Me and fiance split up 3 months ago, he left me and it was a total shock so I have been totally devastated ever since, esp when he had proposed to me only 3 months earlier, we were also living together for nearly a year I got upset over something daft the night b4 and this lead to him leaving the following day saying he didn't love me anymore, since then it has come out that he has kinda suppressed his feelings a few times over times when I would get upset over daft things and he has not really told the truth as to how he really felt about it to himself or to me and as a result he doesn't love me anymore, not only that I have found out since he left that I have put him down a few times (I didn't realize I was doing that, I have been suffering from low esteem cos of work problems, and was totally horrified and have really hated myself since, when he told me this, but he knows now I didn't mean it and didn't know wot I was doing)
I have been to hell and back since he left, I miss him so much, he says he has felt numb since he left, I didn't know you could feel numb for this length of time? He has also said he misses our life together, but he says he doesn't feel miserable but doesn't feel happy either, life just feels drab, feels like his life it on hold like it has been paused.
We had the happiest and most wonderful 3 years together, it was so loving and we shared a very special connection, no words can describe just how special it was, and we have both said that we will never get wot we had with anyone else.
Since he left, we have tried being friends, there was still strong friendship between us, but it then got so hard cos he was feeling so guilty about hurting me so much, and I kept quizzing him all the time, I was hopeless, I couldn't help it, he told me that he wished his feelings for me would come back cos we were so good together, that made me quiz him more cos it gave me false hope him saying that although the last thing he wanted to do was give me false hope cos he doesn't want to hurt me again. when I said if a miracle happened and his feelings came back, he then said don't say it like that, that it would take a miracle and he got upset by it. In all my quizzing I think I have managed to p*ss him off cos two weeks ago I rang him and he was horrible to me, it was like he was a different man to the one I knew for 3 three years, he was shouting at me saying he was sick of me, and said I am playing mind games? and that he doesn't want to see me again and that he won't change his mind, I was crying by now and he was so cold and just said oh god don't you start crying.That was two weeks ago and haven't heard from him since, I keep hoping he will ring or text to say he didn't mean to be cruel to me.
Will I ever hear from him again? or am I just stupid in not realizing he just doesn't want to know me anymore, I'm so confused. I wish he would gone back :-( What happened to the lovely man I was with for 3 years, is he hurting and angry with me or does he hate me? :-(
Most Helpful Guy
Both of you seem to have deep psychological issues.
You have recognized your low self esteem, perhaps caused by a critical parent? No external issue, like problem at work, should cause you to lose self confidence if you had appreciative parents. You need to look into that.
Your boyfriend seems to be too needy and insecure. Perhaps due to a parent being distant. That is why he was unable to express his anger when you were "putting him down" and during a fight over somethin daft. All the suppressed anger is coming out now and he is finally able to express it.
Treat this crisis as an opportunity to solve your own issues as well as get the realtionship back on a better footing.
It is as if both of you are joined together with a strong bond but floating in turbulent waters which is throwing you around. Make him feel that he can tell you where you are going wrong and what he wants without worrying that this will cause strains in the relationship. Also give him some space but be available.