Cheating ex owes me money, advice?

[Anonymous]

I lent my ex some money and soon afterward we broke up cos he had been cheating on me. I thought he was gonna pay me back da money cos he promised he was gonna but its been ages and I'm still waiting. I've asked him loads of times but he doesn't do anything. I don't know what to do cos I don't think he is planning to pay me but I really need da money and also I don't want him to get away with it. what can I do to make him give it back?

Updates

+1 y

Thanks y'all. I'm in the US but he's not, so I guess going to court won't work out...

[Anonymous]

Be patient. If you already reminded him he owes you money. He is the one who has to live with that fact until he repay it.

I once had the same problem with my ex. I wanted my money back so bad not that I didn't have that money, but I didn't want him to just get away with it. Later, I thought, I should let it go because if he could cheat on me in our relationship, cheating on the loan money wouldn't be so difficult for him and I should not let this hold me up. So, I let go both the cheater and the money. The way to look at the positive way on that is to pay someone to leave me alone with that amount of money (around $200) is not so bad deal. We went disappeared from each other for quite a long time, after that.

You know what? I turned out he could not live with the fact that he owes a woman's money. He came back, asked to make things up… blah blah… I pretended to be nice. When we roughly touched the topic about him taking my money, he finally returned it to me (after 3 years). I knew, he still flirted around dating some other women in the meantime. I hate him like hell, but I did not just take money and went disappeared… I still hang around with him for a while not to make it too obvious that I just waited for the day he come to my door and repay the money. I got him bought me this, that, those a bit as I considered they are interested for 3-year loan.

Finally, when the opportunity came, last month, I let him know that I knew that he was still dating other girls. I let him know I cannot accept that and took that as the reason to completely close the chapter with him. I am now moving on without anything due unpaid between us. Sweet heh?

[Asker]

ha wow...after 3 years. some people!

[Anonymous]

It's going to suck to hear this ... but you;re never going to see that money unless you take it to court which will just be more money for the lawyer then the amount he actually owed you... trust me.. been in the situation (not where I had to go to court) but where he owed me almost 500$ and I never saw it.. ever he avoided me like the plauge and changed his number and moved and everything... pathetic on his part but trust me hun... you aren't going to see that money unless you go to him with force or a cop.

[Asker]

yeah I'm starting to get less frustrated...it's annoying but I guess he isn't doing it particularly to make me suffer, he's just doing it cos that's what he does and he doesn't care...

[Opinion Owner]

They don't care. I mean a lot of guys aren't cowards enough to run away from things like this but honestly... you could go to a small claims court and from there its thr judges word ... its really not fair most of the time... good luck though with whatever you do.

[reeltaulks]

Forget about court and whatever foolishness that you think will work, it'll be a waste of time because if he won't give it back to you now he won't later on even if the court says so. Learn a lesson from it and move on. Just remember that people will give you a title to make you feel good, just so they can have their way. In the future be sure you know who someone really is than who they pretend to be. Titles mean nothing ie: boyfriend, sweetheart and all the other bulls sh*t!

Vonda G. Nelson

[Myth024]

Even if you attempt to sue him for the money, unless you have some kind of signed document or witnesses that can testify your pretty much out of luck. It's obvious you can't trust his promises because he's already cheated on you.

However, sometimes if you can actually file the lawsuit and he's forced to appear in court, some people will pay up just to avoid going. If you want to get really sneaky, you can figure out a way to record a conversation with him where he admits you loaned him the money. If you have e-mails or some kind of communication that says he will pay you back later or even if he says he will never pay you, that can also be used as evidence. You can also make a nuisance of yourself and call him every day. Send him letters or e-mails, show up where he works and demand he pay you back loudly. You might get him to pay you just to get out of being embarrassed. Just a couple of ideas and I have no idea if any of them will work.

[katiesmuff]

Small claims courts (up to $10,000) is handled much differently than a normal court and the usual contracts etc are not all that necessary. It is more of a verbal type thing where the judge will listen to your claim, talk to the other party then rule. If he thinks your story sounds reasonable generally the court will rule in your favor and you will get your judgement.

[Myth024]

If you do everything you can to get him to show up to court because your suing him and he doesn't show the judge can still rule in your favor. Then you have the right to place leans on any of his assets. Of if he's out of the country, if he ever comes back there may be other ramifications.

[themastaplan]

unfortunatly, if you go to court its all "he said, she said" ..unless you have proof of you giving him money or a reciet or something where he signed and agreed to pay you back then your really SOL.

even if it was a word document printed out and said i, your name, am giving "ex bf's name" $300. By signing this sheet I agree to the terms stated above. then he signs

he said, she said, doesn't tend to work in the court anymore...maybe if there was a witness who SAW you give him the money...but I really think your SOL, I'd suggest go taking something of his somehow and selling it...xbox, ps3, whatever...or at least hold it for collateral

[katiesmuff]

Read my comment to the above answer!

