He won't stop contacting another woman, why does he get annoyed with me when I tell him to stop?

[Anonymous]

My husband recently signed up with face book as so did i, but 2 days ago I went through his pc and found that he had searched up a woman he knows I get angry about, this woman knew my husband was married with kids and yet she would call him, email him and they would go out drinking, (obviously he didn't tell me the truth who he was with), when I found out I put a stop to it, and called her, she told me they were friends, I had an overwhelming feeling that she wanted more and that my husband had turned her down, 5 years later I find that all my suspicions were right, she asked him to sleep with her and since they haven't spoken in all this time and my husband knows how I feel about this, I was furious and hurt to find that he had searched her name on the site, we had an argument over it and I cannot help feeling that he is protecting her rather than respecting me as his wife, and our family, am I wrong to tell him that I don't want him to have any contact with her or am I over reacting, I can't help feeling that maybe something happened between them and that is why he won't or can't let go, we have been together for 17 years, I was apparently all he wanted and still wants and despite him telling me that 3 months ago I cannot get his woman out of my head and I feel as if I'm going insane, has anybody out there been in a similar situation, we have children together and she knew this, I feel as if she was laughing her socks of at me and still is, can anyone help me.

Updates

+1 y

Been 3 days since I found out he looked up the woman face book, we've hardly spoken, he is trying but to be honest why the hell should i, hasn't said sorry or he will drop it, so what do I do now, I've no found that he's changed the passwords on pc and msn?

Updates

+1 y

Ive tried to make him see how I feel that he would want to talk to someone who fancies him, but its not working, he's making me feel like I'm too blame, I feel sick that he wants to find her when I'm here and she isn't, he defends her when I try to explain.

[beley]

You absolutely have a right to be upset. It's one thing for a guy to have female friends, even ex-girlfriends. I personally still talk to many of my exes, and my wife is okay with that. I am completely open with her and tell her when I talk to someone.

I think the main issue here is that the other woman actually tried to have an affair with your husband (if I understand correctly). Your husband should have stopped talking to her for good.

That he's now going back and searching for her obviously upsets you. What you need to know is whether he really wants to get back in touch, or just find out what/how she's doing. We all Google old lovers to see what they're up to -- doesn't mean we'll actually contact them or rekindle a relationship.

I would recommend cooling off for a few days, then sit down and have a conversation with your husband. Tell him how you feel and why you are upset. Getting angry or doing something irrational will only push him to do something stupid, so my advice is to give him some breathing room to show him that you trust him (whether that's true or not).

Relationships (especially marriage) are based on trust. He may eventually go and make that colossal mistake, but I'm pretty sure your being insanely jealous won't keep him with you if he really wants to cheat. If he does cheat (or has cheated) you'll find out, and that's a completely different situation all together.

[lovebird01]

You have every right to be upset! This is destroying the trust in your marriage! Let me say this; even if your husband didn't cheat with this woman, he shouldn't have gone out of his way to find her and talk to her. If she tells you she can have him any time she wants, you can bet she's made that clear to him, too. So why invite trouble into your relationship? That's what he should be thinking of; being loyal to you, not her! I would talk it out with your husband, and let him know how upsetting this is to you. If he really cares for you, he will forget her-completely!

[Asker]

He hasn't found her, just searching her name in face book, she did make it clear more than once that she wanted more from him, that's what is hurting me the most, because he doesn't seem to know how that makes me feel,

[Cannotdealwithit]

I'm also going through this, if I hear one more time there just friends I'm gonna freak! My husband of 31yrs decided that it's OK to tx everyday, a much younger girl who he formerly worked with. I'm finding it real hard to deal with this situation. They knew each for 3 months and remember there just friends. He also has a password for his phone. My husband is always home and that's why I believe it's an emotional affair. The OW tx are silent, men are such sneaks and so are woman, I took pics of a lot of there txes, they were very flirty. When I asked him to stop I get, I just can't be rude and not talk to her anymore, but, he can rude to me? Also, my WS has been getting very snappy, nasty to me, I can definitely tell it's guilt and I explained to him he has situations he needs to figure out. I'm hoping for both you and I that someone will give us some input on this. It's just very sad to me. Please help us!!!

[Lesae]

Well he changed his passwords for a reason. He is still contacting her. So, why don't you contact her too? He is your husband and out of respect he should not even be on facebook if you ask him to stop talking to her. He looked her up. For what reason? He went 5 years with not talking to her so all of the sudden he wants to see how she is? No. I don't think that is the only reason. I would call her and confront her. He isn't telling you everything. Trust me. You are not going insane. You have an instinct and its always right. There is nothing stronger than a womans intuition. You have one and I would get to the bottom of it. Changing the passwords is a big sign. You are married you should not hide anything from your spuse. Especially a stupid face book account.

