Why do girls go back to cheaters and liars?

Ok, so I was with this girl for a little over a year. Prior to our relationship she dated a kid for about 4 years, beginning at around age 18. They had broken up many many times due to him cheating and lieing to her. She had never had another boyfriend besides for her ex until I came along. When I had met her they werent even together and I'm pretty sure he had done something bad to her around the time I did meet her. A lot of the stuff that he did to her is really really terrible stuff. Her family does not like him and I don't think her friends want her getting back with him. Throughout our relationship, her ex would constantly text her and wouldn't leave her alone. We almost broke up about 6 months into the relationship because of her ex. Eventually, after many months of fighting with him- probably more than we fought- it got to the point where she told me that she couldn't just not be his friend. I knew what was coming eventually, and I did nothing to stop it until I foudn out she had lied to me and was hanging out with him. When I broke up with her, hoping it would be a reality check, she turned it around on me and basically told me she was going to start talking to her ex again. a couple weeks after the break up we talked again and eventually hung out and it was very obvious that we both missed each other. When I confronted her again about getting back with her ex she told me that she is talking to him again and trying to not rush into anything. She was extremely close with my family and all my friends and we could do anything together. She basically lived at my house and was basically part of my family. Perhaps all we ever needed was a break. I was so good to her and would have never cheated on her or done anything to ruin my relationship with her. I don't understand why she would ever going back to her ex after he has cheated and lied to her so so so many times throughout their relationship. It kills me, mainly because I lost my best friend and the one person who I loved and was closest too. Id appreciate any feedback, thank you


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Unfortunately, most of us are like that. I was in a relationship for 5 years. I'm 25. I started dating him when I was 17. He was a complete douche...We broke up and got back together why? Because I had spent so much time with him it felt like an investment, I HAD TO MAKE IT WORK! (Craziness I know). I also thought "No one gets me like him, What if he moves on to someone else?" (Woman and Men, even if we don't want a person anymore, if they begin to move on we feel terriotrial and possesive becasue "that used to me mine".) We're twisted at times. But in the end I was used to him.Used to the constant emotional rollercoaster that anything other than that felt foreign and unknown that it scared me.

    The thing is you haven't done anything wrong! Your a great guy! you said it yourself...but no matter what you do or say as long as she is sitll emotionally investing time and effort into her past relationship you and her never stand a chance. The only way she can actually be herself around you and give you genuine emotions is if she completely detaches herself from her ex...and that takes time. She might be trying to do so but the ex keeps reeling her in and she keeps going back. She says she might be taking things slow but we have all said that and its just another way of saying " I want my cake and eat it too." NOT COOL.

    Family and friends have all met her and that's cool no big deal. But I would advice no to share your love troubles with family because if you tell them what she's doing they are not gonna like the pain she is causing and they will dislike her. Then if you get back together with her there is no way of repairing that negative image the have of her. Try and talk to just ONE close friend who has a good head on their shoulders and can give you honest hard truth about your situation...

    I would really suggest you telling her not to contact you until she decides what she wants to do. And tell her she can take all the time she needs but your not gonna sit around and wait for her. When you talk to her don't get all emotional talk to her with a nice carefree tone. She needs to realize that she's loosing out on something good. Then go out and keep yourself busy the first days will be hard and she will contact you but you need to stand your ground its unfair for her to play with people emotions only because she wants to be selfish. Stand your ground and suck it up! trust me my boyfriend did this to me and I was dying. It made me realize I couldn't continue in a toxic relationship and I was losing somehting great. She might not have the same reactions but in the processyou will stronger! GOOD LUCK GIVE ME AN UPDate! YOU CAN DO THIS! I'm rooting for you!

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    • it won't work.. you are in fantasyland if you really think he can will her away from some loser who has his hooks in her fckn brain, as well as her heart...

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    • anyway..if she already have relationship v u..she shouldn't have relationship v ex..if its just friends then is ok..but can't date him privately..must tell the ex that its over..but can be friends only.. If she still having sex v him and etc...u have to dump her.bcos he not sincer or faitful to one relationship..b4 start new realtionship hv to end up d preview one.than is fair..or else she just cheat on u...

    • Speak for yourself...

      If you have no self esteem, doesn't mean the rest of us don't.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 9

  • because girls are stupid...they don't use their brains while making a relationship decision...so they end up all hurt and bewildered and feeling "wronged". if she gets cheated on again she has no one to blame but herself. that guy has shown how he is.

    and why do you want such a gf? you yourself are not using any logic. she has almost left you for an ex who is a total jerk and you still want her back... for what? so that after a few months she again does the same...

    u know what...just run away from this nonsense

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  • first I want to say sorry for what you are going threw... I don't know why girls do that I am one of those girls just stupid I guess. but I am going to tell you this you can't change her and it will be her lose of a good man she was not the girl for you there has to be some one better for you every thing happens for a reason it is what it is just try to move forward the pain will go away with in time and she will keep going thre the drama till she feels she is tired of it them she will se what she has lost with you..

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  • It's hard to give up on someone when you have so many memories with them. Sometimes you're afraid that no one else will want to be with you but that's when you need to realize that some guys aren't worth it. and If they don't appreciate you , you can do better.

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  • Eventually, if she's smart. She will choose right. If she doesn't, she isn't worthy.

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  • they love them.

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  • bcos she love him..still not yet get over..

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  • they are sad.

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  • they are insecure.

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  • Because they're stupid, insecure, idiotic, scared to be single forever asses...

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What Guys Said 5

  • A guy who can cheat on a girl, is sending a very basic signal. He is desirable. He is wanted by other girls/women.

    This makes him attractive to some women. It's biological. It's nature.

    When a girl is older, her instincts will change, and she'll be more interested in finding a good nesting partner, provider, home builder.

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  • LET THE SCUMBAG HAVE HER... YOU EX-GF IS HOOKED, he knows it... he knows he can have her anytime he wants... she is addicted to him... he is a POS.. but she LOVES that POS... sorry you hadta deal with that... she is going to have to learn the hard way what a real man is... I say you need to cut her loose.. get out of that forever-toxic environment... to continue to 'be there for her' is foolish... you will be that emp-tampon that women HATE... and you will suffer for it. You will go for years without having someone love you like you love them... girls like your ex are just jumpoffs and sex toys for 2D guys (cheaters, players, etc). DROP THE DUMB BITCH! get on with your life!

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  • Dude, just give up on her, she ain't worth your time. I have met women who have left good guys for guys who were literally registered sex offenders. Makes no sense but it happens.

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  • its a lack of reason and accountability.

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  • because they like being dominated, its normal

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