How do I address the guy I cheated WITH, or should I even bother?

[Anonymous]

Paraphasing.. * not excusing my actions, they were wrong and no way justifiable. I'm I'm engaged and after accepting proposal I found out my fiance isn't who he posed himself to me as. After finding thing that's questioned his faithfulness things haven't been the same. (Buying nudes, sexting, sexting BFF offering to pay her way to see him, random girls numbers from bars) we've tried for 1.5yr to work through it 4 our kid sake but I get nothing in return. Found he got risqué photos from one of the before girls AFTER "straightening up" and 45+min late night calls with female coworker when away on work. His natural respond is to always lie to me first, like I don't already know. So being a SAHM w a fiance that can't even care to converse with me when a guy on snap him me up, I ran with it. (Even told my fiance, didn't change a thing)

He's younger, handsome funny af but mostly made me feel seen and heard. Conversation were just friendly chat and dumb shit, then a little flirting, then some nudes. It's been 10 months. We met for the first time 4 months ago. I was drink and invited him to hang. We chilled and went separate ways. Chat continued. Couple months later, we met again, both got super drunk and had sex. Terrible sex for us both. We agreed to try again at my request a week later. It was alright, little bland. Left, chat contines.. but is different. also the night he found out I'd be leaving to go w fiance for his job again.
Note 1st time (know we were drunk) he says he just wants me to love him and could make it work or st along those lines. Told him he doesn't want that.
Anyway, chat declines after 2nd time and I leave. I mentioned it and he states he's been real busy🙄 month later invites me to hang w him and friends, he's drunk, I get supa drunk.. he gets us hotel. We sex, I mention It's weird everytime, I get sick, sleep in bath, wake up, sex, leave he drops me off and thats it. Chat declines more. Fk just say what it is u gotta say and let me be or be normal.

Updates

+1 y

The sex was a terrible idea. I don't want to have a side piece. I miss our conversations. I dk, I don't get that from many people and I miss how it made me feel and this has me all put of sorts bc what do I do. Block him and sort myself out later with time. Do I say something. What do you say in this stupid situation🙄🙄 I mean he owes me nothing, but it's driving me nuts that he's being this way. I'd just like to know why. Or at least wish he'd just leave me ALL the way alone if this all I get

[boggboss]

What do u mean u keep having sex with him even tho u don't enjoy it then getting upset that he is not giving u the attention u should be getting from your partner?

[boggboss]

He interacts when he wants sex yes he owns u nothing u cave to him because what u crave from him u should be getting from your partner essentially any guy that shows u this attention u will be willing to fuck thats a bad situation

[Asker]

Pretty much🤣 hearing it that way sure puts a perspective on it
But it's the actual bullshitting and chatting like you would with any one of you legit friends I want.. but I lack in that department too.

I couldn't careless about some dude telling me I look pretty, that's not what got me in this situation.

[Asker]

Naw, like it's not like that. Lol I know what that looks like, this isn't it. We chatted daily for months and even after we met the first time he wasn't trying to have sex, probably wouldn't have had we not got so drunk the next time we were together. But I figured I would give it another shot at the sex bc I wanted to judge for myself while sober ish. That was my idea, not his.

[boggboss]

I never said its about complaints its attention that u clearly crave u lack friends and from what I see conversations with your partner so u look for it elsewhere just with this guy it comes attached to cheating I understand that your husband dont respect u and cheats but this situation is shit all u 2 will do is show your kids a toxic relationship and they will think that's normal and look for a partner in life thats like you 2

[boggboss]

Yes he already said he wanted a relationship out of it which u denied and is still up for the sex yet he dont give u that same level of attention unless sex happens

[Asker]

Pretty weird stuff. Like neither of us care for it but do anyway bc it's there and probably wouldn't do it if alcohol weren't involved but that has yet to be the case.

Also, he's not the first mf to give me attention like that lol, I ain't out just screwing any bloke that asks me how my day is and tells me I'm pretty 🤣.

[Asker]

You're probably right about that about our kid and the toxic shit and we've been talking lately about whether to let this go or not. It's hard w him living all over the place bc he would never see his kid if we split. He was drunk so don't think it counts. And that's the thing, he doesn't give me any more or less attention regardless of sex, after 2nd sex and I told him I was moving again things started south.. My point is conversation is on a steady decline and I dk if I should say something just to know why or block him and try to get him out my head regardless of why he's fading me out.

[boggboss]

Fair enough that's how u made is seem u craved attention he gave it to you u guys had drink then had sex u was intrested enough to want sex again sober but meh u understand he owes u nothing so its upto u if u want to ask him why he is acting this way but I personally don't see the point

[Asker]

Really isn't a point other than, female minds just crazy and gotta know shit😆 na but it does have me pretty down on myself. Feels like rejection, but in a slimey way bc he can't just be out right ab it or leave me tf alone either and I dk how to process that bc I've been in a committed relationship for 4 years now (on my end anyway) and 3 years before this one and I haven't had to experience that in almost a decade. And the fact that.. like it's not a normal circumstance bc I do have a partner and feel like maybe my feelings are invalid bc it's not another man or sex or I want, just raw friendship.

[boggboss]

So look for friendship and don't let sex or other emotions mix with it and fuck it up