[Asker]

He says he changed the password because I was snooping when there is nothing he has to hide, which makes me more confused, why hide nothing? I feel that he has feels more for their friendship than he does for me and that's what is hard for me

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[languagetimothy]

Why not invite her round and try to be be her friend as well? After all, if he finds her so engaging to be with, maybe you will too. If there's nothing to hide in their relationship then there shouldn't be any reason for their contact to happen in front of your eyes. He should be comfortable with this suggestion (and maybe relieved that you're not making such a big deal of it). He should also continue to show you a normal amount of affection in front of this woman. If he resists you spending time with them or is stand-offish with you in her company then you should continue to suspect something is wrong.

[Asker]

I couldn't do that because I know what she wanted from him, it would be hard for me not to put her straight, I can't understand why he would wan friendship with her if she shows no regard for the fact he has a wife and two kids.

[whatsit2u85]

I feel you on that. I've been in the situation where one of the 2 women my husband has on facebook had the nerve to bluetooth naked pictures of herself to him while over our house, when I made the statement I wanted to beat her ass I was given the look,"I'll beat your ass before you beat hers"

[xxBlondeBabyxx1]

A lady from my dad's work will call around like 3 P. M right after my dad gets off work and sometimes in the mornings before 6 am, and even on weekends like Saturdays! Just to talk!

My mom gets really jealous and annoyed but she can't do anything.

My dad made it clear that if he really wanted to do anything with her; he would be with her right now.

And even worse is this lady HAS a husband and kids.

But my dad would never cheat on my mom, he is extremely loyal.

And I have 3 brothers.

[Asker]

Thanks for answering, but I can't help thinking that maybe something did happen, its been over 5 years since they went out together for. A drink, or spoke, I just don't understand why he gets angry with me when I tell him not to contact her

[xxBlondeBabyxx1]

He may just miss talking to her. But if he respects you; he should not be trying to contact her. Or let him have her over your house when you are home for a drink and let her bring a guy friend. Then you can become friends with her!

[Superstrength79]

LOL yeah. Steal his friend from him. :)

[xxBlondeBabyxx1]

Haahaha!

[purplemonster]

That is a horrible situation and I feel for you. You have every right to be upset and demand that he not speak with her again. I would try to help him understand how it makes you feel and how it effects your life daily.

[Asker]

Thanks for replying,nice to hear that I've the right to be angry,especially from a guys point of view, trying to be calm/ladylike about it, haven't spoken to him in 2 days, what I want to do is find her and let her know that I know all, but what's the point?

[purplemonster]

Yeah, I'm not sure that's a good idea because that might drive him to confide in her. Putting you even further on the other side.

[maxkool]

Ladies, the one sure way to get your man to cheat on you is to be jealous and possessive. The more freedom a man has, the less he will make use of it. I can understand your feelings, but feelings generally do not dictate good judgment. What you should do is try to appear as nonchalant as possible about any and all suspicions that your husband might be cheating. Giving him a hard time about it (especially if he hasn't actually done anything yet) will only push him further away from you and into the arms of that other woman.

[Asker]

Tried the it don't bother me tactic,its been 5 years, his woman told me she could have my husband any time and the fact that I know he turned her down, isn't helping, so I'm wondering if he did cheat with her and lied to me about it.

[Asker]

I wouldn't call myself possessive, he has always been free to do what he wants within reason,I'm not the type that wants to know where he is every min,i do expect that after 17 years I deserve to have a little respect, she knows he has a family,off limits!

[kiamia]

I do not agree, I have seen that when you give all the freedom they will go and cheat, the thing is if they want to do it they find the way no matter what.

[whatsit2u85]

Similar boat here. Except 2 different women. He will defend them to the end of the earth. If I say anything I am reminded of my past. Divorce isn't really an option b/c I'm not playing my son as a pawn like I know he would be. The trust is just not there from me. I will continue to do the right thing, even though retaliation has crossed my mind. I'm married & will be my part. Over time I see myself losing respect for him. But as long as there's no babies or diseases bought home, I guess things will just keep on the way they are. It sucks, we are not alone.

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[Anonymous]

I'm putting up with the same too if it carries on its going to be over as its on my mind all day and night. Don't put up with it,