Should I reach out to an ex after a few months of no contact to wish her a happy birthday? I'm the one who called it off, but she distanced herself?

[New2this2]

I've been doing some research on whether or not I should be reaching out to my ex for her upcoming birthday later this month. Its been 2 months since we spoke last and I've done a lot of healing since. Lots of forums say not to reach out because she's the one who didn't want this relationship in the end, but the situation is a bit complex. Yes, in the final day of seeing her I was the one who ended it verbally, but the reality was that she'd been leaving me in the dark and not communicating with me for a few weeks prior. I'd asked her what she wanted out of this relationship and if she'd be willing to try to continue working on our issues but she told me she didn't know what she wanted and that the same talks kept happening... hence why I ended it. I care about this girl very much still, which is why I think I should reach out (especially after a 5 year relationship). I just don't want to make the wrong decision having never been in this situation. AKA I ended it, but her actions led me to doing something I didn't want to. Any advice?

[WonderBell99]

I would not contact her if I were you. It’s only been a few months and you were in a relationship for 5 years.. that’s a long time. It’s best to give her some space and give her time to heal.

Unless you want some sort of relationship with her (sexual/romantic/platonic), it isn’t best to reach out… because why? What are you expecting from her?

[New2this2]

I don’t necessarily want a relationship at the moment knowing that she didn’t want to solve things when they were in front of her. I was more saying it out of respiratory because I care for her still and I’m going to say it to her Mother in like 2 days as well. They were a big part of my life

[WonderBell99]

If you want to be polite and wish her a happy birthday, it isn’t wrong. There is nothing to lose.

[New2this2]

To answer your question previously. I think she may want a relationship but she’s very afraid of things working out. That’s why she steps back a lot. I needed to do the same which is why I chose to leave

[WonderBell99]

Have you tried telling her this?

Seems like there’s a lack of communication between you both. It’s best to just wish her a happy birthday and leave it at that. You need to give her some space or she may feel like you’re stifling her.

[New2this2]

Complete agree! Think space is needed for a relationship to grow or just move on in general

[Markie-mark]

Don't go over extending but it's at least a nice gesture to leave her a happy birthday otherwise, shit must've been messy and painful to go down but besides, even if she reacts harshly to you wishing her a happy birthday it will stick to her, it will tell her you care. Still a lot of healing to do though, don't rush anything, don't overdo, just wish her a happy birthday and whatever happens from her happens.