Why do my ex boyfriends always want me back?

Hello,

I am 21 years old and in college finishing out my senior year. Throughout my college history, I have dated 6 different guys. Out of those 6, 4 of them I know have been immature and honestly been more of a hookup, however at the beginning we would try to date. The other 2 were serious relationships. However all 6 of them have tried to get me back, and told me that they missed me and wanted to talk again. They would say things like "ugh why did I let you go?" I didn't know what I had when I had you. They give me the weirded looks like gazing into my eyes.. its so strange to me.

To give you some background info about me. I am a very nice girl. I have a lot of friends, athletic, smart, adventurous (up to try new things) but my main strength is I am a very good listener, I listen to peoples problems and help them figure it out. I feel I am a really cool girl and I get along really well with the guy's friends. (their guy friends and I become so close, after I break up with the guy, they tell me how much they even miss me and hope we can stay friends) When I start to date guys, I get very nice (NO I DO NOT BECOME WHIPPED) lol. I try to take things slowly with them. I do however try to open up to them about how I feel on things (not love dovey things or getting married, just my outlook on life, my interests, what I want to do when I am older)

But as our relationship continues, they guys start treating me more rude as it goes on. (I know my problem is sometimes you do have to stand up for yourself and it is OK to argue, it's OK to disagree, but I think that is my problem that I do not do enough of that) I just worry if I did something wrong and if they are happy with me. Pretty much I try 150% of the guys try 50% (of effort)

But why is it when we break up, I am doing better than the guy is after a few weeks? Why is it that the guys want me back? Why can't they realize what they have when they have it? And why is it that guys would freaking leave "one of the best things that ever happened to them," to drink more with the boys and have no responsibilities. I feel after they graduate they are going to be lonely.

Let me know what you think. (sorry it's so long lol)


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I rated this because I completely understand where you're coming from! This one guy I was seeing nearly 2 years ago still hits on me. Apparently he really liked me, but he didn't want to be committed so I walked. Yet he got upset when I tried to move on. What else was I supposed to do? We've had so many ridiculously bad arguments afterwards, but somehow he still acts like he cares. My most recent ex always tries to come back to me. At first, we were always on and off. Because I kept giving him chances, and he kept backing out on me. Now he'll date other girls but still oversteps the friend line. I don't get it.

    I feel your painnnn!

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What Girls Said 5

  • You know I've tried that 150%/50% thing, it doesn't work.

    The relationships failed because they were unbalanced. They wanted you back because once they started trying to see other girls, they realized other girls won't give as much and aren't so easy to please. Also, they may miss sex.

    This guys are clearly jerks who don't care for you very much, but they seriously want there doormat back. And ultimately, they may realize you were golden to them.

    I say take it as a lesson, move on from them, and from now on give only a LITTLE more than you get back. Lets say, 55%/50% that way a good guy will try to match your effort in return, allowing your relationship to grow slowly, no guy who is only ready for a 50% effort relationship is going to match you at 150% effort.

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  • ex boyfriends...they dated yeah other girls. and now they see that you have more to offer than these girls and it's an easy way to get some if you know them already. so it means they see now that you are better or have more to offer.

    one of my ex boyfriends tried at least twice to get back together with me. it didn't work out and he was getting back for the wrong reasons. thank gawd I didn't get back with him because he's a jerk. usually things end for a reason and it should stay that way.

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  • They realize how amazing and wonderful you were to them, but have feelings they don't want to let go. So, I think they just don't want to realize they lost something in the first place.

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  • It's happened to me before and I always said no. They probably only realize how great you are afterwards and they want you back.

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  • He loves you.

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