Boyfriend wants space after blowout fight... this has never happened before. Help?

[Anonymous]

Me and my boyfriend have been dating semi-long distance for 3.5 years (we live about an hour away but manage to see each other at least once a week). Lately my boyfriend and I have been having dumb little arguments, but way more often then usual and he seems to be less patient with me/irritated by me. On Wednesday night we got into the biggest fight we’ve ever had and said some really low blow stuff to one another which also turned slightly physical by shoving one another away (Prior to this we have NEVER laid hands on each other). Afterwards we cried together and cuddled to sleep. The next day I asked to speak after work and he said he didn't think it was a good idea and I should just leave. I tried reaching out later and he didn't want to talk about anything, although we both apologized. I asked if were were breaking up and he basically said he didn't say that, but it was a possibility and he would like to work on things but he doesn't think it would be easy so he doesn't know and he just needs a few days. Its now Sunday and I still haven't heard from him. Is he going to break up with me? I told him Id respect his space and it would be tough to work on but im willing if he is and that I didn't want him to stay if he genuinely doesn't want to work through this. I have been making myself sick to my stomach convinced he is 100% going to break up with me. I dont know what else I could do or if its a loss cause in general.

[SueShe]

I believe he is seriously contemplating a break in the relation as there are 2 indicators that make me think of that.

1. You live too far apart, even if you see each other once a week. Mainly now that there is tension, this must be addressed right now and not in a week and that type of problem cannot be solved over videochat or texting.

2. The fact that he left you out for such a number of days also leads me to believe that he is fed up of that LDR issue and that this fight of yours was an excellent pretext to sever the relation on a more or less distant future.

I would proceed as follows:

Write down on paper what you feel and your emotions and send it by snail mail to him. Give him this 3 or 4 days it takes to receive your hand written letter and see how he reacts. Normally, when there is a certain distance, not only in terms of miles but also in number of days, things tend to cool down because people have time to think things over.

Then, text him or call him and tell him that you would really like to talk the matter over in peace and without harsh feelings. You will prepare a list of issues that bother you in your relation and ways to remedy to them. Ask him to make a similar list, independently from yours and again, for him to find a solution to those problems.

When you meet next time, go over both list and try to find a consensus. Never accuse or get angry because that does not help in your situation. Good luck.

[nomadia]

This sounds like the onset of an abusive relationship, it starts with quarrelling, shoving, then before u know it its out of hand. This could be due to the fact of the physical assault. He could be thinking about how he could have let it gotten so far. Some men who do this for the first time feel extreme guilt. He may be need this time to fix himself and it may not have to do with u.

[ExcellentHarry]

Sorry to hear it.

If you feel you love him and you feel you can genuinely be happy and continue together, and more importantly progress in the relationship after this, then maybe try contacting him. I think only you will know what is truly right for you. Just don't rush, whatever you choose to do, and try to take a step back and reflect, if I were you.

On another note, although I don't approve in any way of men putting their hands on women in anger, at least you aren't trying to manipulate things and you are honest in that there was a struggle rather than one-sided domestic abuse. Sorry. Seen it all too often, that's all. Point is, it doesn't seem to me you hold much or any resentment towards him, and importantly you recognise there may be a shared blame here. It's getting him to recognise that too, though.
It'd mainly be down to your gut feeling and his feelings at this point, on whether he would be willing to try to resolve things, if you think that's the right thing to do moving forward.

Wishing you the very best of luck, whatever happens.
🙃🙂

[rud0_88]

First of all, who started being physical? I came out of an abusive relationship. Never hurt my ex, nevrr touched, but at the end of our 6 year relationship, she started trying to hit me or push me.

Verbal fights are bad enough, but when you get to that point, its over.

So who pushed first? If you, then yeah, id say he's done. If him, then id say, you should be done. Yeah, 3 1/2 years is long, but it's long distance and that adds more stress.

Just remember, these are lessons learned and it'll all be okay. Just fix it in future relationships. I can't tell you if this relariiship is over, but it does sound like it.

[Cici1998]

Breakup with him i know it's hard and it hurts but time heals everything do it asap before you waste more time I dated a guy for 3 years he told me we needed space i gave him like a month after that month ae started arguing again ( he lived far too ) we broke up the next week i see a snapchat story with a new girl and they started dating after that :)

[btbc92]

If he wants to say, "I don't know" about breaking up, he probably already did already. Just end it. It's over.

[Anonymous]

It's impossible to say where his head is and whether or not he will be back. But giving him his space is the best thing you can do.

In the meantime, give some thought to what led you both to this and whether there are any lessons to be learned that might be useful in the future.

Good luck to both of you.

[Avicenna]

Its a bad sign, but he needs to cool off before you can talk to him.

[mikeD760]

Break it off distance never works he means he wants a break to hook up with others