Should I chase her or let her go?

I would like opinions on this so that I can make a final, definitive decision and move on with my life. I am at a crossroads here.

I met a girl in my college. First it was the usual niceties, then I gradually began to take a liking to her so I asked her for her number. We texted pretty much every other day and our banter was always teasing. She remembered the days of my interviews and wished me luck on them. I worked up the nerve to ask her to hang out twice---once for coffee and once to a sporting event and she said yes both times.

When the semester ended, on the last day, I asked her to see a movie with me. We kind of made tentative plans (she told me "we'll see") and on the day before the scheduled day, she called and canceled on me because she said she was going to be at her relative's house. I thought that was it so I moved on with my life.

However, my birthday was a week later, and I got a text from her wishing me happy birhday--she somehow remembered. We texted back and forth the whole day. Spurred by that, I decided to give it another shot so 5 days later I asked her out again. She didn't give me an answer right away and waited 2 days before saying she was busy. I gave her a couple other options but he gave excuses.

So I told her to contact me when she wanted to hang out.

After four months, there was no response from her. She was on my mind a whole lot, so eventually I re-initiated with a text relating to an inside joke and she responded. I replied and she responded again---two texts in a row, in fact. I had dropped hints about stuff in my life and she asked questions about them.

However, two weeks later I haven't responded. I was originally going to ask her for coffee or lunch but then I remembered how she avoided me before and didn't want to seem like a desperate guy or an orbiter. I mean, I gave her the option to contact me when she was free and she didn't.

At the same time, she DID respond to my texts when I re-initiated, in our usual teasing banter. Some people say that means she might still have a soft spot for me or that it means something because otherwise she would have ignored me. Most likely, it's just her being friendly though. And what kind of girl would give up a guy for four months if she even had a little interest in him? I already gave her a chance, after all. I hope she saw that.

I need to make a decision whether to act on this and ask her for coffee or lunch or just forget about her altogether and use my energies somewhere else.

She doesn't use the phone to talk and instead just texts because she claims she loves texting, and she does. So anything I would have to do would have to go in text form. Or I could just forget her.


Most Helpful Girl

  • What were you both like together, when you met? Was it still all banter and teasing, with good chemistry or was it a bit more dead then the texts, and a little bit more difficult?

    I'm putting myself in her shoes and thinking why I would do that.

    And to be completely honest with you, I can only think of one thing...and I do this thing quite a lot, only because I just don't know.

    This is what I think is going on... She doesn't know :) Simple as.

    She is more then willing to text you all day which shows she enjoys speaking to you and that you are obviously very interesting and fun to text but when it comes to meetings she gets herself out of it.

    Is she a virgo?

    It sounds like she cannot be bothered to do anything, to make progress. Do you know anything about her past boyfriends? How she was with them? Is she out a lot with friends? She might not be very out-going but if you really like someone then you make yourself out-going, you make yourself go out and meet the person you fancy.

    After declining many invites to go out with you and leaving it four months without contacting you I would honestly tell you to use your energy on somebody different.

    If she suddenly texts you asking you to meet up, don't reply instantly and maybe even decline because if you've given up on her and she's suddenly changed her mind, she has to realise there is a time that is tooo late.

    I personally don't think that the girl is looking for anymore then friends with you.

    Hope it works out ok. :)

    • In person it was the same way. Texts were an extension of that.

      She goes out with friends a lot, but when she's by herself she's quiet.

      I have no idea about her past boyfriends.

      One of those months she was out of the country.

    • And say that she just wanted to be friends.....well, friends hang out too.

    • I don't know then, maybe give up because she isn't giving anything to you and she isn't making any effort.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • Ask her to hang out once more. If it doesn't go through, then I would say that is it. If she wants to spend the time with you and doesn't have any previous made plans, then she should want to hang out. I can't say I know her well, but it seems like she is just texting to be friendly. Personally, I never ignore a text because I think it is rude and always reply (even if it is a stranger that has the wrong number!).

  • I think she is just texting to be friendly. I know that I, myself, do that all the time because I thinks it's rude to just ignore someone's text message. I don't think that she is really trying to hurt you or anything but she doesn't want to date you nor take your relationship outside of text messages. I would suggest using your energy somewhere else on a girl who is interested in possibly dating you one day.

  • Give her one more chance


    "And what kind of girl would give up a guy for four months if she even had a little interest in him?"

    A really really shy one. aka me. I let a guy go for a couple of months because I was too shy to contact him. I figured once he stopped replying to me that he wasn't interested in me so I let him go.


What Guys Said 3

  • Use your energies elsewhere (maybe you can be friends, but I don't see a relationship happening). If she wanted to date you, or wants to in the future, she'll initiate. So don't put all your eggs in this one unresponsive basket. Best of luck.

  • Let her go particularly because you're stressing over absolutely nothing.

    • So you think there's no chance?

  • probably stuck in the friend zone


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