A lot of people struggle with this. I did too after a breakup once. So many people tend to think their relationship is not really over and that there are telltale clues that their ex is still thinking about them or wants them - which is true sometimes. And other times, we’re just imagining that there’s still more to the story and we can’t part with it yet.
What is mostly happening is that you’re dealing with feelings of denial and the panic and anxiety that you’ve lost that person forever - and I completely understand and have sympathy for your pain. We can be desperate to believe that our situation isn’t set in stone, that it’s not fully over, and that our dumper still cares but can’t say it, or regrets the breakup. All of this can be true, and even the coaches talk about it, but you also shouldn’t dedicate your life and time to sitting around hoping and waiting for them to get over their guilt and one day text you or call and say they want to try again, because that may never happen.
Why is my ex suddenly trying to get my attention?
I’ve seen tons of questions on Quora from some seriously heartbroken people who ask why their ex didn’t block them after the breakup, as if not being blocked means their ex must still care in some way; why their ex blocked them everywhere but not on one app or platform; why they bother to read their texts but not answer; why they watch their stories with a fake account but never reach out; or why all of a sudden they text them out of nowhere after so long and then never say anything again.
Your ex may really be doing a lot of things that seem confusing to you after a breakup too, like what the people on Quora talk about, or really are trying to send some kind of signals to get you to help them reach out because they regret the breakup. Don’t give in to it. Take it from someone who once spent literal months mulling over all the strange things my ex was doing, trying to decode it all and thinking it had to mean she wanted to come back, hoping she would. Until I had to finally walk away from that nonsense and move on with my own life, which felt so incredibly liberating. She simply wanted nothing more than to see what I was up to, never saying anything, and I had reached a place of no longer even desiring to have a person like that back in my life.
We are not meant to live in turmoil
One of my old supervisors - and who I still talk to on the phone from time to time - once told me this: whatever is meant for you, will be for you. And at the time she said it, I struggled to accept it, but where I am now? It is incredibly easy and even reassuring to listen to that wisdom. I am a firm believer in it. If someone is meant to be in your life, there aren’t going to be unclear things they do that you wonder about. There isn’t going to be a back and forth with them walking in and out of your life, if you don’t tolerate it anyway.
Also from a spiritual perspective I want to say this even though there are people on GaG who don’t believe in God, but I’m gonna say it anyway: the Bible tells us that God is not the author of confusion. He won’t put people or situations into your life that are supposed to be a blessing but then these things will either be confusing or cause conflict, unless such things are seriously meant for you to learn a lesson about people or even yourself. But the vast majority of times, it’s not God’s will for anybody to live with anyone or anything that would bring confusion or unclearness, rather we are more often the ones who foolishly believe these things are meant to be and can be conquered, and end up bringing ourselves pain and disappointment, especially when we try to force something that is only bound for downhill.
Would you really want someone like that back into your life?
After my breakup, I drowned myself in endless videos from relationship coaches on how to recover and even how to get your ex back. At that time these videos were so comforting for me, being the emotional IV I needed fed through my veins day and night to survive the pain. And while they did teach me a lot, I am no longer a major supporter of getting your ex back.
As I’ve told some people on Quora, you have to think about it: do you really want to take back a person who ghosted you? Are you really okay with it if your ex dumped and blocked you but then suddenly starts watching your social media stories with a fake or new account but they never speak? Would you be okay with it if they ended a relationship just to be with someone else, but that failed and now they’re texting you again or doing other things to try to get your attention and get you back? Is it acceptable to you for a person to be saying or doing unclear things even though they’re supposed to be with you? Or today they’re happy and love you but tomorrow they’re giving you all kinds of bologna: “I’m not sure what I want,” “I think it’s just me,” “I have so much going on,” etc.? Jesus also said let your Yes mean Yes and your No mean No, any other answer is from the Evil One (Matthew 5:37). God is not the author of confusion.
You've got to walk on
So don’t spend your time and days trying to figure out what your ex means when they’re doing conflicting things. Don’t sit around waiting and hoping that these things are good signs to lead them back to you, don’t keep reading over the last texts you guys had weeks or months ago trying to see if you can make sense of what they said or trying to search for some kind of meaning or answers in their words. Don’t take a person back who up and ghosted you out of nowhere and now reappears messaging you or even at your door after so long. And even if they message you again or say they want to talk or apologize, simply let them know you appreciate the apology and their thoughts, wish them well, and leave it at that. Close that door and move on.
Walk away from confusion, unclearness, disrespect, and wishy washy behavior. Stop wasting your time and start holding it close. Give up old desires for more of the same in people and let whatever is meant for you, be for you.
Namaste, and good luck.
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