Dumped me because there is no ‘spark’ ?

[Anonymous]

We know each for 7 months, dating for 5 months. Breakup just occurred. He said I was such a great / awesome girl and that we match on many points (intimacy, very good sex, etc). He said he liked me, was attached to me, kinds of feelings. But there is not the ‘spark’ that makes me special.
For my part, I was starting considering this relationship as a long-term one. I told him I have a lot of personal issues (family) that I’ve never told him about, so I’m very nervous on a regular basis. And I met him right after a 2y-toxic relationship, so I had a hard time trusting him.

So, I was not completely open and outgoing with him. That’s why I asked him a second chance, because the ‘spark’ thing is not enough to end up things, but he is not willing to let us more time...

What I don’t get is, the morning preceding the breakup, he just did a STD screening, like that we could finally have safe sex. For me, it was the sign of him wanting a long-term relationship with me.
He was the first guy being serious and kind with me, I’m really disappointed and hurted. We are going to see us and to have a talk in a week or two. Is there a chance for him changing his mind until then, and is there a possibility for him suddenly missing me by having no contact for a few days? (It is our 1st time spending time apart)
Thank a lot

[SammyGurl]

I'm so sorry, that just sux! Not sure what's going through his head, he kind of sounds like he got mixed up for now. I would try to keep in touch with him if he will let you. Just because there's no "spark" doesn't mean that it's not smoldering beneath the surface!! It sounds like you two clicked on all levels so not being sparky or sparkly is just kind of a minute point, if he wanted you to be flashy or spontaneous, those are things the two of you could have worked on together. But to state that as a reason to walk away, just doesn't make sense. For right now, don't pester him, let him know you're there though, just don't creep him out that he thinks your stalking him or something. When and if he's ready, you kind of need to talk about this, he needs to let you know what it is that he really thought was the missing link; maybe it's something you could work on. At the very least, maybe it's something you could learn from to carry on to another relationship after you've healed emotionally from this one. You sound pretty hurt over this break up. I don't blame you either, you sound like you thought it was going to be that special relationship that everyone looks for!

[Asker]

Hi, thank you so much, that’s helpful. Yes, for me that sounded like this relationship I was waiting for without even knowing it could be such a great thing. I don’t pressure him, I just do no contact for now, I think it’s better to let some time and to make him feel what it is to be apart. I wonder if being separated from each other can make him miss me and rethinking things between us..
I hope he would be open to let me know what he was excepting and if he‘s ready to let me work on that.
I’m sensing like he got mixed up too, but maybe he doesn’t tell me everything and there is something about me he doesn’t like, i don’t know..

[SammyGurl]

Thank You!!

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear this lovely. I've been in a similar situation where a guy said the same thing to me and straight away my BS alarms started going off. I think he's just used it as an excuse to call things off now he can sense you seeing it as something serious, he just doesn't want that and never did because I don't believe you change feelings for someone just like that if you really liked them to begin with? I know it's the last thing you want to hear so for that I'm really sorry as I know it sucks but I do believe honesty over false hope is best, but I'm wondering if he's seeing someone else and is trying to keep you on the back burner just in case it doesn't work out with her, knowing that he has you hooked with your feelings for him now. It's real shitty of him but because you've been in toxic relationships previously you're likely to be drawn to something similar unless you can break that cycle, maybe you're on the road to doing that eventually and he's just a stepping stone - a bit better than the last one but still not good enough.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

The lack of spark is a reason to break up. When we love someone it's not because they are funny, smart, beautiful. Many peopler have those qualities. It's the way they are funny, smart and beautiful. The click, the spark, the chemistry matters a lot and it's caused by the smallest things.
Chances are he likes you a lot, but doesn't love you in the same way you love him. If he doesn't feel that way to end things now, not giving you hopes and hurt you even more later he prefers to end things now.

There is a chance that he might give the relationship a chance when you meet up. If you haven't showed him your real you then I hope he does and that things work out. Just be prepared for all the outcomes.

