Husband says I have to announce our divorce to kids alone because I asked for it. Fair?

[Coulis]

My husband has agreed to a divorce. I asked for it because he was emotionally, mentally and at times physically abusive. Things have been deteriorating and I decided I should get out early before things get really bad.

Previously, he agreed that even though I asked for the divorce, we would announce it together and explain to the kids we will continue to love and care for them but just in separate places since none of this is their fault.

Today he said he wants to just pack his bags and leave and it's on me to explain it.

I have messaged with people on G@G who have told me how damaging it was when their dads just dipset instead of facing them when they were leaving.

So am I being unreasonable to ask that we do this as a family unit or is he right and that since I want the divorce I should shoulder the full burden in announcing it?

You asked for the divorce so you announce it to the kids.

Regardless of who is initiating both parents should announce the divorce together.

Updates

+1 y

For the person (and all subsequent people) who voted I should explain it since I asked for it, please leave your opinion. I GENUINELY would like to hear your point of view.

Updates

+1 y

Yes, I think it's best I do do it because the last part is exactly the way he wants to frame it. He wants to tell kids who have 20 years between them "Mommy doesn't want me". He said so. He isn't thinking if them at all.

Updates

+1 y

I announced it to my kids. Found out ex talked to only my daughter (his golden child) about it afterwards. Happy to be free. Thanks to all answerers.

Updates

+1 y

Thanks for your invaluable suport during the darker periods.

[AmandaYVR]

I'm not even scrolling down.
No. No, no, no, no. Your husband is wrong.
He's obviously too angry (and possibly hurt) right now to think that he has any responsibilities here, but he does. He's being a coward. This is not only about the two of you. It is about your children. And what is best for them is that you two are still some kind of unit, some source of information and wisdom for them.
He sounds like an asshole, frankly. I support you in getting out. Being abused is one of the very legit reasons to leave a person and marriage. You should be able to do this without guilt. In fact, staying in this relationship may warrant more guilt. The children will be devastated, yes, but they will eventually adapt to the new paradigm. There are just as many grown adults who reflect on their tumultuous childhood and wish their parents had split up.
Stay the course. You are in the right here.
You perhaps cannot drag him into the room and force him to discuss this simultaneously with your children. But you should try. He owes you all this much.

[Coulis]

Nuff said Amanda. I still feel I should be shielding him and not letting the kids see the real side. It's not my bag anymore.

[AmandaYVR]

I'm not a parent so take this advice with a grain of salt.
But I imagine it would depend on how old your children are (you don't need to say, that's your private business.)
I am a believer in truth. But also, the older I get the more I believe that life is messy af and even morality sometimes enters the world of grey.
My instinct is that it's not your job ot shield your children from who their father is. But I could be wrong on that.
I'd think about it this way - if he's going to be uncooperative, and even potentially destructive, to the relationship you will have with your kids - by condemning and criticizing you and your behaviour, character, etc., then you "shielding" your kids may enable them to twist things in their mind, about what has really occurred. It wouldn't be their fault for doing so, it would be human nature. If they are young, they won't yet be able to understand it all, and kids do fill in blanks, and make up stories, and explanations, for why things occurred. I think you could be risking that, if you allow your husband to paint a certain narrative, and you don't combat it somewhat in kind.
I can speak from experience, that anger is not good. But anger can be more productive, and spur action, and enable protection, much more so than contempt and depression. Some say depression is anger turned inwards. Watch for that. You need to help guide them to see, and to understand, life in all its complexity. We simplify things for children, but if you simplify too much, and even worse, lie, it can have a lasting effect on how they will see their family, and the world.
For instance, something like, "Daddy has some anger issues he needs to work on. And we have decided it's best for all of us if he works on them separately." He's not going to go to counselling, I presume, but this would be better than Mommy wants a divorce. Daddy disagrees, but Daddy hasn't been able to convince her to stay. That is a hornet's nest, right there.

[Screenwriter]

Amanda, this isn't about hurt, it's about anger. He wants to be the good guy in this divorce. Kids who are old enough know who's who. I never thought my son realized how unfair his dad was to deny me $20 extra a month for his teen-age son. He said he was in the room when his dad said, "I'll see you in court." What a cheapskate. I'll never forget it.
Something's seriously wrong with this man and you're well off to get him out of your life. Your children will understand in the years to come. There is NO NEED TO SHIELD HIM from anything.
There is a need to shield your children if they're under 18.
Don't talk badly about him. Explain what you feel comfortable talking to your children about.
That's all there is.

