What should I do with the flooding memories of my ex?

[Anonymous]

I thought I moved on, but in fact I was waiting for some news before getting back to my ex. We broke up because of circumstances, but these circumstances are no more and I tried to contact her (although I said I would not in order to move on). But she blocked my number, I called and called and left a few messages. It's like breaking up all over again, first time was more than a month ago, and I never thought the excruciating pain would be back.

But I need to sleep, I am important personal matters that require me in full capacity. During the day, I can keep busy and not feel crushed by that "second break up", but at night... It is impossible for me to sleep, nothing to distract me from the pain. I did manage to get some sleep the first night, by using the good memories I have of my ex. Remembering the first kiss, what I love about her, the romance, living in fantasy, it made the pain go away and I could actually sleep.

Is it healthy to use that to go to sleep? I can't help but feel like this is only going to make things worse. I feel that every night I'm taking a step backwards by letting the memories flow unbridled. But it is still healthier than drinking myself to sleep, and I can't afford spending all night completely awake, this will destroy me.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

[Curious_Bitizen]

Im going through the same thing right now. although he was never my bf, im still moving on from him because i know that he's not right for me. He doesn't even care about me, doesn't even contact me. at first, i use the same technique, using our happy and good memories together to forget the pain and fall into sleep. most of the times, he's even in my dreams.

but later I've realized that doing all those reminiscing (good or bad memories) will just hold me back. i will be stuck in the moving on phase if i keep on thinking about those memories. sometimes, my brain creates these happy and fun memories that didn't really happen in real life, just to be happy. whenever i start thinking about him, i automatically stop and talk to myself (silently) that i need to move on and forget about him. i force my brain to think of other things. i listen to music that isn't related to him and doesn't make me think about him. i watch action/horror/comedic movies. avoid watching romantic movies cause it will only make you think about her. i go out a lot. just walking outside, buying things that would make me happy.

always do things that will make you happy and not think about her. if she suddenly pops into your head, immediately stop that feeling/memory. You have to control your brain. Right now, im still on the process of moving on. Good luck to the both of us!

[shadowlegend]

I do the exact same thing. Think of the good memories to get to sleep.

[Asker]

How long has it been going though? How are we supposed to heal if we keep thinking of the good memories again and again... It's exactly the same thing as when in fact I kept hope, hope that I would overcome the circumstances that made us breakup. Now that I did, I realize I did not move on at all, but thinking she might hear my messages and get back to me gives me hope and makes the pain go away... but then, she won't ever contact me again, I lost her forever because of the way I handled things, and I'm cursed to live with false hope and depression for the rest of my life?

[shadowlegend]

I appreciate the good times we had and think of them fondly. I accept the present as it is and know that I have expressed myself as best I can. And I have faith that if they are meant for me then they will find their way to me. Otherwise I look forwards to another love that has yet to come.

[Asker]

I admire your ability to stay positive. I can't say if I'm able to do the same thing. I think of the good times fondly too, these are the happiest memories I have, and I won't ever forget them. I thought she was meant for me, but the world was against us, and I probably blew it all by the way I handled things, so I lost all rational hope on that side... And I still can't look forward to another love, for me this love is here and unreachable, and I feel that remembering the good memories will keep it here, it's a never ending nightmare...

[shadowlegend]

I will always love my ex, and he loves me. But it's one of those things where we couldn't handle all the things life through at each of us as a couple. If the love is real and strong then it's just timing that's a bitch lol

[Asker]

If you love each other truly, I can only hope that the world and its obstacles will let you get together again. Just as I hope the same for my situation. But it is just hope, there's no substance to it. I don't even know if she loves me anymore, and I have no way of finding out. All I have is hope, and it's killing me.

[thesaintman]

trust in ya instict

[Asker]

If by instinct you mean my feelings, then I would gladly just accept the good memories and stop from trying to distract myself so I don't revisit them. If by instinct you mean my brain, then I have to stop using these memories because it can only lead to never ending pain.

[Anonymous]

i feel you bro, fuck moving on :(

[Asker]

I just want it to be over :( This "second breakup" is almost worst than the first, and I still haven't figured out a way to avoid the situation to repeat itself, it's gonna get worse everytime! My heart is crying for me to just get my head on the pillow and let the good memories flow back, I want to let myself dream about her, about what I had imagined we could be, I can trade the pain for happiness so easily... But it sounds so wrong, this is not normal, this is clearly not what I should be doing, but it's the only thing I have.

[Opinion Owner]

we may look pathetic now, but one day, we could move fuckin forward w/o looking at em behind us. fuck exes. its as if they could get over w/ us easily. we can see em so happy w/o and so miserable w/ us!