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52Opinion
If he wants to be an immature prick then have the meeting with the kids and you can tell them he was too much of a coward to be there. What's he gonna do? Nothing because he won't be there to defend himself. Win win for you.
I supposed I need to stop expecting normalcy.
Nyce guys finish last, eh?
He who laughs last laughs best. Thanks for answering!
Exactly, I always do. You are most welcome. I wish you the best of luck and I hope everything gets better for you.
🥰🥰🥰
So yes its shot that he is doing that but at the end off the day if this is what u want and he dont im not sure why u would expect him to step up and do his part remember u are no longer a family unit
His kids are his family. This is about the children. Divprce is damaging enough. Why aggravate it by making the ripping off the band aid part so to speak even worse?
Because it makes it worst for you if he is already to some level abusive why did u expect him to act better here when his behaviour has caused u to want to end it he blames u and most likely wants the kids to do the same
Boggboss you're a real one. That's it isn't it. I'll prepare for both scenarios.
Without a bout its easy to read he is either doing it to punish you or in hopes u may back out I understand u want him to act like a father but how can he do that when he has already shown u he can't be a good partner
Siiiigh. I have a lot of healing to do so my head and heart is still maladjusted. Thank you. 🙌🏾
No problem and good luck hun also well done for. pulling out now I know its hard but better then showing your kids negative trais for picking a partner in there future
He’s being childish. That is NOT the best thing for the kids.
Also, good for you! You deserve to be happy! ❤️
I have never heard of one parent announcing it being a good thing ever. He was pissed hopefully he'll come around.
Thanks, girl 🥰🥰🥰
He needs to snap out of feeling angry at you and focus on what’s best for the kids.
Of course! 🥰
Cheers to new beginnings! 🥂🎊
Daaahhhling. It's going better than I could have ever imagined.
Yessssss! 🥰
It depends on why you are asking for the divorce. If there was infidelity, abuse, etc., then it should be alone. If you are asking just for selfish reasons, then you should take the brunt of letting the children know. However, both parents should be present.
Well apparently leaving for abuse is a selfish reason for some people on here so damned if I do and damned if I don't.
There is no way to please everybody.
He doesn't want a devorse you do so to dump it on you makes sense.. if you both did it be different but I see a man who loves you to let you go but wants you to do it by yourself so you might change your mind if he lives earlier you might miss him.. and not want the devorse at the end of the day
It's not about love but supply. But he is hoping I come crawling back for sure. He will be a better parent if we are apart even if it is to look like the good guy.
Its a power struggle then he wants to be deemed the better parent the one that never wanted mommy to leave but that loves mommy to much to force her to stay sorta deal.. im guessing
He can paint any picture of you he wants when your not around..
Yes and no. With narcissists they are in fact envious of their supplies so they want to destroy you.
He even admitted to me that I have to put myself back together.
He knows he's been messing up and does feel bad. The thing with narcissists is that they don't like dealing with emotions so they project all their negativity onto you then gaslight you into thinking they are your emotions.
That's how they suck the life put of you. No one will do this to me
Yup I agree its a its not my fault world
Yeah and people still get mad when you own your own crap.
Ohh for sure.. but do what you gotta do to keep yourself abd your kids safe from growing up in that toxic environment
I pray a lot. Thanks, love.
I try and help
He’s your soon to be ex husband. You can try to shame him all you’d like but he doesn’t have to do anything you want him to do. You can’t say you don’t need him anymore then tell him he has to do something for you that he “agreed” on. You technically agreed “til death do you part” so why do you expect him to follow through on anything? For the record, your husband is being an asshole. You have the opportunity to control the direction of this divorce by explaining to your children what type of man their father is and why you’re splitting. He can whine and complain that you’re turning the kids against him but he blew his chance to explain his side. Now you get to be the good guy and he will be the guy who wimped out on doing something important for his kids.
I'm not Christian so while I did marry in the hopes of forever, this was not a vow I took.
Til death do you part is not an arbitrary reason to stay married.
I'm not a control freak but yes I guess it is an opportunity to steer it towards the positive.
Thanks for chiming in.
I never said I didn't need him anymore ever at all so I don't know if you are perhaps mixong up questions. Actually implied the total opposite in needing him to be fatherly but I guess you have some covert axe to grind.
What vows did you take if they weren’t forever? Legally speaking, it is a lifetime agreement. I mean, you do have to divorce to get out of this agreement. I do think your soon to be ex is acting like an asshole so it might be better for you and the kids to completely cut ties if he’s being abusive. Don’t misunderstand me on the reason for your divorce either. I do think you have valid reasons for divorcing him. Whatever happens with announcing it to your kids may determine how nasty the divorce gets. If he’s already backing out in a cowardly way then he may not fight you on the terms of the divorce. It might benefit you long term by not confronting him about this.
