I'm so sick of crying myself to sleep at night over him, please somebody tell me how to deal with this hurt?

I've been hurt really bad this year by a guy and although I'm starting to move on I can't get passed the hurt. He really crushed me then just left me to rot. He wouldn't apologize or explain anything to me. I asked him what was going on and why this was happening but each time I asked him he just got more abusive. He really did mean a lot to me and I really gave a lot of myself to him. I know that was a big mistake now and I know he's a monster and not the lovely person everyone seems to think he is. But it doesn't make any of this easier and I can't seem to deal with any of it. I simply can't believe he has been this hurtful. But I'm sick of crying tears for him and really want to move past it. Can anyone help? All this year I've been waiting for him to talk and explain and apologize for his behavior but there's just no way.

I've met a couple of nice guys recently but I cant' talk to any new potential date about any of this, it's far too soon.

Will somebody please please give me some advice on how to deal with this. Please?

Updates:
A Few varied answer there! Thanks everyone. I'm going to try and move forward a date a bit

0|0
914

Most Helpful Guy

  • Time. There is nothing else, it Just takes time. People often act impulsively, doing what is best for them, not considering another persons feelings. I have fell victim to this as well. After by the way, stop crying for him, cry for yourself. Cry over the fact that you hurt, and You Let him hurt you. Your going through grief, I can relate cause I am too. Even if you think you know someone you never really do.

    As for talking to guys you are dating... don't ever bring up an ex, this is the most unattractive thing You can do. A guys mindset will quickly change from potential mate to only getting laid (on a date guys will always think of this at some point, the difference is good guys will be willing to wait, although they still want it).

    Do you work out? This is a great way to kill 2 birds with one stone. When you start having these feelings I recommend going for a run, or working out. When you do This it releases endorphines and will make you feel Good. Also, it helps with self esteem because you starts noticing toning and shape. Then You truly get revenge, because when he sees you 4-6 months from now, and you've moved on, You will look great and he will never be able have you, because you've learned to.love yourself more than him. Good luck.

    2|1
    0|0
    • I like the way you just say time, and that it is a form of grief. Because it is a 'death' of sorts, and you just have to go through the motions unfortunately. People are saying move on and date other people, and believe me I HAVE done this loads, I'm an attractive girl with a good personality and have no trouble meeting guys, but when you are in this place, a new guys or guys just reminds you of what you don't have anymore in your special person. Anyway, I am getting passed it and have hope now

    • I'm glad you are putting two feet forward. I am still hurt and have decided that the next few months are dedicated to figuring out what I want in life, how I can improve, what I have learned and how to not get hurt. I wish you the best, heartbreak sucks, there is nothing worst. But life has to move on right? We will learn and grow stronger, you ever need a man to relate to (I often find talking to the opposite sex gives good insight into a situation) let me know.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 13

  • To get over the hurt, learn to focus on something like exercise. I know how you feel. I started doing the treadmill each morning, and it really helped me with the stress of being rejected by a girl.

    I know that he meant a lot to you. I am going to give you the best piece of advice I can give anyone, put on your best red dress and go out.

    Go out with your girlfriends for drinks, and just look around. You will feel way better, and you might meet someone.

    If you just sit at home and wallow in self pity, you are going to make yourself physically sick.

    Do not place your happiness totally in the hands of someone else, especially one person.

    You are setting yourself up for disaster.

    If you see things in this different manner and take the steps that I tell you, you will get past your hurt.

    I know how you feel because the same thing happened to me this year. I was totally devastated. I had to get a lot of advice as to how to get past it too.

    If someone doesn't reciprocate your love, you can't force someone to love you, and that is it.

    Take some time to let yourself heal. You learned something about yourself that you did not yet know. You don't need to see someone new right away.

    This is the best answer I think that I could come up with. Take care, luv.

    3|0
    0|0
  • This is ABSOLUTELY a form of greif! As you said, this is the death of something very important to you! Time is the only true healer, but as miserable as the tears are, you'll get over this a lot faster & better for it now that you've let that out & not denied it & bottled it inside! Your ex is a fool, & he's extremely vile & cruel! Being with one of the new guys and building a new something special in your heart is the next best healer to time, & when it's built strongly enough, you'll know when you're ready to tell him what that monster did! Hope you feel better, & just know: He's got his own hell coming!