[Asker]

Thank for replying, that’s help

[Asker]

that helps* sorry

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

No problem 😊

[i_am_tbjxii]

No I don’t agree. Time to let go it may be best. My ex went through a lot as well as did I but she decided to give up by saying “maybe a break” and guess what? We fell off. Time a apart doesn’t work. The spark that’s bs because if your meant for each other the spark will be there the whole relationship. That’s an excuse through thick and thin a person is gonna be there for you. Trust me, after I got hurt I swore I never was gone find no one again but a year later I met one a amazing girl we been together for almost a year. Let go someone better will come trust me.

[Asker]

I don’t give, we just going to meet in a few days but I would like to wait for my exams to be done before having a talk with him. I was just wondering if these few days being apart could make him missing me...
Thanks for replying

[i_am_tbjxii]

Ofc np. Maybe you make think so but has he messaged you? Is he checking on you? All the energy your giving him is he doing the same?

[i_am_tbjxii]

Don’t go chasing all it will do it will hurt you more. Y’all talk and see how it goes but all I see is excuses

[Asker]

The breakup just happened so i can’t answer this.. 😕

[i_am_tbjxii]

That’s fine give it time but don’t wait too long and stress yourself

[Asker]

Yes, thank you 😕😉

[i_am_tbjxii]

Ofc I been through what you been through (uncertainty) so feel free to message me when needed.

[Asker]

You’re so nice, thank you so mich

[i_am_tbjxii]

No problem

[i_am_tbjxii]

Thanks for mho 😊

[loveslongnails]

I presume he is about your age? What often happens with boys that age is they've been fantasizing about what real love will "feel" like, and the rush it will bring. They start to believe that "if I don't feel that same intense rush every day, as the day I first met her, then something is wrong". If he thinks of THAT as "spark", he'll only be disappointed but nothing is like that initial rush. Remember the first time you flew in a plane and took off? That adrenalin rush in your stomach for the first time? Well if you fly a lot, that goes away completely and you don't even notice. So he's probably a little "scared" because he thinks "I'm not getting the same rush I used to" and is relying on that sensation alone to be his guide. I just think he's immature. If what you say is true and many other things are really good, he needs to understand himself better and stop thinking of "the illusion of love" he has as being correct. It's not. Can he, or will he do this or believe it just from talking it through? Hard to say. But if he's entrenched in it too deep, you don't want that either. You don't want to invest more time and hear him say down the road "I tried but I still don't feel the spark I need". To answer your question, staying away for a short time won't tell you much. You've been on a honeymoon and you're a "habit" right now. Three or four days apart won't give him time to actually think. But I wouldn't put it on "indefinite hold" either. You shouldn't do that to yourself. I'd leave it as "we're done... if you come to some life changing realizations then you can see if I'm still interested, but I'm not waiting around for you decide". Then stay out of contact... no texts, no comments on social media, nothing.

[Guanfei]

Perso, je pense pas que tu casse une relation comme ça, pour un détail, et surtout soudainement, si il n'y a pas un truc derrière. Je pense qu'il y a une autre raison et qu'elle est là depuis un bout.
Ça peut être n'importe quoi, soit il t'as utilisé faute de mieux, ou il a rencontré quelqu'un, ou il a un truc chez toi qui le dérange, ou il a un problème extérieur qui l'embête, ou il a fait un truc qu'il pense que tu vas pas aimer du tout...

Le coup de l'étincelle, tu le remarques pas au bout de 5 mois, c'est au début que ça se voit.
A propos de ce test, t'as su les résultats? Il y a peut-être un truc aussi.

[Asker]

Je sais pas ça me paraît déjà soudain, il m’a annoncé ça du jour au lendemain. Selon lui, il y a pas ce « feeling » qui fait qu’il nous voit continuer la relation sur un an et qu’il vaut mieux arrêter (sauf que personnellement je suis déjà bien attachée et je me projetais avec lui). Il dit que ça fait un ptit moment qu’il ressent ça et que si on se voit pas souvent c’est finalement parce qu’il en ressent pas le Besoin,
Moi aussi je trouve très bizarre comme « excuse ». Je lui au expliqué que cette sorte de connexion qu’il recherche ça vient avec le temps mais que là c’est trop tôt, mais il veut pas m’écouter.
J’espère que ce n’est pas une autre fille... Dernierement il était assez préoccupé parce qu’il vient d’entrer dans la vie active et sa vie de « jeune » avec les sorties entre amis, la fac etc lui manquent, il en avait assez de sa routine.
J’ai essayé de lui faire comprendre que j’ai pas eu l’occasion de vraiment m’ouvrir à lui à cause de mes peurs vu mes relations précédentes + des soucis, et que ça méritait une autre chance, mais qu’il fallait qu’on communique.

