Heartbreaks? What in the world is that? How could someone possibly “break” your heart?
Well, it does happen to everyone at some point in our lives. This is not something that is exclusive to just romantic relationships. It could be a friend that has wronged you, a family member you had an ugly fight with, or a loved one who recently passed away.
Heartbreaks are something we have to deal with at some point in time. These are my DO’s and DON’Ts to coping with a heartbreaking and getting through it.
1. Give Yourself Time To Heal
A lot of us are expected to systematically progress through the well known stages of grief, but it is important to note that there is no set form of grief and no right way to express it. I have seen many questions on GAG saying, “why do I feel numb after a breakup or a loss of a loved one? Aren’t I supposed to feel angry or intense feeling of sadness?” You need not jump to anger, or wallow too long in your own misery and then come to acceptance. You cannot just trick your mind to “get over” someone. Moving on is a process which you have to do at your own pace.
Do you want to cry? Do you want to let out your anger? Please do so. You need not act strong or fool anyone into thinking that you are not affected by the loss. Journaling down your thoughts and feelings, or converting them into lyrics or poetry can also help
2. Finding A Support System
You may feel lost and alone in this world, but you are not. There are people who care about you, who want to be there for you when you are going through a tough time. Talk to that network of people that can provide you with practical or emotional support. The lack of social support can easily to isolation and loneliness which could make it harder for you to move on.
3. Trying To Fill The Void With Another Person
You cannot just fill a person’s shoes with another friend. It is important to process what that person meant to you.
You cannot replace people with people. Everyone is different and brings a different quality to your life. Be it rebound dating or trying to replace one friend with another - is a recipe for disaster waiting to cause destruction. By doing so, you are not allowing yourself to completely heal and are using someone as a distraction from your pain and suffering. This is not a healthy way to cope with a loss because ultimately, you are going to hurt yourself and someone else in the process of “moving forward” with your life.
4. Set Clear Boundaries For Yourself
You have to sit down and think about this - what would you do if you have an accidental run in with an ex friend or an ex partner? How would you handle it? Would you ignore them? What would happen if you can’t? It is important that you are prepared for such scenarios and not caught off guard.
These are your personal boundaries. If the relationship ended amicably, you might want to have lunch or dinner with them and catch up or if it was a bad one, you could choose to ignore them or engage in a friendly hello and avoid unnecessarily talks with the person. If all comes down to your self set boundaries and you should not feel guilty about it.
5. Preoccupying Yourself
Occupying your mind with other things is a great way to distract yourself. Work also provides as a great distraction for a long period of the day. Turn to friends and family, socialize and spend time with them or find some new hobbies. You could always learn how to change a tire (if you don’t know, of course) or learn a new language, even.
6. Stalking Is A Big Fat NO
This relates to your ex partner. This is a ginormous mistake that a lot of people make after the end of a relationship. Stalking your ex online, or real life, can have a negative impact on your self esteem. What if they move on too fast? You may feel like they never loved you at all. People move on at different paces. Maybe they’re a rebound or maybe their feelings for you had faded long before the break up happened. Either way, there is no use mulling over a past relationship. Stalking allows you to constantly compare yourself to your ex’s current partner or how well they seem to be coping with their reality.
It is important for you to realize that your reality is your own. For some reason, the relationship ended, but you have to come to terms with it.
I would like to conclude this MyTake by saying that it may feel like it’s the end of the world for now, but I guarantee, you will be happy in the near future. Nobody is a mute spectator in your life. This person has helped you grow in some way, or maybe even made you stronger than ever before. Cherish the happy times and learn from the mistakes.
I would like to thank one of my dearest friends, @PrettyPriya and her wonderful fiancé, Ben for providing me with valuable insights and life experiences for helping me craft this MyTake.
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