My girlfriend cheated on me, twice, with her ex. I still love her incredibly, but don't know what to do.

Question

My girlfriend and I have been together for about 7 months now, and we really connected early and quickly. She has depression, which is a constant battle, and it also has twists. She moved into an apartment with her best friend, for college, and I live a town away. This condition she has makes life hard, so I gladly help out whenever I visit. (washing dishes, doing laundry, making sure she goes to class, etc.) One night, after a little bit of partying together, she and I are having quiet time in the living room, and after a while, she admits to cheating on me, twice, with her ex. Once, when we had started out, and the second time, during the first two weeks of her living in a new place. After 5 months together. She told me her depression makes her think bad things, and want to make herself miserable, which I believe. I've been helping her for a while, I recognize what she says to be true. However, I'm heartbroken that it had to be what I feared most. Now, this guy has not been kind through all this. When we were together in the beginning, he was harassing her, (texts) and I was set to handle it, but she asked me not to. I complied, and this happens. Still I'm asked to do nothing. The only thing I'm concerned about is the future. My question isn't what to do with the ex. It's what should I do about myself, and this situation?

Christian_Love · Accepted Answer

Is she willing to be given another chance? Is she so important to you that you will risk being cheated on again. This is something you need to ask yourself and don't think about it lightly and once you come up with an answer than you will know whether you should saty with her or leave. Don't be afraid to leave just because she has depression, she can take medication and you have every right to since she did cheat on you. I'm not totally convinced that depression will make you do bad thigns everyone is in control of themselfs unelss they have a mind altering mental condition like schizophrenia.

Best of Luck

Decoy666 · Accepted Answer

I'm personally wondering if she is repentant at all. But either way I can't understand how you trust her if at every major point in your relationship she betrays you. I understand that you feel responsible for her and you'd feel like a bastard just leaving her behind. I say you break up with her but remain her friend and available to her if she needs you, just not as her boyfriend. I simply don't think you should trust her anymore. Help her as a friend, not as a boyfriend and it will not be as costly to you while still helping her.

meplusabeemer · Accepted Answer

Understand that her depression might be linked to her self esteem. If she has extremely low self esteem, she will subconsciously do self destructive or destructive things. What she 'hears' internally is her internal dialogue that she will never be happy or achieve it in any aspects of her life.

I am not making excuses for her. I am giving a perspective because she is going through what I did. I think you need to encourage her to get counseling. This will help her deal with her depression and get on the road to healing.

Best wishes.

Mudratt1 · Accepted Answer

It's admirable that you are considering her illness, however, you do need to take yourself into consideration also.  Are you prepared to accept her doing this possibly over and over again?  If so, you are a better person than me.  I personally can not accept and forgive a cheater, no matter the reason.  There is no suitable explanation to making someone else look like a fool.  I would move on.

enlightenment · Accepted Answer

thats tough...but despite the depression, it sounds like she needs to grow up and take responsibility for her actions.  I have battled depression and so has all the girls in my family.  It is a selfish disease and taking accountability is a good way to start moving forward for her.  Just a thought, good luck with your tough decision.

zanbenz · Answer

She cheated not once, but twice? I'm flabbergasted that she is not owning up and taking responsibility for her actions. I wouldn't have any of it. I'm sorry, I'm sure you feel very strongly for her, but if it has happened once it can happen again and there is no point in sticking around waiting for it to. I'd get out of the relationship ASAP...but that's my opinion.

robbie0616 · Answer

Dude, relationships like this are quicksand. The more you struggle the worse you're stuck. I've been in this near exact situation, and I felt that I needed to stay with her to support her.  The hard truth is that it's selfish for you to stay with her.  Staying with her doesn't help her, it hurts her. If you really care about her then you'd get away and stay away. In psychology it's called extermination. No calls, texts, emails, nothing! Complete removal from life. It's like a band-aid, pulling it off quick hurts now, but better in the long run.

zanbenz · Answer

Unfortunately there isn't much you can do about the ex. Confrontation will only lead to issues, be it a fight or your girlfriend being upset etc. To be honest it sounds like more trouble than it's worth...I'm sorry :(

My girlfriend cheated on me, twice, with her ex. I still love her incredibly, but don't know what to do.

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