Why won't she let her guard down?

[Anonymous]

I am 22 and my girlfriend is 19.

I really like her a lot and I know she feels the same way towards me.

As corny as this may sound we have discussed how we have a "connection" that neither of us has ever felt before.

Regardless, my girlfriend is very insecure. She has been in bad relationships in the past and it's hard for her to trust guys because of these previous relationships. I always feel like she is keeping her guard up and I just want her to realize I really like her and I don't want her to think I am going to screw her over like every other guy.

The worse thing is that I am heading out of the country for 6 weeks in about 15 days. It will be a great experience for me and I am really looking forward to it. However, she is worried that I will forget her/not want to talk to her when I get back. Of course it will be hard, but I definitely want to see her and be with her when I get back (not to mention she already lives 1 hour 30 min from me so we are already in a long distance relationship). Sure, 6 weeks is a long time, but it's not the end of the world. I want to see her when I get back and she wants to see me.

I'm not sure what to do. She has already mentioned how hard it will be for her when I leave and at this point she isn't even sure if she can see me right before I leave cause she is afraid she is setting up herself to her hurt and she will cry.

I'm not sure what to do.

I like this girl a lot, but her insecurities and doubts don't help at all.

I wish she would just let her guard down.

It's hard because I'm sure in the back of her mind she is thinking I am going to screw her over. All I can do is reassure her that I like her and want to see her when I get back.

What should/can I do?

Thanks so much

[SectumSemprae]

That sounds hard, and I wish the best for both of you. Just keep being patient and showing her you care, like you already do. Over time, she will let down her walls. She trusts you a little more each day. I wonder if she has someone to talk to, like a counselor, about her past relationships? It hurts to keep it bottled up inside, but it might be good if she talks to a counselor, someone who can help her work through it and coach her on how to open up to you. Time and patience... Another thing: girls love it when guys tell them about their days. It shows that guys want to include them in their lives. If you don't already, maybe write to her and tell her what you're about to be doing. Then it might give her some questions to ask you to keep a cheerful conversation going... You: "Tomorrow I'm going to the arboretum..." Her, later: "So how was the arboretum? See any roses?" ;)

[foreverlove21]

heres what you do explain to her why you love her why she's important to you why she's beautiful to you and why you truly truly know in your heart she will be the only thing in your head those six weeks! while your away try to send her letters explaining your trip and how you miss her and what you can't wait for when you get home send her pictures or postcards so she knows everything you said before you left was true! if you really think you guys have that connection you'll have the patience to slowly help her bring her wall down and trust me once its finally demolished you'll be glad you were patient!

[Anonymous]

Just follow through consistently. If you say you're gonna see her when you get back, do it. Words are nice, but it really is true that what you do is more important. Maybe send her a letter or something while you're gone if you get a chance, but there's not much else you can do.

If you decide you can't or don't want to deal with her insecurities, just be honest about it. Don't let her think you screwed her over too.

[Phoenix52]

Oh hey there! I just answered your other question hahaha.

Anyway, yeah - I told ya to text her and say "I want to see you so I'm coming over". Well you know what ... you can make it a surprise. Just ask her what she's doing some night and if nothing, just pop up at her place and take her out. See her for a good while.

She's insecure ... well you can put trust into her before you go and say with a smile to not worry about anything - you'll be back soon. If she cries, comfort her. Infact, go out of your way to call her or email her while you're overseas.

[Guacamole]

All you can do is enjoy each other and have a good time. It's sad that she has so many insecurities, but, then again, she's all of 19. The world is a confusing and sometimes intimidating place. Hopefully, she'll outgrow this and become more secure and confident (and hopefully you'll still be around and still care when she does defeat her personal demons!).

[bluewingedangel828]

you just have to keep reassuring her your won't screw her over only thing you can do along with proving it with your actions. and over time she will trust you more and let her guard down. same situation between me and my boyfriend of a year

[hunnie-bunches]

There is no short cut to prove to her the outcome.She will just have to see for herself when you get back.Hopefully then her insecurities will subside.Goodluck.

[Jordanarah]

try doing something really speacial for her so she knows how much you care

[radioolay]

Try getting her to talk and really listen to her.