Why would a guy do this? Things were perfect, then he ended things out of nowhere... I can't figure it out?

Long story short: We met, we were absolutely perfect for each other! We had never been so happy before we met. I let him have the reigns. He told me he loved me first, he initiated the "move in together" discussion, he told me he was in love with me (I felt the same). It was the best relationship ever. On a Thursday he texted he's "in a much better place now that he's with me than he ever would have been without me" then suddenly ended things on Friday. I was/have been beyond devastated since. He said that he doesn't think we want the same things in the future and explained the few things he was talking about... here's the kicker: we had always felt the same and wanted the same things, but overnight he seemed to make a 180 and nothing he said really made sense. I held my head high, didn't beg him to stay, and wanted things to end nicely if indeed, they were ending. That was it. I'm shattered. Since then, I have seen him 1 time in public but he pretended to not know who I was. It has been over a month since the breakup. WHY? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? HOW? What would make a guy flip the script overnight when we were so genuinely happy (And we really were, I swear I'm not in denial)?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • That is strange.. I feel your pain. Been there when a guy changed out of the blue and dumped me, it is devastating. He must've freaked out like gotten cold feet, he could have issues with intimacy as well. Sounds like that because guys like that change their mind out of the blue. He ignores you in public? Nothing is wrong with you, something is wrong with HIM. You don't promise someone the world then just say what he said.

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    • i like your opinion, so i want to ask you.. given that two people aren't in an official relationship yet, if one person ignores the other for days upon days for whatever reason. would you think it is 'wrong' if the other person who is being ignored just up and leaves and from that day forward, ignores the ignorer back, forever? is it ok since the relationship isn't official?

    • Yes I think it is okay to walk away in that situation.
      Why waste precious time on someone who would ignore you.. Doesn't sound like a potential mate in my opinion. If someone did that to me for quite some I would assume that the other person was uninterested for whatever the reason could be, I would feel hurt too. Relationship or not, you don't do that to the other person but I suppose if you were in a official relationship you'd owe your partner an explanation as to why you feel the need walk away. Hopefully the ignorer while realize what an amazing person she/he lost.

    • That's crazy that you say that!!! He did have some intimacy issues and would never "initiate" intimacy. He said it was bc his family never showed affection so he didn't know how to. Also, he has been married before and she wanted an open married bc he wasn't "satisfying her needs". He tried it for a while but couldn't do it so they ultimately split. However, I don't know that those things would cause him to do this and leave. Him and I had NO issues with our intimate life other than he never initiated it

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • The only thing that comes to mind is that he saw that things were moving towards marriage and he had a long thought and realised that although you two were great together and he did have strong feelings for you he did not think you were "the one" for whatever reason. I'm sorry that this happened to you.

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  • Where did you two meet?

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  • I feel your pain. She just came home about 3 weeks ago, after everything seemed perfecr, said she was unhappy and wanted to breakup. Devastating!!! I'm a mess.
    After reading your post, I'm questioning if maybe she met someone. Why else would they just flip a switch? Unlike you, I asked her to stay, and didn't make any difference. She left. Maybe he found somebody, I don't know. I hate to even suggest that, but not much makes sense after a unexpected breakup. I wish you the best.

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    • I didn't think that at first... but as painful as it has been to think about that, I'm starting to think that it's the only way someone can walk away from a perfect relationship... they already have a replacement. I hate that you are going through the same thing. It's the worst! I've been through plenty of heartaches, but this one doesn't even compare. Maybe it's some sort of shock that makes it so much harder. Did she give you any explanation?

  • maybe he saw something he shouldn't have? maybe you did something you shouldn't have, and he found out.

    for someone to do a complete 180 like that, it'd have to be something pretty serious, OR it's not that serious but it just bothers him THAT much.

    or... does he show any signs of bipolar disorder?

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    • He didn't see anything he shouldn't have. And I DEFINITELY didn't do anything I shouldn't have. We were together everyday (minus the 3 nights a week that I work, but we would talk on the phone multiple times and he would come see me before I went in). There wasn't anything that changed with us... it has to be all with him. I had thought maybe bc he had been so unhappy with his career (he's a teacher), that maybe it caused him to start doubting all areas of his life... but I had asked him that when we broke up and he said no. He said he didn't want to break up, but he didn't want to be wasting my time since he didn't think we wanted the same things in the future (suddenly). So ya, I have questioned the bipolar thing but he hasn't ever shown signs of that to me before and hasn't ever been diagnosed. I know he had suffered from depression in the past and coped with almost all illegal drugs. He no longer does them anymore and hasn't in years, but I know he's very prone to depression

What Girls Said 3

  • I believe as being as wise as I have always been, @HopelessRN, he didn't give you a "Script" when he said all those sweet somethings that at the time was Nothings but Suddenly, out of the blue, things took a different direction and this Guy... Grew cold duck feet.
    It happens a lot in a relationship that seems so perfect, much like a fairy tale book. However, things can go sour a t any given hour, when someone may sleep on it and come up with his own Line 'Overnite' because he is Not really ready nor raring to be in a real relationship, as two birds of a feather who stick together.
    Good luck and lick your war wounds now. As sad and mad as you may be, be careful next time not to wear your heart so quick on your sleeve. xx

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  • Wow, I am so very sorry this is happening to you :(

    It can be both confusing and hurtful when someone who you thought loved you does a complete 180. I recently went through a break up where the guy I was with, well it turned out he was a huge liar. He was seeing someone else and had an active dating profile.

    I'm still shocked and confused about what happened.

    The best thing you can do is try to lean on friends and put your best foot forward. Sometimes it's not possible to understand someone's reasoning behind their actions. Sometimes people make odd choices and they don't make much sense.

    Maybe he was lying or wasn't sure what he wanted? Perhaps he wanted the same things, but when he got them he became scared and confused? Committment can make people do crazy things.

    Perhaps the likes you but isn't sure if he is in love with your or if he wants to marry you. Unfortunately sometimes people can be really great together, but for some reason the other person still wants to see if there is anything else out there that they will like more. in my opinion if that's what he's doing, then he doesn't deserve you.

    You deserve someone who is thrilled to have you! Someone who will not walk away and leave you devastated.

    I'm so sorry that you are going through this, my heart goes out to you! I know what it's like to have someone break your heart.

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  • He found another sexual interest.

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