[Asker]

Non pas de résultats, il les aura demain je pense. Et je n’ose plus lui envoyer de messages vu que l’on n’est plus « ensemble ». J’ai trouvé curieux en tt cas de prendre l’initiative de faire ce test pour casser le soir même.
Merci de ton aide c’est super, vraiment

[DocilexElle]

HUGS! Your post really touched me. I'm so sorry, girl <3 :'( Is it possible that he just had no other reason to end it? What do you mean by safe sex? You mean you could finally have sex in general?

Do you feel there are things you didn't totally connect on. Like; just because someone has a great face/body/mind... there could be something that isn't connecting: ie; humor, goals, intellectual vs emotional?

[Asker]

Oh thanks 💛😞 Safe sex means with no condoms. Do you think he gave me a false reason to end things?
No at all, that’s the point. For me we had a connection at every single level..

[StellarDrift]

I won't base any of this on age. With that said, the ball's in his court at this point, we'll yours too. He can decide if he wants to cut this spark nonsense. You can decide if you want to wait around to be with someone who bases whether they want to be with you based on feelings. In my opinion, he hasn't matured yet probably. I've gotten that line. before, and honestly, wish I hadn't wasted time reeling over someone who gave me some bs "I don't feel a spark" for you crap. You're worth more than that.

[StellarDrift]

I'm also assuming there's nothing else going on. Stress, etc can affect it, but then. Personally speaking, I wouldn't leave someone just because of outside stress. If anything it would be comforting having something good through all the bad.

[Miss_Savanna_Dry]

I honestly hope someone "better" didn't came along and he is trying to see where it goes with that someone and if it doesn't go anywhere he is going to run back to you in that week or 2.

[Asker]

I suspected him to see someone else recently, because I found distant. Lot of girls comment his pics on ig (he is the good-looking type that many girls attempt to flirt with..). I remember talks we had with him telling me he never cheated in any of his relationships, so that’s why I don’t believe he could be with someone else but I have a feeling that there is someone else.
Yes probably..
Thank you for your help

[Miss_Savanna_Dry]

I don't think he is cheating :) IF there is someone else he is interested in, he at least ended it with you first, which is the right thing to do. Hope it somehow works out for you whether it's being with him or not, it's up to you. And pleasure ❤

[Asker]

Hm yes, I get it.. 😪 Thank you, all the best to you too

[Asker]

💛😊

[GuidoThePizzaMaker]

Damn, no spark? This guy is delusional. A woman is only as special as you make her.
I think he will chase sparks his whole life, because he afraid of finding a flame.

He probably doesn't see anything long term with you and he probably won't change his mind. Sorry. Hang in there, time will pass and its probably for the best

[Nik1hil]

Honestly!..
Spark is all bullshit we speak.. To get in Girls pants and then again use it to dump them..

Watch movie - " How to be Single "

And he never seen you as that special person hence he wasn't never meant to be your girl..
Move on.. Sassy one

[Tram321]

Sorry to hear that, he just sucks balls! The best thing you can do is tell him he’s “such a handsome dude, although I realize I’m not attracted to you,” I highly suggest to say that because he just said your not “special,” which is a dick thing to say. The only way for him to maybe change his mind is to walk away, give him space to chase or let him be gone so a better man will come into your life.

[DarkxAngel20]

Ask him what he really wants from you. If he really liked you, then why would he say there’s no spark in you?

[Asker]

Yes that’s the point i don’t understand.. he says i almost perfect but there is a lack of chemistry somewhere. But we don’t see each other too often to develop stronger feelings..

[Asker]

Thank for your help i appreciate it

[DarkxAngel20]

You’re welcome! Glad I could help! See where things go. I feel it’s too soon to give up on him.

[Asker]

I feel like it’s too soon too. But how convince someone to love you? I don’t think it is possible.

[DarkxAngel20]

Just let it flow naturally. if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.