[Anonymous]

Your husband has reneged on his prior agreement to announce the divorce together with you, and I’m sure you’re not surprised; he wants to play the blameless victim—as if you are 100% responsible for the divorce.

I would just proceed with what you had intended—except without him: tell the kids that you & their father will continue to love and care for them, and that you guys splitting up is in no way their fault and is due to growing apart & irreconcilable differences...

... And leave it at that: don’t try to justify to them why you needed to split because of what he did or how he is; doing that would put them in a bad position, and they aren’t able to see your relationship decline/failure fully as you do because of their age and “position” as children, rather than as an unrelated adults would.

Don’t worry about what others think about what is “reasonable” or “fair,” all that matters is that you proceed to do what you can to isolate your children from additional turmoil that would surely ensue from trying to get them “to be on your side” regarding this divorce, and discussing what went wrong with them.

Your husband may try to do this with them, but deal with that if and when it occurs.

[Coulis]

After seeing responses and thinking about it, I might as well just let him expose himself.

Yes, he does want to and he is hoping for delayed revenge that all my kids will hate me, my oldest one in particular l, and I will be unable to fend for myself and will come crawling back so he can smugly smile in my face and reject me.

I am surprised because I am only recently seeing him for who he truly is and I am still in disbelief about it. But I shouldn't be.

Thanks SO much 💙💙💙

[Opinion Owner]

You’re welcome. Don’t react because of what he does or might do... He has no power over you now—since you are wise to the games he plays and control he seeks to protect and elevate his ego.

Keep your focus on the kids and what’s best fir them, and continue to be strong!

[Coulis]

💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾

[GirlyGal20]

I just want to add, that usually parents out themselves. What I mean is that as they grow up you don't have to tell them their father is a bad person, he will reveal himself as one.

[Coulis]

@GirlyGal20 case and point my Dad.

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks for the MHO

[Mofunfour20]

Your kids will resent you no matter what, you chose not to work it out for your own selfish reasons. Statistically theyre better off in a two parent household. They won't understand unless they grow up to be just as selfish as you are

[Xyglo27]

You should announce the divorce.
Why?
Because you made the decision to end your marriage & get a divorce. If you are making a decision be ready to take responsibility for your actions.

I personally see divorce as suicide. Just because things get hard doesn't mean you should end it.

You are saying that your husband is being emotionally, mentally & physically abusive... What did you do that made him act/behave in this way?
Your husband must've sacrificed a lot as he decided to marry you & you just ditch him?

What are the mistakes you made in this marriage?

Because generally speaking both partners make mistakes but women often hide their side of the story & put the entire blame on the man.

Take an honest look at the relationship. Take an honest look at yourself. Take an honest look at your husband.

If your marriage truly is doomed then go ahead with this divorce but if there is a light at the end of the tunnel that save this marriage & please take it. Take it for yourself, for your husband, for your kids.

I hope you make the right decision! 🙏🏽

[Coulis]

@amandayver @lovestolearn @chrismaster69 @PaynefulPleasures Xyglo wants to know what I did to make my husband abuse me.

I waited on him hand and foot for 11 years and bore three children who I take care of from dawn to dusk and through the night at times.

I guess I was too ice and deserved to be treated like a weak idiot.

This is the WORST most victim-blaming response. Never speak to someone who has been abused in your life ever again. You need to get informed.

[Coulis]

@AmandaYVR @loves2learn

[PaynefulPleasures]

You didn't make him abuse you
He became a want more & when he ran out of his manipulative ways he knew it was time to find a new supply that's how a narcissist, psychopath, sociopaths work
Once the cat gets tired of the mouse devours their inner being weakens them they move on
It's sick & twisted but so true
Never ever blame yourself for someone who abuses you

[loves2learn]

Um @Xyglo27 quick question: what the fuck? She did not deserve any of the abuse he threw her way. She bent over backwards to make the marriage work HE was the one who was not willing to budge an inch. Don’t judge things you know nothing about.

[Xyglo27]

@Coulis
I'm Sorry for being harsh & for assuming things.

I'm still going to stick with what I said that you should be the one who tells the kids about the divorce, it is your decision to end the marriage.

