Ok, so I was with this girl for a little over a year. Prior to our relationship she dated a kid for about 4 years, beginning at around age 18. They had broken up many many times due to him cheating and lieing to her. She had never had another boyfriend besides for her ex until I came along. When I had met her they werent even together and I'm pretty sure he had done something bad to her around the time I did meet her. A lot of the stuff that he did to her is really really terrible stuff. Her family does not like him and I don't think her friends want her getting back with him. Throughout our relationship, her ex would constantly text her and wouldn't leave her alone. We almost broke up about 6 months into the relationship because of her ex. Eventually, after many months of fighting with him- probably more than we fought- it got to the point where she told me that she couldn't just not be his friend. I knew what was coming eventually, and I did nothing to stop it until I foudn out she had lied to me and was hanging out with him. When I broke up with her, hoping it would be a reality check, she turned it around on me and basically told me she was going to start talking to her ex again. a couple weeks after the break up we talked again and eventually hung out and it was very obvious that we both missed each other. When I confronted her again about getting back with her ex she told me that she is talking to him again and trying to not rush into anything. She was extremely close with my family and all my friends and we could do anything together. She basically lived at my house and was basically part of my family. Perhaps all we ever needed was a break. I was so good to her and would have never cheated on her or done anything to ruin my relationship with her. I don't understand why she would ever going back to her ex after he has cheated and lied to her so so so many times throughout their relationship. It kills me, mainly because I lost my best friend and the one person who I loved and was closest too. Id appreciate any feedback, thank you
Most Helpful Girl
Unfortunately, most of us are like that. I was in a relationship for 5 years. I'm 25. I started dating him when I was 17. He was a complete douche...We broke up and got back together why? Because I had spent so much time with him it felt like an investment, I HAD TO MAKE IT WORK! (Craziness I know). I also thought "No one gets me like him, What if he moves on to someone else?" (Woman and Men, even if we don't want a person anymore, if they begin to move on we feel terriotrial and possesive becasue "that used to me mine".) We're twisted at times. But in the end I was used to him.Used to the constant emotional rollercoaster that anything other than that felt foreign and unknown that it scared me.
The thing is you haven't done anything wrong! Your a great guy! you said it yourself...but no matter what you do or say as long as she is sitll emotionally investing time and effort into her past relationship you and her never stand a chance. The only way she can actually be herself around you and give you genuine emotions is if she completely detaches herself from her ex...and that takes time. She might be trying to do so but the ex keeps reeling her in and she keeps going back. She says she might be taking things slow but we have all said that and its just another way of saying " I want my cake and eat it too." NOT COOL.
Family and friends have all met her and that's cool no big deal. But I would advice no to share your love troubles with family because if you tell them what she's doing they are not gonna like the pain she is causing and they will dislike her. Then if you get back together with her there is no way of repairing that negative image the have of her. Try and talk to just ONE close friend who has a good head on their shoulders and can give you honest hard truth about your situation...
I would really suggest you telling her not to contact you until she decides what she wants to do. And tell her she can take all the time she needs but your not gonna sit around and wait for her. When you talk to her don't get all emotional talk to her with a nice carefree tone. She needs to realize that she's loosing out on something good. Then go out and keep yourself busy the first days will be hard and she will contact you but you need to stand your ground its unfair for her to play with people emotions only because she wants to be selfish. Stand your ground and suck it up! trust me my boyfriend did this to me and I was dying. It made me realize I couldn't continue in a toxic relationship and I was losing somehting great. She might not have the same reactions but in the processyou will stronger! GOOD LUCK GIVE ME AN UPDate! YOU CAN DO THIS! I'm rooting for you!0
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