Why is it so hard for him to see where I’m coming from and put himself in my shoes?

[Anonymous]

Right now I’m on a break from someone that I have been with for going on two years now. I endured a lot of physical and verbal and amoroso abuse. I’ve left many times and have always came back. I never told authorities and I still speak to him after forgiving him yet again but this time It’s only conversation. I’m trying to stay away from him physically because I know I need to heal and get better and you can’t heal around the same person that hurt you. It makes it harder and tempts you way too much especially considering I still love him. This can be his time to get the help he needs too but he just keeps trying to make me feel bad for staying away. Or keep trying and trying to do and say anything to get me to break and to come around him despite me telling him as much as I want to be around him, create better memories for us and the relationship, the bad memories overtake me when I’m not around him so it’s worse when I am around him. He’s been saying that I don’t care about his feelings because if I did I would consider the fact that he understands I need to heal away from him but I should understand that he can’t go long without seeing me. He says it he misses me and overthinks when I’m not around him. In other words, he’s basically asking “How am suppose to feel about you choosing to stay away in order to heal?” He even said that it couldn’t be affecting me too bad because I’m still going on with my day to day life but for him to say that and to still say “I understand” makes me feel like he doesn’t really understand or want to understand like he’s saying.

[Avicenna]

It's hard in general for people to do that.

[Asker]

I get that but he’s making it harder on me because he knows I love him despite everything but I need to get better and I can’t get better being around the same person who caused me to have to heal and get better. I feel like just talking to him is me still showing my heart still yearns for him but I’m just tired of feeling this hurt and I’m ready to fix myself and if that means being away physically for awhile that’s what it has to and needs to be. I think he should take the time to get better himself while we’re apart at the moment. It seems that all he is worried about is me moving on from him, finding someone else and falling out of love rather than supporting my decision because he truly loves me like he says and understands what the wrong in his actions caused me. I’m not perfect and I have flaws but my flaws didn’t destroy him the way his flaws destroyed me and the foundation of the relationship.

[NathanDavis]

because he's selfish and manipulating

[Asker]

What’s making it harder on me is the fact he keeps saying “Since you came back and forgave me for what I did again, I haven’t did anything wrong.” But it’s like that’s only because it’s only been a week or so since I forgave him like I always do. He acts as if he doesn’t go a few days or weeks without being violent toward me and then he turns right back around and does it again. It’s like he thinks him treating me right at this moment makes up for all the times he didn’t and will automatically make me trust him again and feel fully comfortable around him again. He doesn’t get that it’s not that easy.

[Asker]

Two months ago when I left before forgiving him again, he did some damage physically and it’s messing with me emotionally and mentally. The person who says he loves me, sometimes treats me like a princess, protects me etc was the same one I needed protection from two months ago. He kicked at my face with shoes on, hit my head against the floor, punched on me, choked me to the point where he almost killed me and has done things similar and even worse in the past. The incident I just described happened in October. It’s only December. That wasn’t long ago. Plus I still have a year worth of abuse I endured from him that I never speak on, I have never went to a therapist, nothing. I’ve been fighting this battle on my own. I have my mom, dad, sister and friends but I hold back from opening up because it’s hard to speak on something so painful and embarrassing on my end and that’s why I’m trying to take this time to get better but he won’t let me because he doesn’t get the magnitude of pain he caused.

[NathanDavis]

but let me guess... you love him right?

[Asker]

Unfortunately so. Maybe It’s some sort of trauma bonding but outside of those horrible things I have never connected with another guy like I have with him. I never felt the same chemistry or intimacy. it’s hard to explain to outsiders because I would be just as confused as you probably are now reading this if the tables were turned. Sometimes I don’t get why I love him so much and feel the need to always be there for him, pray for him and hope nothing happens to him despite him showing me who he really is.

[BarryLiverstone]

Wow that must feel tough, are you ok?

[Asker]

I’m trying to be okay

[BarryLiverstone]

Sorry, hugs.. you don’t have to be ok after that, it’s ok to be in your feelings

[Iron_Man]

He’s not opening up his heart