Maybe your husband was an Asshole who did harm you in these ways but remember sometimes people change. Take an honest evaluation of him & see whether he has changed & wants to be a good man or is he just faking it & giving you some fake nonsense.

Trust your gut feeling & make the right decision!

[Coulis]

@Xyglo27 I can see from your post that you mean well but people have very outmoded and harmful ways of dealing with abuse victims because they want to give the abuser the benefit of the doubt.

I think humans hate to believe that we can and are indeed awful to one another.

I may have asked for the divorce but sometimes people who want it are too cowardly to even do that so they mistreat the other person to a breaking point to come out smelling loke roses and the other person looks like 💩.

I've never been a coward and I'm not about to start being one.

https://youtu.be/VX48i_Z21dA

[Coulis]

@Xyglo27 check out the link.

[Xyglo27]

@Coulis
I saw the video.
Sorry for being rude! 🙏🏽
I'll make sure to be aware of not doing this again.

[Coulis]

@Xyglo27 we are all learning. Thank you for joining this discussion. I value that you took the time to write your thoughts. Always welcome 😄

[PaynefulPleasures]

It was very cowardly of what & how he's handling it
Both of you need to sit down and talk to your children to leave you to tell the news just shows what type of a man he really is
I'm sorry you're going through this my first marriage was similar

[Coulis]

Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

How tiring it must be to wear the mask he wears. Thanks for your support. 🌹

[PaynefulPleasures]

Hey he's showing his true colors this marriage didn't mean a flip to him if can't even finish what you both started he probably has a new supply that's why he's rejecting this shit on you 🤬😠

[Coulis]

Yep. He's a narcissist!
Oh he flat out said well I'll be getting remarried ASAP. I only care because if and when he finds a woman/supply, I don't want her to be as bad as him and damaging my kids.

[Coulis]

Or unsuspecting and being gaslighted into abusive behaviour patterns. I will parallel and cu ter parent and let what happens over there stay over there.

[PaynefulPleasures]

I've been with covert narcissist try to get supervised visits

[AmandaYVR]

Your comment was great and very fair.
I'm disgusted with all the male downvotes on this topic.

[OlderAndWiser]

You can want whatever you want but that doesn't mean it's going to happen. If he refuses to participate in explaining to the children, then you have no choice but to do it by yourself. If he wanted to be a good father, he wouldn't use this as an opportunity to punish you.

[coachTanthony]

I would of said fine by me and told the kids by myself. You can't have an abusive person in your life then expect them to do the right thing when you deem it appropriate. He is either a dirt bag abuser or he isn't. Nothing about the situation has been fair up to this point but somehow now you expect him to be? Huge disconnect here.

[Coulis]

He said he would. Henpicked the date. What is the disconnect? Women can never win.

[coachTanthony]

"he was emotionally, mentally and at times physically abusive."

Probably should of just left that part out and asked the question. Normally I would of said it's not fair... he may not like it but it's good for the children if both parents explain but you were abused so that is the disconnect why you would even care if he is there? Tell the kids and get TF out of this situation.

[Coulis]

That's what I'm doing. Leaving due to abuse. I don't get why you feel the need to bust my balls. But go ahead.

[coachTanthony]

Just answering your question. No ball busting here at all. Sorry you down voted me. Just giving you my perspective.

[Coulis]

Yeah I did downvote because it isn't so cut and dry. People can have good qualities and be abusive. But acceoting abuse for good qualities is not ok.

People are very far behind in understanding that abuse in relationships isn't a bunary issue and then they share these very non compassionate perspectives.

People say to abused women why didn't you get out sooner. I'm getting out sooner and people attack and victim blame anyway.

I've seen women who get beaten senseless go back time and time again and I wouldn't ever try to lowest common denominator her situation.

[coachTanthony]

I agree completely... this is why you don't mention it if you can't explain it. That is all I am saying. All we can do is assume the worse so I gave my answer on that. Tip for asking questions on GAG... just ask the question... when you add other things that aren't "BINARY" this is when people simply will come up with their thoughts on what happened. Hope it works out for you. Kids should always be the priority.

[Coulis]

Thanks, Coach.

[AmandaYVR]

@coulis I agree with everything you said and you said it beautifully.
Sometimes I just want to throw my hands up with men. You're right, they are far too binary. Their impatience causes them to force conclusions that are not well thought-out. Women are far, far, better at understanding emotional complexity.
And you're right elsewhere on this topic - I typically stay away from these hot button phrases like victim-blaming, but it was all over this thread. I'm quite disgusted with a lot of the male response on this critical societal issue.