    1|0
    0|0
    • I love your answer, spot on. 100%. Very wise and very helpful

  • I totally know how you feel. Listen to "Xenoid19". It is a lesson hard learned that you will grow much stronger from. You should stop thinking about him in any way. When you find yourself thinking about the negative things you should try to think about positive things like your goals, things that will allow you to feel better about yourself.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Sweety, this guy sounds like he may not be capable of loving and respecting you the way you deserve. The best thing you can do is just move on. He may never tell you the truth for why he hurt you, he is not worth being an issue for you anymore and you are giving him to much power over you.

    Trust me I have had my heart seriously broken more then a few times, I just recently risked everything to be with a girl who said she wanted to marry me. Now she owes me 2300 dollars and left me for another guy, she told me I was perfect for a year and then changed on me overnight..

    These painful experiences make us stronger and help us get ready for the person who will trully love and appreciate us.

    don't wast your time on this guy. If he cared about you he would not have left you with so much pain.

    I know how much it hurts but you need to get back on your feet, heal, and move forward. Try looking into buddhist insight meditation. It helped me clear my mind when I was extremely hurt.

    Love your self first and heal. Then find a guy that is better for you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • its still to early from a year ago? wow umm I'm sorry hun but you gotta move on, I don't know how old you are but drinking, smoking, meeting new people, partying (basically being proactive) shoud help ease the pain... and if you can't love the one ya want then love the one your with... and baby I know the first cut is the deepest...

    0|0
    1|0
  • You need to talk to someone. A nice guy is a good choice. It's not too soon if it's stopping you from moving on.

    Also, it's agood test for these new guys. See if they understand and sympathize or are just uncomfortable.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Yeah thanks. I have actually met a really nice guy in the last month. Not going to say anything to him about any of this though. Not for a while at least. But anyway, yeah, sure we'll see. Looks like I won't be seeing much of the other guy around anymore anyway. Perhaps its for the best.

    • Yes, I think so. Try it on the new guy. See what he's made of!

  • Find another rich good looking guy, have sex with him til you can't wolk no mor'. That'll help you get over the hurt.

    0|1
    0|0
  • You don't need he if you sexy and beautifully you can get any guy you wanna don't let him win cause that what he think he won cause you cry over him ever night stop cry and move on the world is gone go on don't get up on love and find somebody right for you...

    0|0
    0|0
  • Get laid. When I was down in the dumps for 8 months because of a girl that was the only thing that reminded me that there are other people out there I can date, other people I can be with and that my ex was just a worthless ****.

    0|2
    2|1
    • Haha I got a thumbs down. The truth is you need to realize the guy was probably an idiot and you're better off without him.

    • He wasn't an idiot but thanks for your answer, I appreciate your help

  • I can not place a link here so I tell you google this

    "osho on relationships" and read what the mystic tells you. It will help for sure!

    0|0
    0|0
  • You need to do something you like to do. Trust me I've been there. What do you like to do? Whether it is going out with your girl friends or going to parties to meet new ppl. Whatever you like to do, DO IT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!

    0|0
    0|0
  • Date, date and date.

    0|0
    0|0
  • just get fingered/layed. Then go to da clubz and parrtayyy! sex with other people helps you get over your sh*t.

    0|0
    4|1

What Girls Said 9

  • i would just say to get out more, and start talking to other guys. just realize that if he acts that way, then he doesn't deserve to be with you anyways, because there is gonna be someone out there for you who will never do anything to make you feel upset, as well as be upfront and honest with you. even tho it may seem like you'll never get over him, just give it time. you eventually will. when this happened to me I thought no matter who I was with, I would always wanna be with him more, but that's not true. I actually started to resent him for what he did and the heartache he caused, and now I really don't care if he talks to me or not, so maybe you'll start to feel this way too? if you want to try one more time id maybe message/text him saying you just want to talk one last time about what happened, that you need closure, and after that you'll leave him be. if you know he cared about you, tell him that if he did care about you at all to please just do this one last thing for you.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Good answer. And I agree with everything you said except you last suggestion. But I understand the sentiment. But I can tell you I will not be contacting him again. Ever. I had faith in him for the longest time and I feel so stupid for having that faith that was unshakable for so damn long. But he slowly ate away at it and I can assure you it?s well blown out of the water now. He is not a reasonable person, and he is not capable of having a calm adult conversation about this. He is too hurtful

    • Show All
    • Here here. Hoep I can do the same. I've recently (like only in the last few weeks) met a guy I think I like. Wish me luck.