As I said in my first reply, I'm not Christian so I did not have a tradtional western wedding where a priest recites vows and do you so and so take so and so blah blah blah but my intention was to be married for life.
To the last sentence yes I see it as perhaps he is doing me a favour.
I believe it's best for the kids if both parents make the announcement. It lets them know that they are loved and important to both parents. Having said that, if one parent is not behaving rationally or have the guts to be present at a family meeting they should at least meet the kids on their own soon afterwards to let them know they are still going to be a big part of their lives.
Yes, I guess if one person is having toouchbof a flip out but deep down is at least rational if not empathetic, letting them have their own say when they've calmed down is the best one can hope for.
Life isn't fair, but his actions and weakness reinforces why you want a divorce in the first place
Yes, for a long time I wanted to give him the benfotnof the doubt. But then he will just keep showing himself. Ugh..
I really thought we would make it but the red flags were there in the first month. I just ignored them.
11 years. It wasn't all bad but he changed recently.
My family isn't around so the mask came off.
Yeah the problem is a snake is gonna be a snake, sometimes they can hide it for many years or charm you into ignoring their snake behavior
I'm sorry it didn't work, but now is the time for your strength for yourself and your kids, since he obviously showed you can't rely on him
Announce it to the kids yourself, but tell them the real story. Don't go like "we could not get along, it happens". Tell them what was actually going on. Don't try to sugercoat his behaviours.
He deserves the hate, he doesn't care about his kids nor you
I won't get into those issues yet. He will start to manifest his narcissistic behaviours and then I can start explaining and arming them with the knowledge to deal with him.
Good luck :)
A rather shitty situation all round. But your kids probably aren't as dumb as you've made them out to be, and they probably already knew the score before you did.
Best bet is to sort out your divorce first, and worry about them second. It seems like your former husband hasn't bailed, but is using his time wisely to get a good lawyer and ensure you get screwed over.
You're wasting time talking to anyone other than your divorce lawyer, at this point.
both your kids, both should be there to talk with kids
I agree!
What matters here is the well-being of the kids and not either your or his happiness. The kids are having their world turned upside down. They’re going to blame themselves. So you adults who are inflicting this on them need to put their needs first and figure out how to get them through your choices.
Yes, exactly. That's already implied.
There isn't anything fair in a divorce no matter who initiated you both should scrape together what ever respect you have for each other for the kids stand together kids hear from you both. they didn't initiate the divorce either
You can bring a horse to water...
Ya I understand sorry things didn't work out I get what he's trying to do there's plenty of time for that BS down the road
You should both explain to your children that the reason you are getting divorced is that both of you had sex without thinking about whether not you were mentally compatible, and that when its time for them to have relationships, to think really hard about whether or not it's the right person (ie whether or not they have the same personality - because if they don't, they will end up divorced with kids too, and then all the nice, single people their age aren't going to want to date or marry them, because no one wants to deal with another person's ex, and good parents don't abandon their kids after divorce, or try to raise them as single parents unless one of them is physically or mentally abusive).
Gtfo. with that bs.
I mean ideally it would be done together but YOU'RE DIVORCING HIM and then you're upset he is acting emotional from it. Smh. Are you dumb or something? You make the mess you clean it up. Seems logical especially since he doesn't owe you help or cooperation as an ex. The kids will live, its not that important.
Are you dumb or something?
Are you? This is one of the most obvious things asked on GAG ever.
Well obviously not since the vote is kind of balanced. Don't see the need to be so insulting.
I know that it should be two parents I wanted to see people opinions and it is evident that it is polarizing.
If it were the other way around I would absolutely still sit there and swallow my pride but I guess men who are so hard done by women by far and large don't know how to do that as is very evident from the gender breakdown in the poll.
Thanks for answering.
I mean i could but why would i? It seems pointless. They are going to grow up in a broken home, i dont see how an initial conversation is going to matter. If he dont want to do it, whats the reason why he should?
I can only agree, you end it, so you are the cause of him leaving so you should explain why their dad is leaving. He do not need to support your decision or help you explain it to the kids. He can do his part when he is responsible for the kids next.
He is the cause of him leaving. But anyway.
That is a opinion, and if you would have accepted whatever he is doing wrong. There wouldn't be a divorce. So you are making a call that you don't accept it and is breaking up. You can use this when you explain for the kids why he is leaving. But it doesn't change the fact that it's you that decide that you are rather apart then deal with whatever he is doing wrong. I am not saying your making the wrong call, you should still see your responsibility for that action.
@coulis
Seriously? You were in a seemingly toxic relationship and you expect the husband to actually be responsible? Are you for real?
Any woman in that situation would say - THANK GOD & FUCK OFF.