[Coulis]

@AmandaYVR Thanks for this. And thecworst most visceral of it is coming from pink accounts!

[coachTanthony]

@coulis I agree with @AmandaYVR. You need to be careful when asking these questions on a site like GAG. GAG is no more then a tabloid. You won't get very far with most people on here and should not take advice or expect people to understand your plight.

[Coulis]

@CoacahTanthony I don't think @AmandaYVR was saying that I need to be careful.

I asked a question and gave what I deemed to be relevant background info. I think responders should be careful with their reckless assumptions and projections.

[coachTanthony]

@coulis It's GAG. It's a tabloid. It's not a great place to air your laundry and expect good results. Just saying. Again Good luck to you.

[DJB72]

OK, I ticked you should do it alone, but for one strong reason: he's telling you to do it to call your bluff. He's said that you have to do it alone because it's another form of manipulative abuse.

Tell your children you told him to leave because he's been abusive both physically and emotionally. If he's hit you for "resisting" him (that's how he'll see it) it's just a matter of time before they receive that side of him as well.

The best thing you can do is to change the locks.

[Coulis]

Yes, he is. It's manipulation and cowardice. They will eventually get that side.

I can't cut them off from their Dad. I kind of wish he cuts himself off because he isn't well.

I will just have to e the best parent I can be. My kids do not take well to being mistreated so they will react accordingly.

[DJB72]

I'm not saying you should try to cut him off from your kids, but you have a certain responsibility to them as well.

How old are they? If they're tweens or older then you need to let them know exactly why you're divorcing him. Just love them. They'll cope.

[Screenwriter]

You've framed this the wrong way. Of course it's not FAIR. He is not a fair person. You've said he's abusive and he's continuing to be so by trying to make this look like it's your fault. This is what abusers do.

Do your best to explain to the children in age-appropriate ways what is going on. Don't rely on him to do anything but pay his share of child support. And being that he IS abusive, be prepared for battles over THAT too. Rely on YOURSELF and yourself alone.

If you're UP to it and can get legal aid, sue him for child support when he stops giving it. This is another form of abuse. To hurt you by hurting your children.

Do your best to give your children whatever you can to compensate for their father.

That's all you can do. Good luck.

[Coulis]

I guess. Some have gone off assmong that I don't have the attitude ypu described here.

I left BECAUSE I am ready to do it alone for the greater benefit.

Support isn't and has never been an issue. But money isn't everything.

Thanks for answering 🙂

[ohshee]

Here's the deal that's not unreasonable at least you can tell your kids the truth so they understand the truth he will get his time, to have his say in the matter to your children if he lies it would be the worst thing in the world that is done to his children you can't really sugarcoat this and you don't want to you want to be straight-up honest with not one lie with not one put down towards your husband you need to tell your kids how you feel they're still a part of you that loves him I'm sure and you need to tell your kids that but do not say one bad thing about him otherwise it'll backfire in your face somewhere down the road same with him

[Coulis]

My Dad was barely around. My mother never once said a bad word about him. When I got older I learned the truth about who he is.

As an adult, I could accept him, draw my boundaries and enjoy a relationship with him keeping in mind the real character.

At times, his narcissist behavior still stings but it wpuld have been way worse if my mom poisoned my mind against him.

I say that to say nothing of the sort will be happening at all.

[midnightmoon05]

How old are the kids?
How will the custody arrangements work out after the divorce?

share or you have them full.

I can answer better know this information.

I am a single mom and sharing kids with ex husband.

always put kids first.

[midnightmoon05]

@ Jamie05rhs
Thank you for the upvote, took me back to this question. I read some other opinions...
I am always so curious why marriage ended up the way @Coulis shared it.
How did it happened? Was he like that when you first meet him? How did you two ended up married and produced kids with such terrible person?

[Coulis]

Look up covert narcissm and you will understand.

[midnightmoon05]

I read about it.
I am confused... I am generally more interested in 2 (adult) versions to be fair to the kids.

I asked some questions and wondering about the kids.
I also asked how you two ended up being married... and having kids.

[Coulis]

I don't really feel like getting into all that on here. The reason I mentioned the covert narcissism is that too this was a person who I believe to just be very nice and compassionate with a few quirks and over the years the mask came off and did this is a very common thing that happens when you're dealing with people who have this type of Personality problem.

