How will my ex-girl respond if I ask her to marry me?

[Lenny]

Me and my ex have been together off and on for two years. We have had problems like every one else. Currently we are not together but stay together and do everything like a couple. She say that she not ready to call it official yet, but things are going good. I'm tired of just dragging along in the relationship. I want her to know that it's all or nothing. I know this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. We have talked about married before and she said that she would. I want to ask her to marry me soon, but I/m scared of her response? What should I do?

[Anaskathia]

Definitely talk to her about it before you go out and buy a ring. It will be a lot worse if she has to turn down a proper proposal than tell you she's not ready in a discussion. If you're having problems, even if you're working on them, you need to make sure your foundation is solid before you try to build a marriage on it.

Talk to her about how you feel about her, and how committed you are to her, this will let her know you're thinking about popping the question, and will give her an opportunity to let you know whether or not she's comfortable to go there yet.

If you ask directly and she says no, how would you deal with it? I know it's hard, but try to be patient. If you're wanting to spend the rest of your life with her, you've got plenty of time to make it formal.

[dharness818]

You need to hold out a little longer. If she's not ready to call it official then she isn't ready for marriage. It sounds like you have a good start, but take her out to a nice dinner. Hopefully someone you know is getting married and start talking about it. Casually ask her if she's ready for marriage yet or not. Depending on the answer and facial expressions you get you'll know if it's the right time or not.

[epavlova]

Hmmm. If you are "tired of just dragging along", are things really going so good right now? If you are sure that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, it is wise to give her an "all or nothing" ultimatum right now? Dunno, but sounds like there may still be some issues here that need to get worked out, and that you are right to be scared of her response. If you give your ex an ultimatum, and she says "no", what then?

[epavlova]

Got your message, but prefer to respond here. I suggest you don't give ultimatums unless you are willing to live with the consequences (which is -- your ex may respond that "it's over"). Instead of ultimatums, see if you can figure out what her issues are, and try to address them -- not with words, but with actions. For example, if she feels you don't listen, try to listen better. Etc. If you can identify and address her issues, you will be on much more solid ground with her.