That is the ONLY suitable response to a legitimately toxic relationship that has supposedly being going on for years. Not oh hubby dearest can you help me explain to the kids why we're getting divorced? Explain WHAT? In his mind he's done little to nothing wrong. YOU are the person in the wrong. And he WILL blame you for asking for a divorce because, again, to him he has done little to nothing wrong.
TRY USING YOUR HEAD. Instead of crying poor little me.
🥱🥱🥱🥱
Wow talk about being emotionally abusive. He still trying to hurt you by making you tell the kids.
Honestly so used to it.
You should always try to work together in a relationship. Even if you’re ending it.
We still have a relationship. Parents. We have to work together.
It’s your choice to get the divorce. It’s probably been VERY emotionally distressing for him and he’s clearly not in the right frame of mind. He feels anger, resentment, hurt, betrayal, disappointment, depression and more. Instead of sympathising with the man you once married and had kids with you begin to trash talk him for not explaining to your children (the worst news they’ll ever hear in their lives) why YOU wanted a divorce. How about stop making a big deal out of everything? Makes me wonder if you were making a big deal out of the so called “abuse” too and it wasn’t as bad as you’re trying to frame him. Navigating through this situation is hard enough as it is. He is going to try and make the most of the time he has with his kids moving forward. The bible clearly looks down on divorce for a reason. Not even being religious here though.
I hope your husband finds a more compassionate, understanding, loyal, and supportive woman to whom he doesn’t regret having kids with or getting married to. I hope she becomes a better mother to your children than you could ever be.
Little girl.. post the this nonsense with your username next time.
Let someone smash your ankle apart with a metal coffee cup and come put abuse in quotes.
My soon to be ex doesn't get distressed. He's always cool as a cucumber. Everything's is calculated always.
Yes, he will find another idiot who doesn't know what a covert narcissist can do and he will suck the compassion and loyalty out of her until she doesn't even know who she is anymore.
Maybe I should hook him up with you!
You think you can make. me doubt the quality of a mother I am. The arrogance.
Hahahahaha.
He isn’t here to defend himself. All we hear is your side of the story and even now you continue being a bitter bitch trashing the FATHER OF YOUR CHILDREN to random strangers on the internet. Says a lot about your character. This is why I don’t side with you. You refer to him as something other than a human being and have no compassion. You act like he doesn’t have normal human emotions. You seem like the calculated person. Have some compassion.
I posted a question asking specifically if it were fair abiut the announcement.
You with your not-knowing-anything-ass came here accsuing me of disloyal, not compassionate and easily out doable as a mother.
Seriously take several seats ANONYMOUS poster.
It says a lot about a person's character when they can't face the music.
You’re the bitter single mother divorced at 36. No classy man would want to deal with your baggage. Your replies to mine and other users posts show me you have anger issues and trash talk even your family (although you clearly have no value for family anyways so why do I bother). Sorry I have respect for men especially the ones I’m with. I hope you get nothing in your divorce settlement.
Bashing me for being anonymous like smfh. It’s GAG not Facebook, you ain’t gonna find any personal info on me anon or not. Weirdo. 🤦🏼‍♀️
I don't. Just replying to your ignorant judgmental post the way it should be.
Nah keep telling yourself whatever makes you feel better. You are exploiting the father of your children to strangers. You are trash. Clearly don’t give a shit though.
Why would I want to find personal info on you? I don't even care about you. I could have posted this on anon but I didn't.
Same to you honey. Keep assuming stuff about me to make yourself feel better. Keep telling yourself what a used up old bitter divorced hag I am. I know how bad you want it too be true. 🦄🦄🦄
But it is true. You are a 36 year old divorcee with children. That is baggage. Fact.
If you don’t look like a supermodel (I highly doubt you do, 4 years to 40) and have a well paid job, and huge home where your children can disappear should you find a new partner my prayers to YOU.
Whatever you need to tell yourself to feel superior go ahead sweetie. I know what I've got and I ain't worried about a thang.
Ok you middle aged woman. We know that ain’t true. You aren’t even capable of giving a man kids again. You won’t ever find a high class man with your baggage and kids. That is not me being negative, it’s just the way life works.
I’m done going back and fourth. I genuinely feel sorry for your kids. And your poor husband for the ridiculous standards you set for him and the lack of understanding you have. I wish them the best and hope you do them no more further disappointment and damage. Work on your mental issues. Good night. Not wasting any more time so don’t bother replying.
Are you still spewing sweet pea? 🍿🍿🍿
Such a train-wreck. Instead of arguing on GAG go look after your kids you poor excuse of a mother. I’m 19 and you’re 36. Why do I even have to explain this shit to you. Unlike you, I have more productive things to do so no further engagement sorry. I don’t sit my lazy ass all day like you. BYE.
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