[midnightmoon05]

Since this is about the kids and I always put kids first. It's more important to hear from both sides.
I always question when one calls the other names.

It would still be easier to know about the future of the childrens' arrangement. That affects them in ways adults don't see.
How old are the kids?
What will the arrangements be like after the divorce?

[Lynx122]

He should stay but honestly it's not that big of a deal. The most damaging thing is not the divorce but what happens before that (that's how it was for me anyway). If the divorce comes out of nowhere then it would be different but if the relationship was already problematic then the kids have lived through it and they're not gonna be surprised. In an ideal world he would stay and explain it (my dad did) but I think you should just be happy that he's gone and try and make the best of it.

[Coulis]

I respectyou point of view. You can say it isn't a big deal because your dad did the manly thing. Speaking to people whose fathers didn't, they were badly affected. I'll make the best of it. Thanks 🙏🏾

[Lynx122]

I guess you're right. I can't really judge it.

[Coulis]

Guru and diplomat 😉😄

[This_is_my_username]

Your ex husband is being petty. Divorce is devastating to kids because it comes with a lot of uncertainty and the unknown which can be scary. However, it's comforting to have both parents their because it creates an illusion of an unbreakable parenting bond, it's also emphasizes that regardless of how hard the situation is mum and dad will always be here together.. maybe not the way they want it to be but in a way that creates an environment that's healthy and happy.

[Coulis]

I couldn't have said it better myself. This isn't a last week type of thing.

We've been hammering this out since February.

This is about showing that we will always be parents.

[This_is_my_username]

There**

[This_is_my_username]

Exactly! I'm sorry to hear that you've been going through this for so long. He's been petty and vindictive. He thinks if you explain, then he'll be the "good guy" In the eyes of the kids because he's the victim of your decision.. that's so sickening. He's a father, he should put aside his animosity for a second and a half and explain it with you. This way the kids will understand the best way they can without feeling guilty.. or without being torn about who's side they should be on. I'm glad you're getting out of this situation.

[Coulis]

Thanks for answering on my post. You brought it.

[This_is_my_username]

No worries. I hope this resolves quickly for your sake and the kids sake

[LZPanzer]

It should be something that you do together. However, he is under no obligation to do as you ask. The only people he has an obligation to is the kids, if he doesn't want to discuss this with them he doesn't have to. He may not be ready to face that yet.

[Coulis]

I respect you sharing your opinion but wanting to pack bags while he knows his kids will see it and leave me to explain is a ploy to have them hate me. He is a narcissist and has been picking and choosing who he wants to pay attention to the kids so he can secure his ally in the future. There isn't a word, look or action that is done without the intent to manipulate and engineer an outcome. At the end of the day, I need to give my kids more credit for how perceptive they are.

[LZPanzer]

That is entirely likely. I was only pointing out that he may have been in some kind of denial. You know the situation best.

[Coulis]

Thanks. He isn't. He likely will do it but just wants to make sure I worry about it to stress me out. It's always been that way.

[lolman95]

I voted B but Regardless of who asked for it, you'll have to announce it. It's rough but the important thing is that the children have the right understanding, which would be difficult when you have a emotionally, mentally and at times physically abusive person by your side during such a difficult conversation. Life is not fair, make the best of it regardless.

[Coulis]

Life is just making the best of things one disaster after the other.

[lolman95]

Wish you and your kids a better, prosperous life and your (ex) husband becomes a better version of himself :)

[Coulis]

Believe it or not I'm. rooting for him. In our endless discussions before this point, we identified the cause of his harmful behaviour patterns.

I can't stay and continue to endure what's going o but I hope he can at least know what he has to work on. It's become like breathing to him. I'm praying.

Thanks for your kind words.

[HugoThe2nd]

Getting back at a spouse by using one's relationship with their children as collateral damage.
That's one real class act.

This isn't really a matter of fairness, you shouldn't even be asking that question.
It's just more of his abusive and narcissistic behavior.
There is no scenario in which prioritizing personal vengeance this way would be acceptable.

Moreover, from your description of events I'm getting the impression that this stunt of his isn't even motivated by hurt or momentary disturbance in his emotional state.
The whole painting you as the villain in front of your children spin just seems purposefully callous to me.

