Do cheaters ever regret? Miss the person they cheated on? Get their Karma? How can I make my cheating ex-boy friend regret and feel hurt?

Situation: I was with my boyfriend for 5 years. He's recently an ex now. The 1st time he cheated on me after 4 years, he said it was because I wasn't intimate enough and it made him insecure. I was going to school, and working full time during the time he cheated. I found out because he never came home that night. For the 1st time after 4 years, I looked through his phone and a girl texted him and said, "It was nice meeting you. Thanks for the kisses and the warm cuddling. I think I miss you already". Long story short.-I moved out, but after a month of breaking up and moving out, we worked it out. Then a year later, I asked to use his phone because mine was dead. He said, sure, but he felt uncomfortable. I could tell by his body language. I never looked through his phone since the last time he cheated. But i decided to do it again. He sent a girl a message on instantgram, saying, "when are we going to hangout, or should I keep stalking your pics". After I confronted him, he admitted he went on a date with her a month ago. During these situations, he doesn't feel remorse/sorry and blames me for checking his phone. He says, I drove him to cheat because of my depression, work, school and that I have a lot of issues. It was foolish of me to take him back in the first place. After, he cheated on me the 2nd time. I couldn't say much. Just felt damaged inside. The last words from me was a text saying,"take care of youself" and that I'm picking up my cat from his place too. Took my cat and my stuff while he was at work. I've blocked him from my phone, social media sites and have a note on my wall each time I wake up in the morning to remember who I was before I met him, it's time to work on me, and move on.
Have you ever cheated and regretted it? Whats the worse pain a cheater could feel? Do cheaters ever miss the person they cheated on? Do you think they get their karma? I'm only asking for a piece of mind since I promise myself never to talk to him again.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Hi That Cat Girl.

    The guy you spent 5 years of your life with was someone who lacked maturity and was obviously not ready for a relationship. The fact that he refuses to accept responsibility for his behaviour by blaming you for HIS decision to cheat speaks volumes about who he is and what his morals and values are.

    The pain of rejection and being lied to is excruciating to say the least. I have some idea, because I've been cheated on myself, and while it was a while ago; it is not something you forget quickly. The rejection and the humiliation that you feel and the damage to your self esteem is at the root of your feelings. When you start feeling down or hurt about this remember: you didn't drive him to cheat: HE MADE THE DECISION, you are not a factor in that. Use this fact to do what you can to help process your feelings. Convert the energy of the anger to postive energy. Put your anger and frustration down on paper to get it out of your head and the energy out of your body. Once you are finished, you can release those feelings by shredding the paper or burning them.

    How can you make your cheating boyfriend regret this and feel hurt? You can't. There is nothing you can do. What I want you to think about is how hanging on to that anger by wishing him ill will only prolong the healing process. By wishing revenge, you continue to allow this person to make you miserable and control you and your life.

    As hard as this is right now, the first step is letting go of the anger and the hurt. Do things for yourself to make you feel loved, spend time with quality friends; find ways to enjoy life each day.

    So, will karma catch up with him, eventually, trust me on this! You might not be there to see it or hear about it. You don't want to bring negative karma on yourself by wishing ill on him: let the universe restore balance and mete out justice.

    If you want to vent, feel free to message me.

    Namaste :)

    • Thank you. I needed to see this :-) it was like medicine for me.

    • Thank you. I have been in this situation too and He blamed me for this cheating behaviour. I really needed to see your post to free from unwanted guilt and sorrow.

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What Guys Said 3

  • I have cheated by sexting and did regret it. I believe the worse a cheater can feel is being cheated on. I mean taking him back and then cheating on him. I know it's morally wrong but it might help some. Yes I believe they will get there. Might not be now but eventually they will. If you have any questions hit me up.

    • I am glad you learn your lesson ^_^

    • Thank you

    • I don't believe that taking someone back just to cheat on them will make someone who was cheated on feel any better. Probably would make them feel worse. Then they're as bad as the person who cheated on them.