[Asker]

Yes.. Thank you 😕😊

[DarkxAngel20]

Glad to help!😊

[missgirlie114]

To me it seems like he’s not going to change his mind. Seems like he has his eyes on something else already. I would just go with no contact. And when you do see him act happy as if a break up didn’t happen.

[elizamichale1]

Seems like he just moved for whatever reasons a d certainly spark isn't enough coz it can be worked out
How did his screening go by the way

[Asker]

Yes but that’s the only reason he gave me. Said that he was annoyed to breakup because he liked me, and that we match at many levels. I don’t know if there is any other reason..
He is going to have the screening results tomorrow i guess, but I don’t dare asking him and texting him now we are not a couple anymore..
Thank for replying that’s help

[Asker]

that helps*

[elizamichale1]

To me its very strange to be honest coz if he says you 2 match at some points then it already means you have some spark but coming out suddenly and claiming otherwise doesn't make any sense
I think there must be something serious behind such move and you need to work that out honey
Open up to him a bit more and give him confidence that whatever the reason is you are with him... it may help

No worries honey its pleasure if i may help

[Asker]

Yes that makes sense for me too..
I know he was too stressed these last weeks, and was thinking a lot about his career and to go back to university, and he get bored of his routine (being in the active life, never seing people of his age, never going out with his friends, etc) all this bothered him a lot lately.
I would like to open to him and to explain that i had personal issues stopping me to be truly myself.
Thank you so much

[elizamichale1]

Well you have spotted it then
Just give him that confidence that he can have his space and be with his age fellows friends etc and tell him with all that he wants you can still be together
I hope it sorts out for you honey
Pleasure darling pleasure

[Asker]

Do you think this is the real issue and he gave me kind of a false excuse? Yes he knows i support him. But I felt it coming lately because he was asking himself so many questions about his current life and had trouble by settling..
Yes you help me a lot, it does me good to talk

[elizamichale1]

Yea apparently it seems so honey coz that isn't enough to break up a relationship
He just wants different routine

[Asker]

Yes for sure.. but he doesn’t want me in it?

[elizamichale1]

He will once he will know you are ok with his new routine honey

[Asker]

Okay, coz other gag people told me he is not going to change his mind.. thank you. 💛

[elizamichale1]

No harm in trying when you are really into him honey

[Asker]

Yes sure.. 😞😊

[elizamichale1]

Goodluck then

[Dark93]

If he's not feeling a spark after that long he's probably got more problems than he's letting you know about.
Could be work, family, or just general life issues causing stress or anxiety to the point where he can't properly focus on a relationship.
As far as I'm concerned, relationships don't have a spark like a firework, they have a flame that you have to nurture from a mere spark into a roaring bonfire of love.
That takes time and he seems impatient.

[Asker]

Thank for your help. I think exactly the same, a relationship is something that takes time and needs to be kept going, with efforts. I told him we need time and we are in the good direction. But i can’t change his mind... i’m going to see him in a week or two, i hope he will be re-think about all this.
I also think it can be other issues. He has been stressed by his work and his degree, he asked him a lot of questions about his life, he was kind of lost.

[Dark93]

Being that stressed he needs you more than ever, he needs someone to make him smile.
He's seeing a relationship as another task to juggle instead of his main source of joy.

[Asker]

Yes that’s what I think too. And I am very supportive.. But maybe he might be see this as something stressful too, as you said.

[Dark93]

I hope everything can be worked out (:

[Asker]

Thank you 😊

[ShadowofRegret]

I am no expert on dating, but I would say give him more time, it sounds like he may have some things he needs to work out on his own.

[outside_Toronto]

Move on. If there was no spark, time apart isn't gonna ignite one.
Find someone else

[Anonymous]

Well I guess time will tell. Sometimes it's best to take time apart to see what you guys really want. But tbh I don't know what he's talking about with the spark thing. That ass is fine 😂

[Asker]

Thank for replying, yes some time apart can be good, but i’m afraid he did his choice and don’t want to change his mind anyway.. well he likes the ass too but there is a spark missing apparently it’s not enough haha..

[ROCKS128]

You made mistakes with him.

[Asker]

Probably, but like what mistakes?

[ROCKS128]

That is for you to figure and learn.

[Dog19]

It's over, time to heal