I know how it feels. Getting over your heartbreak is so personal, and not everyone feels exactly the same way when they experience the loss of having someone in their life. Your mood-swings can go from sadness to anger within seconds, and sometimes you don’t know which way is up or down when trying to sort out your feelings.
This is specifically meant for those who are suffering through a break-up, as grieving a loved one as a result of death can be very different, and likely will be acknowledged with another myTake some time. For now, let’s look at mending a broken heart after one or both of you have decided that it’s over.
Auntie Ozanne’s Guide to Mending a Broken Heart
You have not broken up with you – so remember that whatever happens, you need to look after yourself, remember to get proper sleep and eat a proper meal so that you can start physically feeling stronger. A broken heart is taxing on your whole body starting with your mind, and that can lead to physical stress. Make a cup of tea with honey, treat yourself to some ice-cream, and take a hot bath. Being on the mend means looking after yourself in similar ways you would baby yourself if you are sick.
1. Don’t shut out friends and family. They are only trying to help if they call or text you to find out how you’re doing. Often times, an irritating reminder of the person who you’re trying to get over will surface with an “are you okay” text, but shutting out friends and family is not the answer. Instead, tell them what you need or don't need. If you request them to change the subject and take your mind off of things – convey that message clearly so they know. Friends want to see you back to your old self too, and will not know this is what you want unless you ask.
2. Detox this person from your life. It really is a day-by-day type of healing, and each day you should take at least one step of removing the person who you are getting over. If each day that means removing their number from your phone, removing from social media, then blocking from social media, deleting old pictures – then do it. Every time you see a reminder, all the work you’re putting in to trying to get over someone will set you back. The stronger you will become with each day they become further removed from your life.
3. Do not contact them. Taking an aggressive stand to get over someone doesn’t include the occasional “I-just-want-to-say-goodbye (again)” messages. What will this really accomplish? If someone has removed you from their life, hearing from you yet again can be exasperating. They already said their goodbyes, and having a little reminder every so often that you’re out there will just become irritating. Remember that in some cases, people might even find it harassing, and this can lead to trouble. The last thing you need is a police file created because you simply couldn’t resist always making yourself available to talk to. If someone has made it clear to leave them alone, you must do as they ask to save yourself such unnecessary trouble.
4. Know that they did you a favour. I have always viewed heartbreaks as blessings in disguise. Be thankful that this person busted up your heart now instead of after twenty years of marriage. Consider that the hurtful things you just went through could have also been lied about – and you could have been in a loveless relationship had it not ended. You really don’t deserve that. You should know deep down that though it hurts now, it really is for the best long term.
5. Exes are exes for a reason. I love that this very sentence that I brought to GaG a year ago has actually been quoted back to other people since I’ve said it. :) When you or someone else ends a relationship, there is never anything good about a breakup to warrant why you should get back together to go through it all again. Unless you are both in for some counselling, telling yourself that this is temporary is going to prolong the hurt you are going through. If someone made it clear that their behaviour is just how they are or they don’t have any reason to change, then you should consider these feelings that you’re going through to be an indicator of what you might go through for the rest of your life.
6. There are other fish in the sea. Of course, I hear it all the time, “They were the one.” They were the only person who understood, who boosted confidence, and all good things that we expect to find when we’re in love. To put all that stock in to one person is foolish, and during your heartbreak, consider everyone who has loved, lost, and loved again. Believe it or not, there is someone out there who can replace the person who has just hurt you, and make you realize that along with all the good things to come, the hurtful times will also be diminished (though being realistic, they never really will be eliminated). Grieve the person you’ve lost, but don’t rule out the next possible great relationship you were meant to have after they’re gone.
You’re not alone, and you’ll be fine. I promise. :)