  • I cheated once 12 years ago

    Never again because I felt like ********

  • My ex cheated on me after a few years together. For all of our relationship she was absolutely head over heals in love with me. In a month or two before I found out about the cheating, I noticed she was getting snippy, quiet, sad, etc. I noticed she was staying out late and not coming home, I became worried. She indicated that we need to break up, but I convinced her that we should work on it. Later, I found out she was cheating on me from sexts she sent a guy. At the time she deeply regretted hurting me, but later she moved in with him (now engaged). It messed me up more than her... Not sure if she'll ever feel the regret...


What Girls Said 5

  • Happiness is the best revenge. Moving on and learning to love the life you are building without him in it is the absolute best thing you can do. For you, and for the sake of karma. Because nothing bruises a man's ego like hearing "I never needed you to make me happy in the first place."

  • Similar thing happened to me. My ex treated me horribly while we were married. Made me feel worthless, was physically and emotionally abusive for years. He cheated several times for spite. He has recently died very young at 57, but his last years were spent with a horrible woman who abused him mentally and physically while he was at his most vulnerable. She did all the things to him that he did to me... alienated him from his family and friends, used him for money and gifts, etc. She left him at the funeral home without a burial, and went after everything he had. Sad for my children, as they will have to fight her for their father's estate, but he got what he deserved, at just the right time.

    My friend's ex also cheated on her badly. Manipulated the marital assets so she could not get the house, their son, or any of the joint accounts. She was destitute and broken. This was just over a decade ago. Her ex ended up signing his house over to his side piece to hide it from being included in a later bankruptcy. He cheated on her, as well, and he lost his house, anyway. My friend ended up marrying very well to a good man, and has her dream home, and none of it would have been possible had things not gone the way they had.

    So yes, I believe in karma, and that the Universe takes care of everything in the right time. It is up to us to strike the hurt and havoc others misdeeds have inflicted upon us, and not let it poison our minds or hearts. Worry about you... not him. Let the shit go and trust the Universe to deal with it appropriately when the time is right.

    • I forgot to answer your main question (got hung up on karma... lol). In the case of my ex, he did not want the divorce, but I was SO done. He never had even a satisfactory relationship after we divorced. So I believe there were some regrets.

      My other ex was a narcissist. He uses women, and had another victim lined up before he left me. I didn't have any hard feelings... I wanted him gone, and I was happy he found a new woman to screw over. I dont know if he had regrets, but I would say no. He's the type that blames everyone else, and never says he's sorry.

      Currently, I am going through an infidelity issue with my boyfriend of 13 years. I am gutted and catatonic right now. He is very upset about what discovering his infidelity has done to me. Can't eat or sleep. Feel physically sick. I have okay days, and some really bad ones. I vacillate between forgiveness and the possibility of having to move on. I dont know what I will choose... the wounds are still very fresh.

  • I'm going to put myself out there by saying: I have cheated twice in my life before.

    Once the reality sets in, so does the pain. The regret. I'm not looking for any sympathy but hear me out when I say we face a lot of pain (which sometimes persists even years after the fact). I feel like I've been labelled with a scarlet letter and even though I've stayed single to work on me,, I know that there are people who are simply scared of me and who will refuse to trust me... others who will not give me the time of day at all. Once you cheat, you're labelled as a cheater and sometimes people don't see you as anything more than that.

    For me, the worst pain was seeing my ex suffer. I destroyed him, and I watched him crumble... and that destroyed me. It kills me to know that this could have been avoided if I had just been a little bit stronger in those moments of stupidity and weakness.

    The karma is long term... people are still calling me a hoe after 3 years.
    The guilt... well, I imagine it's lifelong. Everytime i hear about cheating or think about it, I feel sick to my stomach.

    I'm not telling you to feel sympathy for this guy, just trying to give you perspective to his side.

  • Kinda going through the sane thing, try looking up the word narcissist.. I came across it when trying to. figure out why my ex didn't really seem. remorseful for text cheating. Its so hard but trust your gut instinct, you probably did the right thing. I think people always come to a realisation they let someone great go, but only when they stop thinking of themselves. Good luck x

    • What about cheaters who dont get caught & dont confess? Is that worse? Their partner is living a lie surely? Even if affair ended?

  • the fact that you want to teach him a lesson shows immaturity, dont show the same that he did to you


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