PLEASE HELP!! Do depressed partners usually come back?

I've been dating this really awesome girl for about 2 years now. She's a little on the clingy side, but she's cute, quirky, and was everything I was looking for in a woman. She's also full of energy, something I never really was but she's made me step out of my comfort zone and I liked it! However, things took a complete 180 recently. Almost 2 1/2 months ago, completely out of the blue, she broke up with me because she felt as if she was "dragging me down". I had no idea what prompted this until I literally had to fish it out of her that she had depression. She's suffered from it in the past. She said she wants some time and space for herself and it wouldn't be fair (to me) if I was included. Not knowing everything it entailed, I've been doing research on depression and leaving someone alone is the absolute worst thing you can do. But, I told her I respect her wishes and I'd leave her alone. She said she doesn't want to cut me out entirely but felt she couldn't be in a relationship "at the moment".

We haven't spoken since. I sent her a text a week after the breakup reminding her I was still there for her. I've been pretty good with the "No-Contact Rule".

Get this though, we are still friends on social media and she is constantly online (Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram), liking posts about "how good it is being single" and such. I see her post pics of herself being happy with other guys commenting on them and she responds to them instantly. So much for "not cutting me out entirely" right? I want to be a nice guy, and yes I know I know, I should be the one to unfriend her on social media because at this point we aren't even friends. I know all I'm doing is hurting myself even more, but I'm stuck.

Do depressed partners usually come back? Or have I just been getting played this whole time? Is it even worth it? She's pretty religious so I don't think she has the morals to cheat or hurt me, but who really knows in this day and age right?


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What Girls Said 1

  • This is a unique situation, and something you really have to evaluate for yourself. From what you've wrote here, I wouldn't have high hopes for her coming back into your life, but again I am not sure how she's feeling or what her intentions are.

    Usually breakups are for specific reasons, and since you two didn't really have a reason, it could have been something she was hiding. Maybe she wasn't happy with the relationship anymore, or felt bored by it, maybe she felt differently about things, and used her depression as a way to explain her sadness, when in reality it could have been something else entirely.
    Only she can tell you for certain.

    I would keep going through with the No contact rule, and allow yourself to distance from her. If you want to keep her on social media, do so, but like you had said, it will only hurt you more seeing her activity there, and noticing the other guys comments.
    If you really want to know for sure, write to her. Explain you're breaking the no contact rule to ask her one thing, and include how you're feeling. Let her know you want a direct answer about how she feels / the relationship, and go from there.

    She might be happier on her own for the time being, but don't ever put your happiness aside for someone else. You come first, take care of yourself and if this is really giving you a hard time, message her and ask for a true response.
    To me,
    It does sound like she's giving you false hope for something that most probably will not happen, and the only reason why she wanted more space yet wanted to keep you around, was a way of letting you down nicely, instead of cutting you right out of her life immediately.

    I hope things workout the best for you. And remember, think of yourself. You deserve better than to be waiting around like this.
    Best wishes to you.

    • This really helps me a lot, I know women are hard to figure out sometimes. I like what you said about how it could've been another reason she is hiding. I thought about that but like you said, only I could know for sure. She even lingered on telling her friends and family that she broke it off with me, not sure why or if that meant something but I guess you're right, time will help it. I just wasn't sure if this was normal for someone with depression, like why talk to literally EVERYONE else, except me. Oh well, thanks again!

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