Why does my ex-boyfriend still keep in touch?

[Anonymous]

He broke up with me 3 years ago. It was amicable. But I was really hurt. But even after that, we "dated" for another 6 months until I told him to stop contacting me. All through out I told him to stop contacting me, probably 3 or more times, but each time he would stop then start again. He never calls, just IM and emails. But if he sees me around town, he always stops and wants to keep talking unless I cut it short.

He always wants to know about everything that's going on in my life. I just tell him everything is fine. He has been dating someone for a year or more (and has told me that they've moved in together) and I feel his contacting me is unethical.

I never ask about his personal life; he offers the information. But I still wonder if he has feelings for me and whether I should ask him about that. I know he cares about me as a person, but I wonder if there's more. During the "after break up" dating, he would hint that he still loves me, but I wanted him to say it, so I wouldn't react. It bothered me. But now I am starting to regret not saying anything.

What would you think about his behavior? What would you do?

[languagetimothy]

Sometimes guys like to keep in touch just to keep all their options open. I would suggest that seeing as how he's open about his new relationship, he really doesn't believe anything is going to happen between you and he is now keeping in touch out of genuine friendship. Only you will be able to judge whether he's still got his eye on you for anything other than friendship, but I suspect as time passes this is less and less on his agenda.

If you want to be sure that his contacting you is ethical, suggest next time he talks to you that he introduce you to this girl he's moved in with. There shouldn't be a problem for him to do this if he's on the level. Of course the new girlfriend will be pretty worried that he's still in touch with his ex, but she'll be fine (and probably quite relieved) once you make your motives for the meeting clear to her. If he isn't keen to introduce you to her because she'll be upset, then you can use that to underline your feelings that he should not stay in touch with you.

It's quite easy to stop somebody contacting you if that's what you want to do, but you have to be a lot firmer than you are being. You may not want to be rude, but if he's not getting the message after being told not to contact you then you aren't being rude enough!

[Asker]

Thank you for the very thoughtful and helpful answer.

[kingbrother]

I would say he does still like you, id confront him about it so all your cards are on the table and you can both move on from there.

[mana01]

Maybe he does care for you. It is hard to stop speaking to a ex who you once shared feelings for. Give him a break