    • good luck! hope everything works out 4 ya.

  • I think instead of dating and moving on, perhaps its time you learn to love the only thing worth loving right now-yourself.

    He clearly left without an explanation, but whatever it is, the answers will come with time. Move on my love, because I promise you, when he DOES come back, you will have forgotten about him and moved onto bigger and better things.

    Focus on yourself, learn to love yourself from the inside out and focus on what's important to you. Perhaps enroll in school or try a hobby you've never tried before or if you really want to go bold, give yourself a total new makeover! It is a new year, and is finally a time for a new you! When you begin to love yourself and give off that beautiful glow and happiness, much better men will come crawling along and what seemed like a heartbreak will slowly fade into an experience.

    Your beautiful and I promise with time, it will get easier. Surround yourself with positive people who love you . Love him for what he gave you and forgive him for what he has not. Best of luck!

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well, from the sound of this, he was real a$$hole. It's hard to get over hurt when it comes from some one you trust, whether it was emotional or physical. The best thing t=you could possibly do for your self is to realize that none of the hurt was your fault- it was all him. He was the jack-a$$ that hurt you. You didn't deserve any of it. You do, however, deserve a man that will treat you the way you should be treated, with love and respect.

    It's probably too soon to fall back into the dating pool, because you'll probably be drawn to men like him. Instead give yourself some "single" time. Think about what's best for you and focus on things that don't revolve around whether or not you have a boyfriend or not. Do what you love and, when you feel good about yourself again, then start to think about dating. And don't go for the "sweet" guys that are really just insecure idiots that turn abusive. You want a good guy who is actually good on the inside.

    (I've never really experienced what your going through, but my mother suffered for years, hopping from abusive boyfriend to abusive boyfriend, starting with my father. She never gave herself time to sort herself out and realize that she was on the path to destruction. I've learned so much from her struggles and I share it every chance I get. NO ONE deserves abuse.)

    Time will heal you, but you also have to heal yourelf. Just don't dwell too much on him... And DON'T let yourself miss him!

    0|0
    0|0
  • RIGHT I WENT THROUGHT THIS LAST YEAR.. YOU FEEL THE PAIN IS SO BAD INSIDE YOU CANT BREATH AND YOU JUST WANT TO SCREAM AND GET RID OF THE HEAD ACHES AND THAT HORRILE PAIN IN YOUR CHEST.. THE WAY YOU DO THIS IS WHEN YOU FIND SOMEONE NEW THAT YOU LIKE AND FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM THAT PERSON GOES COMPLETLY AND YOU THINK BACK AND SAY WHAT WAS I EVER DOING.. TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT HIM ALSO LOOK FORWARD TO SOMETHINK WHAT I DID WAS TRY SAVING MONEY UP FOR A CAR AND I PUT ALL MY THOUGHTS IN TO THAT..DONT SIT THERE LISTENING TO SAD SONGS AND THINKING BOUT HIM..JUST REMOVE THE BARSTAD FROM YOUR HEAD :)

    0|0
    0|0
  • even though you meet a good guy you wouldn't forget the person who hurt you and you would still cry .People would say let the time do the talk but the only one who knows on being able to open up to someone else is you. You doing good because you letting someone new be part of your life but the best thing is not bringing up the person from the past to your new potential date.Having good friends next to you and being able to explain or express yourself what you feel would make you feel better but when you are not doing something is when your memories would come back and the hurt comes back again.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Get yourself back out on the playing field and get thinking of other things than this guy.

    0|0
    0|0
  • like the best answer said, time. like a hangover. lol jkk although the analogy is pretty accurate. anyways, also do activities that take your mind from things like that, like... math. I hate math...it takes everything of my concentration. lol

    0|0
    0|0
  • Never let a man have control over you, no man is worth your tears.

    0|0
    0|0
  • im sorry to hear this. I've felt the same way. A 'nice guy" hurt me he is a real d*** I'm am glad I know the real him.i regret my tears for him but sometimes we have to learn the hard way.

    Get involved in something go out meet new ppl. Do what makes you happy. I promise you that time will heel you and someday you will find someone that loves you.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading... ;