If I tell my ex girlfriend it's over between us forever, will she come back?

[HappyMan12]

My girlfriend dumped me politely, face to face. she was very sensitive, and basically she felt horrible but the spark had gone and she doesn't know why. I know in her mind I'm the guy (or the type of guy) she wants to be with but her heart doesn't agree.

So after a month of very very limited contact, all of which is mutually willing, I've been out of her life, however I guess yes i have one pinky toe in the door.

Basically she wanted to be friends, but after some thinking I decided thats simply not what I want, and it's either forever or never. Though it'd be a huge loss to not have her in my life, but I'm here to look after ME in the long term.

So IF I meet up with her (which we've agreed to do) and tell her sensitively that we simply cannot be friends, and this really is "goodbye forever", will it cause her to face the reality of never seeing me again and cause her to consider rekindling the relationship?

[Amber17]

This just happened to me - my ex broke up with me, still wants me in his life and when I told him goodbye forever, he freaked. I'm confused and feel that it's very selfish on his part. If there is any chance of her wanting you back, you cannot be friends with her, period. She needs to experience life without you to come to her own conclusions. If she doesn't come back after a period of time, then she is truly done. Good for you, you're doing the right thing and she will respect for it. Your self respect and strength may even ignite her attraction for you, who knows. But ask yourself if you would actually want her back or is it just your ego that's wounded?

[HappyMan12]

So you guys are back on?
I think he might have good intentions, but some people actually romanticise the idea of being single again to make life easier on them and they think "hey, i can let them go, and i'll still have their heart, if things don't go well, I can bring them back" but if you tell them that they may never see you again, reality hits them like a ton of bricks and they think about what they really really want. in a way it's an ultimatum with themselves. AT LEAST thats what I'm hoping :P

[Amber17]

No we're not back on - I need to cut off contact for a while plus he was a real ass when he broke up with me. I don't even know if I'd want him anyway. I think things were getting to close for comfort and he bailed - he enjoys being single, I knew that but continued anyway. As for you, stay strong and see what happens. Yes, it's like an ultimatum- you are saying, either we're dating or we're not, there's no gray area.

[HappyMan12]

You are just the best.
He's the one missing out on an articulate, kind girl like you. He ain't counting his blessings!
there'll be a romeo out there for you

[Amber17]

You are a doll - thanks for saying that! Good luck :)

[ladolce]

Yes! Be sinsere and sensitive...

I think what would work for me, if i was her...

When we meet up...
If the guy (my ex) was cute and sweet with me and looked good (not over doing it) and smelled good. And he was like what i first fell in love with. Not flirty nor touchy but friendly...
( at this point im falling for him again)
And then when we had the serious convo he would be sinsere and tell me here is how i feel (i love you and i can't be just friends with you) emphasize the fact that she will not see you again.

That would really open my eyes..
In my mind:
... what am i doing? In losing this amazing guy...

[XXXYYYMAN]

Amazing
I love you

[aoifeislovable]

It'll be a wake up slap so either she'll go for u again or she'll say goodbye. But do whatever u have to do

[HappyMan12]

Thanks for your view, I'm so curious.
She honestly was ms. head over heels for me and we had a healthy relationship, she just got really down about life and ended it, but she still told me she feels sad when i feel sad and she honestly would never want to see me hurt. so i figure there's something there. but also if she still doesn't want to be with me, could me walking out of her life all together cause her a bit of psycological trauma? cause i worry that abandonments been an issue in her life ei; divorced parents, absent parent etc

[aoifeislovable]

Well maybe you shouldn't be quite so blunt then you could say look I love having you in my life and were really good friends but honestly I want more than that, that would be much nicer

[HappyMan12]

Yep, agreed.
its gonna be face to face, if appropriate hand in hand in a quiet place with the utmost sensitivity. petty much the same way she broke it off with me funny enough haha

[aoifeislovable]

Hahaha good idea

[KandleGuii2]

I'm Going To Give You My Professional Unlicensed Opinion, It All Depends On How Strong Her Feelings Are For You. If She Has A Lot Of Pride Then iWouldnt Count On It...

[Anonymous]

In a nutshell, no. She'll be upset that she can't keep you as a friend but whatever her reasons were for dumping you they will not have changed.

[HappyMan12]

hmm yeah I understand that, but there weren't clear set in stone reasons, it was literally just a series of feelings that were overwhelming that led to her making that decision. whats wierder is that she seemed infatuated with me days before the breakup and when i talked to her on the phone, she seemed real down, and she claims to still have this genuine emotional connection to me

[yaddayaddayadda02]

It's unknown what it will do to her, but it's irrelevant. The main goal is to get what you want. And you don't want to be friends with an ex.

[HappyMan12]

hahah yerp pretty daunting decision, but I'd rather be brutal and right and walk away from the relationship (however its defined) with self respect and a forward thinking mind

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Agreed.

[campylobacterjejuni]

No. But you should do it anyway because it's the right thing to do.