My Boyfriend Left Me For His Ex. Why?

I was recently just broken up with a few weeks ago. I'd been dating this guy long-distance for 5 months and it was really amazing. Even though the distance, we made it work and I was flying to see him a ton (for a week or two at a time) or he'd come visit me. So basically we had to move fast because we'd be living with each other each time we visited but it was really great.

He'd told me he was in love with me, wanted to spend his life with me, and he was constantly in shock that he's even been able to get a girl like me. He would always remind me how pretty I was, how I looked like a model, how much I meant to him and made him happy, etc.

A few days before he was supposed to move back home (near me) we got into a minor fight but made up a day later (we've only maybe gotten into 2 very small arguments throughout our relationship.) He moved back home a few days after and I saw him that same night. We slept together, he told me he loved me, etc. and the next day he broke up with me? He said that he was going to be too busy with his job and wouldn't have time to focus on me. I was shocked. Well.. a couple days after he told me he just didn't "feel the same anymore." I was also shocked to hear that because it was so random and unexpected. He did all of this over text because he refused to meet me in person for some reason.

Eventually, he fessed up after three weeks and had told me his "heart had always been somewhere else." I found out he'd gotten back together with his ex right after he'd dumped me. I was so sad. I said some harsh words to him but we eventually ended on somewhat good terms (even though he'd hurt me badly.)


Does anyone even understand this? Do you think I was just a rebound to him? I find it really strange how the first day he moves back home he dumps me, even though he'd been telling me for 5 months the only reason he was coming back home was for me and his job. He told me to move on, he wishes me well, etc. Do you think he ever loved me?


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What Guys Said 10

  • So a few things to note here:

    1. Its hard to tell if you were a rebound. He may have sincerely wanted to be with you, but since he probably had a greater investment in the ex-gf (e. g., he was dating her for years, and perhaps knew her family... etc), it would have been difficult for you to win that battle once she came back on the scene.

    2. Your 2nd paragraph, "He told me he was in love with me... etc", smells of a used car dealer con man to me. The majority of men do NOT say these types of things because it sounds fake and cliché, belonging more in TV shows and movies than real life. The types of men who actually say these things are con men. Those who prey on a woman's insecurities by paying them endless compliments and verbal signs of love. Women eat this shit up, and certain men give these compliments because it's the fastest way to get laid.

    3. Paragraph 3 and 4 tells me he is a coward, and unable to grow a set of man balls. He was not able to tell you honestly that he was going back to his ex. Trust me, he didn't break up because he just didn't "feel the same anymore". He broke up with you because his ex was taking him back, and he pussied out by making fake excuses for his breakup with you.

    Long story short. Its hard to tell how strong your relationship was over a 5-month long distance thing. You probably thought the relationship was stronger than it actually was. Given this, you probably thought more highly of him than he deserves, since you only notice the major flaws in the long-term. I would tell you to move on, and reject him if he ever tries to come back or contact you. Nothing good will come of a relationship with someone who is willing to drop you like that.

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    • Thanks so much for replying to this.. it actually helped a lot. I agree with you on a lot of this. It's just so strange to me because he seemed so emotionally involved with me. I do know that his ex and him (when they broke up) ended on good terms. Maybe they'd agreed to breakup when he went away and to see where things were when he came back home? Sounds messed up but that could've been the case.

      I don't think he will come back.. and if he did I'd be shocked. He did so much damage to me, if he even wanted to come back I don't know how he even would. He's blocked me on everything possible so for now I just need to accept it and move on.

      The hardest thing to let go of are all of the empty promises he made to me. I think that's where I'm stuck most... well and the rejection too. But at least I know my worth!

    • Yeah, it sucks. The blocking is most likely because the ex-gf found out about you, and forced him to wipe every link and connection to you.

      If it makes you feel any better, most relationships that break apart and rekindle are doomed to fail. The unfortunate truth is that people break up because of inherent incompatibilities. Even if they want to change themselves in order to save a relationship, it is almost impossible for most people to do.

      For example, you seem like a nice young lady. If you needed to become a total bitch to save a relationship, you could probably become a bitch for a little while, but your natural instinct to be nice to people would eventually come back and take over.

      People with short fuses, impatience, or stubborn attitudes... who need to be more rationale, patient and forgiving, can not change their ways. So the reasons why they broke up in the first place will come back in a few months or years.

  • I don't think you were a rebound, he did love you but when he at some point talked to his ex he was being stupid and his heart flew back to something safe, probably going back home reminded him of everything he had with his ex. It's stupid though because you were happy together. I'm sorry this happened to you, that really sucks

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    • I think you're right on that. He either loved me or was infatuated with me.. It just sucks the way he handled things. He completely shut me out and wouldn't even agree to talk in person. He just left.

      But, for whatever reason this did happen and maybe it was a blessing. I really appreciate your input :)

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    • Yes, time does help a ton. I don't think he meant to hurt me but he realizes he did and I think he feels bad.. at least he's told me he feels horrible. But his actions say otherwise, if he really loved me as much as he did.. he wouldn't have jumped back to another girl so quickly. But that's his problem, not mine

    • Very true and well stated

  • it seems rather clear as he said that he was never fully invested in the relationship with you, contrary to his behavior during it. he was still into his ex. perhaps he wanted to believe he was ready to move on and so he jumped into the deep (so to speak) in a relationship with you but ultimately it seems clear his heart was still never fully vested.

    i'm sure he has love for you. probably loves you but isn't in love with you.

    sorry for the situation. it's really pretty messed up

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  • Maybe someone he saw as important from his past became available again and he only found that out when he moved back to his old town. Maybe the biology kicked in (males only really care about sex the first six/seven times on average, best kept secret in biology). The same thing happened to me with a girl who dumped me, andI leart that it was through presdure from her friends who didn't like where I came from.

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  • Rebound for sure.

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  • Sounds like an asshole he was just using you, be happy he is gone. Move on and forget him!

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  • Usually it is because he wanted to fix something with a former partner. Fill a broken part of him self with another person. if she broke his heart he has to get some kind of reconciliation. He lives in the past

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  • He only wanted you, but now he doesn't anymore

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  • He loves her more then u

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  • He found you convenient and took advantage while he reworked the old relationship. Guys do that.

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What Girls Said 1

  • because he loved her

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