I am very worried about the changes I see in my husband after only 5 months of marriage.
Before, he used to say marriage was a logical, beautiful thing that united people in a deeply spiritual way. Today he says that it changes nothing, we are still separate humans with separate plans and at any time, something might happen and we might divorce.
Before, he used to speak about me all the time to his friends, about how we were such a cool couple, so proud of having me next to him... today his marriage ring is gone and last time he invited me to go out with some of his new friends, they didn't even know we lived together.
But get this - my husband is literally disturbed when I say I love him. He says this shows I'm needy and that every time I say it, "it makes him think hard if he even wants to spend his future with me". My notion of what love is, according to him, is still "high school"-ish.
Before, he would be so happy about making money for us, cleaning the home for us or taking me out. Right now, if I even thank him for cleaning the house, he will say "I did it for myself". He frequently criticizes me for being insecure and once said I look like I am going to "die" all the time. He is also lately struggling to get along with my mother, which is a pain because we are temporarily living in her house. At the beginning mom didn't hesitate to offer us the house, but today she threatened to throw him out because he raised his voice to us both. Because of this, I have been so depressed I considered quitting my job, changing home or even offering to stay at a mental hospital.
The point is, I wish he wasn't angry/bored/irritable all the time next to me. The plans we had before, such as living in another country, have become things I would rather not talk about because his answer will be "don't count on me for anything, plan your life as if things could fail". Please help... the last thing I want is to separate or divorce after 5 months of marriage and at 23 years old!!!
Most Helpful Guy
At 23 years old, it's pretty obvious why he feels that way. Particularly if you live in a big city. If you are in a rural area, where the lifestyle is quiet, then settling down with a marriage and family early in your 20's is pretty normal.
In a city however, the early 20's is really the start of a person's partying time. There's lots of things you and your husband have not experienced yet, and I suspect that marriage has made him feel tied down and unable to explore what the world has to offer.
However, it sounds more like he has hit some form of depression and has become cynical of life. It's not easy for you to find the underlying problem, because men generally will not expose their weakness. But you're the one who understands him the most, and are the person most likely to know what's going on.1
Most Helpful Girl
I feel you must be leaving some things out as nobody offers to go to sme tak hospital unless they agree or know there is something wrong with them. But regardless of that, it definitely sounds like he is having second thoughts about Boeing married. Have you considered a couples councilor?6