what you’re doing with your life, if you moved on with someone else, or see how you’re taking it since they ghosted you or broke up, or still have some kinds of feelings or interest but are too cowardly to say anything.

Dont Try To Make Sense of Your Ex

Once again, ask yourself: would you really want to be involved with someone who exhibits neurotic behavior like this? Watching you and your every story but never having anything to say? Are you truly happy with hoping and believing that it means they still want you or will some day reach out? Anyone who can do something strange like this should actually throw up a major red flag for you, because it tells you a good deal about them.

Once I realized this about my own ex, I stopped holding on to hope. I finally decided to block all her fake accounts that were watching me. Not only to shut her down, but also so I could finally move on with my own life. It even disgusts me to look back on that and see how I wasted time even having hope for someone like that. Rear vision really is clear vision.

Why did they block me but then unblock me, and blocked me again?

Because they are a nutty ex who has shown you just how nutty they are. Blocking is a microaggression, and anyone who can block and then unblock you back and forth is not someone you really want to be in a relationship with, is it? They are either going to block you and keep you there or not.

They are probably doing it hoping you notice so that it gets to you and manipulates you emotionally, or to give you the run-around. Not because they were rethinking things and then changed their mind. What kind of a loving person would show behaviors like this? And do you honestly feel good about it? Do you really want to spend your time trying to get that kind of person back?

Dont Try To Make Sense of Your Ex

Let them block you. And block them back. Let them know you won’t tolerate that. Whenever you show someone like that exactly what they show you, they get floored by it and can’t deal with it. So give them their own medicine, and lock the door behind you. Permanently.

Why did they unadd me from social media but still like my posts?

Maybe they do because they think it’s a soft way of still having a certain connection with you, and they don’t want you to think that just because they unadded you means they hate you. They just don’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore.

Either way, don’t say anything to them. Just like they aren’t saying anything to you. Take it as a compliment that they notice your posts and give them Likes, and expect nothing more. Keep living your life and doing you.

Why do they read my texts but never reply?

This is another extremely common question, and also where I was in the early stages of the breakup too, thinking it must’ve meant something. But it doesn’t. I honestly have no idea why anyone who dumped you or blocked you everywhere but your number would still read your texts. People often say things like, “Why are you even still texting your ex?” which is a true point, but we can also ask why would someone’s ex bother to read their messages since they were the one who dumped them?

Either way, there’s no deep meaning in it and nothing to glean any hope from. I’m sure a few weeks since you last texted your ex and they read it but didn’t say anything turned into a month, or a few months, or even a year and you still never got a response.

Dont Try To Make Sense of Your Ex

Regardless of the reason, they are ignoring you, that much is clear. Would you ever want to reconnect with someone who does this? The ex who blocks your number, or at least deletes any text you send them without reading them, is more honorable than someone who dumped you but still bothers reading your messages. Why? Because the ex who blocks your number or deletes your texts makes it clear they don’t want anymore contact, and leaves no guessing games for you.

Why did they do (this or that)?

A lot of times after a relationship ends, and if it was in a particularly hurtful way, we will usually try to make sense of it. We'll ask why did they do that? Why did they just block me like that and never say why? Why did they act so strangely before the breakup? Why were they doing this or that in the days leading up to it? Why did they say this or that just before ghosting me? Why did they get so quiet before finally telling me it's over? Etc.

When we try to make sense of it, it's because deep down we're still emotionally invested in someone who is no longer invested in us, or maybe never even was. So we ask all those questions because we don't really want to let go and are looking for answers or hope for a reconnection. We'll rack our brains out for weeks or months, not moving on, and deep down not trying to move on, only holding ourselves back and chasing hope and answers that will never grant us our wish.

Dont Try To Make Sense of Your Ex

We also ask those questions because we find it hard to believe that the person we thought was so incredibly great and wonderful in our lives could do such painful, hurtful things. People all over the world deal with the same thing every day, never thinking such a beautiful person could do such ugly things to breakup with them. But they do. And the signs were probably there but you didn't want to recognize them.

I learned that wondering and trying to make sense of it is really not that important. What is important is that by doing what your ex did, they showed you everything you needed to know. Which is that they are not the right person for you and still being with them would probably result in a worse case. So even if you ever did get your answer to why they left you, why they did this or that strange thing, said this, ghosted you, etc. would you still want that person back?

Resolve to let go

Being fixated on someone who is gone is one of the absolute worst, most anguishing things you can experience in life. I know that oftentimes people struggle with the past and the memories with the person who broke up with you. They are suffering with the grief of losing them, which is perfectly normal. But for whatever reason, they also tend to want to hold on to the person who dumps you and does the things I listed above. They can’t seem to let go because it’s the memories they miss, and the great times. They want those things back and feel like they’re completely left behind when the other person ends the relationship.

Trust me, I understand all of this pain and how you’re feeling.

But you have to let clarity break through the haze and realize that your situation shows you that person is not the best for you. Just like I said in the previous Take, whatever is meant for you will be for you. The perfect person for you who comes into your life is going to stay there. They are not going to walk away and then do all kinds of unclear things that keep you guessing or yank your emotions back and forth. Any ex lover who is doing unclear things is not a lover you would want in your life, because if you let them back in, they’re highly likely to walk away again, and the cycle will just continue.

Dont Try To Make Sense of Your Ex

So resolve today to stop prioritizing a concern for someone who is not really concerned about you. Forget about them reading your texts but never replying, or watching you on social media and never saying anything, none of it really means anything. It’s simply confusion that is supposed to look like hope, and you don’t want to spend your days trying to decode unclearness that amounts to nothing.

Learn from your experience with that person and what it taught you, and work and focus on yourself so that you are prepared for the right person when they do come into your life.

Namaste, and good luck.

Don't Try To Make Sense of Your Ex
Post Opinion