[themastaplan]

i was just in small claims court, they said we needed evidence to prove our case, like usually all cases go...i had evidence and the other party didnt..i won because of the evidence, they had nothing to back up their story where I did

also in NY small claims is up to 5,000 not sure where its 10k! damn states and their different laws!

[katiesmuff]

Well if you live in the US and it is enough money to make it worth your while, you can take him to Small Claims Court. It is for cases such as yours, keeps the expences down because you talk to the judge yourself (no lawyer involved). Check with your local courthouse if this applies to you. It is so easy and much different than most courts. Variations of this are the court cases you see on those court TV shows

[Anonymous]

Well unless you're gonna go after him with a baseball bat (and I'm not suggesting you do this) then really there's nothing you can do, you can keep pestering, but you might still get nowhere.

You could get some really big mean looking guy, who you know, and get him to intimidate the guy a bit (without the use of violence), or your dad...that might work...but to be honest I get you need it, and don't want him to get away with it, but is it so important? and could it be that may be you'd like a bit of revenage for cheating on you...cause I can understand that and I'm not saying you don't have the reasons, but prehaps letting it go would be the best solution...

I' a passive person, so I feel if its not really that important, its not worth bothering about...but it would depend on how much he owed you.

[xxKillerxxKittyxx]

I agree with, the other ... anonymous user... lol... depending on how bawlys you are... but honestly... unless you go to him with a parent or two really big muscular men you will unlikely see this money... best of luck to you... I know how much it sucks hun... been throught it

[Melanie22]

please let it go. do not let it hold you back. give yourself love and move forward. take this lesson to the next relationship. life is sweet. just keep the faith

[diabloknk]

How much money was it? Was it less than $10,000 and yet still significant? Then go to small claims court. Is it more than $10,000 - unless you have a written contract, you're not likely to see that money ever again. Is it a small amount, like $50? It's probably best to just write it off - too much hassle to get it back.

[StupidButCunning]

I'm afraid that doesn't leave you with many options aside from illegal measures. What happened to the good ol' days, when you could kill someone for entering your home. Or kill someone simply because they pissed you off. Or kill someone to take their domain and possessions by right of blood. Ah, I miss the good ol' days.

All joking aside though, move on without it. The money's not coming back.

[sigsauer45]

I think what you need to do is for get about the money and move on with you life or you can take him to court and get you money from him but it would cost you more money that you may have lent him so just move on

[Phoenix52]

Don't ever lend money to someone again. 99% of people never pay you back. F*cking cheap@sses need to learn to STOCK UP and not spend it like it's cake.

[synmar]

He's not going to pay you back, period. Think of it as a price to get him out of your life.

[Asker]

Haha, yeah true. I don't understand how some people live with themselves...!

[synmar]

He'll pay for it, trust me. Someone will screw him over one day. He can hide from you, but he can't hide from Karma.

[DebiPie]

Kiss it good bye! Never loan $ without a written, notarized agreement, signed, dated agreement.

[7gnat]

let it go. when you die you can't take anything with you. and I know you need it but take it as an expensive lesson.

[ObsidianTaint]

Hire a professional lone shark and inflict upon him great fear and he shall pay.

"just a thought"

[sallysweetheart]

The best thing you can do is give him an ultimatum tell him he better give you your money in X amount of days or you're going to take him to court. That alone might spook him into it.

[deadhead82]

Take you loss.. If he has not paid you back he will likely avoid you like the plague.. You got rid of his ass and did not have to pay much...

[Craziie]

Take this issue to court for sure !

[Anonymous]

Pay the mob to sort him.

[DonMichelle]

Where's he from?

[Shaun]

Sue him.

[themastaplan]

with what evidence?

[Shaun]

You're on crack. You don't need a contract to get a judge to rule in your favor in cases like these. Haven't you ever watched the people's court? The judge will listen to both sides and decide who he believes.

[xxKillerxxKittyxx]

a lawyer would cost more then the money he owes her. They would both lose the case and owe the court money. I've had a friend in the exact situation. Except the guy owed her like 4 grand and she sued him for it and ya she won but she owed the lawyer money. Good lawyers that win you cases... cost more then the trouble is worth.

[Shaun]

Small claims court. No lawyers.

[themastaplan]

this is true, but why not bring evidence...it just backs yoru case up even more

[Shaun]

You don't understand how small claims courts work. The judge will listen to both stories and side with the story s/he finds believable. Simple as that.

[JasperX92]

Go to Judge Judy.

[Anonymous]

Forget him