Most Helpful Guy
Lemme stop you right about...'i know he loves me but his anger and ego is huge' HERE.
He blocked you, doesn't answer your calls, ignores your phone, and IS YOUR EX.
He obviously doesn't love you and maybe doesn't want to put up with your weird stalker junk anymore?
Or, maybe he wouldn't be you ex? Sounds like your egos he; 'he loves me so much that he..he..he..' Never answers your calls?
'i feel like he's blaming me for his grandpa's death as if he wants to put his anger in something and I am that thing' Stop rationalizing because you sound insecure, what if he doesn't want anything to do with you anymore? Hows it angry if he just isn't contacting you?
'should I disappear so he could look for me? or show that I'm ok and living my life , or give it a month then try to talk to him'
Playing games probably got you in this mess, and maybe between the two of you why you've both wasted so much time in a 5 year crap relationship.
If you really love someone, you'll RESPECT THEY'RE SPACE AND PRIVACY. no excuses, no exceptions.
And you wouldn't be playing emotional games about what you 'want to do' to try to get the RESULT THAT YOU SELFISHLY WANT.
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Most Helpful Girl
So wait... You didn't give him space and you don't like he was hanging out with friends? It sounds like he was just going through a tough time and wanted some space but you didn't leave him alone like he wanted so he got mad at you. It sounds like you were being a bit too clingy. Give him space and stop contacting him, let him come to you.