Her husband wants divorce because she cheated on him?

[Anonymous]

I have a 31 year old friend who is married to her 33 year husband. I was with her at a party 1 month ago and there she drunk too much and ended kissing a guy for about 2 minutes and then i dragged her away from him before she does more (i saw only the last moments and didn't hesitated to stop her, how long it lasted and what exatly they did was said by her personally to me).

She never confessed to him because she didn't want to make everything bad because of a meaningless kiss (she didn't knew this other guy and never saw him again). But unfortunately a guy who has a bad relationship to her husband filmed the kissing and send him it after this incident (he did it to make him suffer but he never showed it others because he didn't wanted to let his wife look bad cause they used to be friends long ago, maybe more but i never heard about anything like that)

I know her husband personally and we are great friends. I know that he is a very emotionall and nice guy who treats other people very good. Thats why it hurt him especially bad that his wife of 5 years cheated on him. I know that he cried a lot and distanced himself from his wife. He now wants to have a divorce and never wants to see his wife ever again. He already prepared everything for divorce but he still hesitates.

His wife cries always and regrets everything and wants to make up for it somehow. She knows that being drunk is no excuse and she even said that if i haven't stop she probably would fucked this guy. She us now depressive and is completly broken inside.

We know her husband and we know that he hates cheaters because he was already cheated on by his ex and forgave her just to be cheated on again. He is sad and loves her over everything and thats why he hasn't filled the divorce but he is afraid that she would do it again. He lives after the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater".

I wrote this question because my friend need help to save her marriage. She needs advice.
What can they do?

Updates

+1 y

At his currect state of mind he will never go to counselling.

[Wonderer89]

Well the time for advice has come and gone. There were several places she could have potentially redeemed herself and she missed every one of them.
- not to get so drunk in the first place that she loses her inhibitions
- if she is going to imbibe stay home where she isn't tempted if that's the kind of person she is
- she could have gone straight home and told him what happened and asked for forgiveness instead of lying to him
- and now she can wait to see what he wants to do and work on being a decent wife and human being while he decides.

Cheating is a choice, she has made choices which have resulted in this situation. Now her husband gets to make his, and if he decides he deserves better than that's ok too

[RolandCuthbert]

I don't know what either one of you want. The trust is broken. That's the rock every good relationship is built upon. He no longer trusts her. That is the currency in a relationship. She has none. So everything she says to him, he becomes suspicious of. They may have had a great relationship, but that was then, this is now. And now it is miserable because she kissed a guy and did not come out and tell him. He should have found out from her. But now she expects forgiveness? Maybe he will one day. But now, she has to back away from him, give him some space, and be there at a moment's notice should he need her.

That's all.

[Gsxrj]

This relationship is doomed. He got lied to in addition to cheating. Keeping an incident like this from someone is lying. Let him go so he can find a more responsible girl who does do shit like this.
The best thing she can do is learn from her mistake and let him go. Letting him go is the consequences to your actions. His actions right now make it clear he doesn't want to be in this situation any longer. Please let him go and deal with your guilt.
She messed up badly and can't fix it. Let him go, move on, and don't make the same mistake again.

[Asker]

Not i was the one who cheated. Irs about a friend of me, i would rather die then cheat.

[Ilittles]

Unofrtunately our friend is a horrible person... i though here would have been some redemig quality to her but after reading how she told you if you didn't stop her she would have slept with he other guy just brings her to the lowesr of scum. Vermin.
I would not want to give any advice to benefit your friend because she needs to live with her poor decisions of betrayal.
Tell your friend to allow her husband to an easy divorce. Let him set the stands of what he thinks is equal. Choosing to cheat on a person you swore an oath to cannot be unpunished.

It is very selfish of her to cry about wanting to save "her" marriage but what about her husbands? Maybe she needs to hear all aspect of the answers to this question.
The fact she can do this and cry about wanting to save her marriage is pathetic. She never respected him enough to know what is right from wrong,. Every person would cheat if they were slaves to their inhabitions, only a quality person can mastertheir vices

[spidersspiders]

They need to divorce. This hurt him immensly. Cheating in a relationship is a boundary. If he lets her cross that boundary then he's shown her that those boundaries dont matter. She did a horrible thing and she recognizes that its awful. Now after the divorce and with some time she won't do it again to the next guy she's with.

[Thinkthought]

if he did forgive her then she would feel like she got away with it and later on cheat on him again. mostly like by sleeping with someone. she never told him, so she is dishonest which makes it even worse. unless she it's willing to do anything to he wants to get him back he should get rid of her.

[saudiguy1]

Good for the guy, he is doing right by leaving her. No guy should tolerate getting cheated or having their partner keeping secrets from him.

[Asker]

It was just some making out. Is it really worth throwing a long relationship away?

[Cocacolamm]

Yes, once the trust is gone its gone there's no coming back

[akadatank44]

I dont think it's that she did that it's that she allowed herself to do it. If you weren't there she would of fucked that guy. Alcohol is no excuse for cheating. I'd probably feel the same way. she's 31 fucking years old. Grow the fuck up.

[Cocacolamm]

As far as I am concerned she has made her bed and now she has to lie in it, I am just happy the man had the guts to end it and not stick around.

[Grobmate]

This relationship is gone. Once a cheater, always a cheater is true from my experience. I feel for the husband. And drunk or not... she deserves to be alone. That is devastating.

[Anonymous]

Ask her if I hadn't stop you the other night was you going to fuck him
from what I saw if I not been there he would been fucking you
May I ask you a question do you want to fuck her husband

Ever like to masturbate with me give me a shout

[FýrdracaDócincel]

Cheating: Hard to make up for, but possible.

Cheating + Lying + Keeping secrets: Yeah no.. It's too late for them.

[FýrdracaDócincel]

Tell her she should cut her losses here and let him make the divorce instead of making things worse.

[Hawn84]

If he really loves her like you say he does the only thing that might fix this is counseling. Honestly the relationship sounds like it is doomed even with counseling.

[Robertson3D3]

There can be forgiveness. Some serious talking will need to be done buy essentially it's up to him.

Your friend should not feel too bad. Yes she messed up and having guilt is healthy but her husband should essentially still love her after the fact.

[Chernobyte]

that's cuck talk. this man can never truly trust his (soon to be ex) wife again no matter what. anyone that cheats, girl or guy, is never going to do it just once no matter how much they lie to themselves

[Anonymous]

What would have happened if you weren't there to interfere?