[Mofunfour20]

Stop trying to make him do something he isn't motivated to do. Thats probably why you're divorcing him anyway, his ineptitude to protect you physically. I can't speak on the emotional abuse and mental abuse because you never divulged what he did. A man never should have to hit a woman for obvious reasons so since he did that i doubt he'd have the confidence to tell the kids he did it. It implies mental weakness to admit you hit a woman you were already stronger than. I too would be embarrassed

[Coulis]

Yes, after sleeping in the question I feel this way. That's what I will do.

No, I've never felt lkke Ive3had a protector but the divorce reasons are myriad and complex.

Thanks for weighing in appreciate it🙏🏾

[TacosRAwesome]

If you're the only one telling the kids then you will be the only one getting your narrative across. The kids probably know he's an asshole so you explaining why you're divorcing him won't help his case. Basically just be honest with the kids and you will probably be fine.

[Coulis]

Tacos are totally awesome.

No narrative just the truth. I won't get into his issues but they will see him and ask themselves why isn't he saying anything to us?

Reminding me. of my dad, tbh.

[loveslongnails]

Without QUESTION, it should be both of you. The kids don't have to know all the reasons, but they DO have to know they are not PART of the reasons, and that your love for them, and caring for them, won't change. That's the ONLY thing that matters here, not anyone's fucking ego.

[Coulis]

It's only about them.

[loveslongnails]

Yes, I believe that's what I said! :)

[ChrisMaster69]

Have been here and we both did it.

even did a video just in case one of died lol

revisited a few years later and both explained reasoning, which was really silly when we talked about it again lol.

anyhow yes he’s being a dickwad

[Coulis]

LOL.

Yes I guess revisiting it is more about the guilt divorcing parents hold onto even when they did their best.

Answered in true Chrismaster fashion 🤦🏾‍♀️

[ChrisMaster69]

@coulis it was mainly due to age of daughter when we divorced, she deserved to hear the facts when she was old enough to understand them.

Lol no yeah I rock with my style 😂😂

[Coulis]

Ah ok. I get you. Oh for sure. She will go on tonhave relationships and should be armed with that understanding.

[Jamie05rhs]

Just take his deal. I know it's not what you wanted, but it's probably the best case scenario out of all options, considering the circumstances.

At least if you tell them yourself, they won't have to see Mommy and Daddy arguing in front of them (because -- be honest -- that is a very real possibility.)

[Coulis]

They have. He triangulates. When we can have a private argument he prefers to have it in front of the kids. It's what narcissists do.

[Jamie05rhs]

Hmm. Then you see what I mean, I guess.

[Chriscunning]

Sometimes one needs to put your emotions aside, esp for the kids, step up to the plate and play ball like a big boy. Regardless of who asked for a divorce, it takes 2 in a relationship and 2 to break it. Unless he truly tried and did everything, but i highly doubt that is the case.

His emotion and upset, probably a bit of a tantrum his throwing to spite you (and the kids). The emotional maturity would have been sitting and chatting to the kids with you.

[Redred56]

Sorry I’m so late on such an important issue!
first off, both of your children come first and they must feel love and not abandonment.
I know it’s not anyone’s intentions but it can happen. 2. It’s not their fault~PERIOD
3. I can’t comment on the divorce because it’s personal and it takes 2 to fall in and out
of love/marriage. 4. We can talk without listening, Love without caring~~
Have a family without being a part
PS Make sure you get child support for those little ones, very important!

[Bklynbadboy12]

Listen if he was abusive to you then its better to end it. I'm not shocked he's leaving you holding the bag cause he's a fuckin coward only a coward would treat his wife like that. So tell you kids explain to them what's going on. How old are your kids

[Coulis]

Yeah, I've never felt truly protected by him. 9, 5, 2. My daughter is really sharp. She knows whats up so I will see how she takes it. He was trying to really apoil3her and stuff by buying her thi gs but was still be really emotionally abusive and physically threatening. When she was being a bit distant he suddenly said it was too much effort to pick up the 3D pen he promised her and had her all excited for.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Just sit them down and to them reassure them that you love them

[Coulis]

Oh that's what I love to do. My little homies.

[Bklynbadboy12]

In box me

[Interstate]

The Parents should support the weight of whatever affects the Kids. Since the actions of the two of you will affect your children, the two of you are responsible for the consequences of your actions. Just because one or the other is no longer living there, that doesn't lessen their responsibility with the Children. They are expected to be just as much the Parent from afar as if they are still under the same roof.