Wish I'd never left her?

I wish I'd never left her.

We were together two years, it was my first real relationship, I was 19 going on 20 she was just 17. At first i was dumb, I lied about a girl I'd slept with before I met her, simply because it was early days and I didn't want to ruin things, she later found out and from then on she never trusted me. After that she'd always hold it over my head, but we'd always get past the fights because we got so deep in love. It got to the point where I was scared to tell her little unimportant things and tell white lies, but if she found out even the smallest thing I'd be accused of the worst case scenario, examples would be I'd say I was gong sleep just to play some games in peace (she was kinda needy). Or I had a day off work to stay in bed bad chill out, but when age found out she assumed I must be cheating? Like ok sure (I wasn't). This was in the first 6 months and I did learn to adopt the honesty is always the best policy. So from then on out I can swear I was honest, but the damage was done. Another year goes by where every 3-4 months if we had a bust up she's throw that first lie I told about the girl from before I met her in my face and say "and I wonder what else I don't know". Did everything I coukd to be the model boyfriend you know, dates treats, holidays, and always honesty. But I never got better in her eyes I always had that taint. In the end after two years just after we had the best anniversary, it happened again, she blew up, threw ever acknowledged in my face a day by this point I'd been a model boyfriend for best part of the two years and I'd had enough. I broke it off, but in two years after two more relationships I just wish I'd stuck it out, eventually after marriage maybe she'd finally trust me, but well maybe not. But I just know I've never felt anywhere close to what I felt for her. I still think I love her, but she's moved on.

Was I right to end or maybe she'd have trusted me in the end?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Personally, I think you were right in choosing to go your separate ways. Everyone has lied at one point or another to avoid a sticky situation. Yes, honesty is always the best policy, but as flawed human beings, we make mistakes. The effort you made to smooth things over and to be good to her should have been enough, over time, to make her realize that you were genuine. The fact that you were afraid to tell her unimportant things is really unhealthy. I have been in similar situations where I've had to tell white lies to someone who blew up so easily over seemingly minor situations. It shouldn't have to be that way. Yes, lying is bad. But so is a short temper.

    Marriage doesn't fix anything. You need to love and accept the person for both their positive and negative qualities beforehand; hoping that they will change something you don't like after saying I do (especially if it's as intolerable as this) is never a good mindset to have when entering a marriage.

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    • (Continued here cause I talk too much lol) I know it is painful to get over someone you love so dearly. But I personally think it is better to seek out a healthier relationship when the time comes and you feel ready to date again.

    • Thanks for MHO!

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What Girls Said 5

  • You will have regrets for a long time, maybe you still love her, maybe you are just afraid to move on and keep attached to this ancient relationship.
    If you lose her trust, you'll never completely regain it.
    You were right, but I think it's better for the both of you.

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    • I think I do, but yeah, I was just young and I grew as a person, just wish she'd seen that and then trusted me

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    • All very true, it's just a shame I couldn't have learnt those lessons before I met her

    • You can't learn everything, the important is that you did by now.

  • I think you did nothing wrong. Like for example when my mum gets mad at me she will always bring up stuff I;ve done 4 years ago. Even Though she's forgiven me for them. Also LIke whenever I have like an argument with my brother I always bring up things he's done in the past. It doesn't mean I don't trust him It's just like something women do. Like we never forget. I think You shouldn't have left her and you should have just asked her to stop doing that. Good relationships are never easy you have to work hard for them. I don't know if that was helpful.

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  • Maybe you are better off, sadly there are always regrets :(

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    • Do you think she'd have eventually trusted me?

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    • Just wish I could meet her again for the first time. There's nobody out there like her. She was the one

    • Awe, If I had a $1 for every time I have heard/thought that :(

  • aww you seem so sweet

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  • Gaaaaahd, seems like we're on the same boat except for the cheating. in my opinion, it was right to end it. Not healthy anymore.

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    • I didn't cheat ^^ I just lied about my past from the weeks before I met her (which I learnt to never do again).
      But yeah, I guess things will get better?
      🙈

    • I'm sorry. 😁 Well, better things are coming your way. Not your loss, man.

    • I hope so ^^

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