Speaking as a guy who has cheated and regrets the decision, how can I learn to change my behaviour and never repeat that mistake?

[sgraptors]

I was in a 1.5 year long relationship that ended this past year due to my poor decision making and inability to handle my vulnerability and need for validation. I ended up cheating on my girlfriend (engaging in sexual conversations with girls I met on dating apps both prior to and during the relationship, but did not physically meet these girls). I have spent the past few months doing a lot of self reflection and learning about why I behaved the way I did. I just hate how my past mistakes never seem to leave me. How can I move on from my past actions and lead a faithful honest life? I have no intentions of making those mistakes again.

[Kkstarzz96]

I also cheated simarily and this was 5 years ago. I have accepted that it's something someone inexperienced and anxious would do, which I was, inexperienced, that is, still anxious. If I did meet a new guy who wanted to be my boyfriend, I would tell him and I'd let him decide if he can accept what I've done before. If I was dating a wonderful guy and he kept that from me, I'd think he was trying to do it again or else why wouldn't he tell me that. I got hyperactive in the community of hooking up and sexting after that relationship, because I thought it's where I deserved to be. But, even if I had it that way, I still wasn't happy. So it wasn't my ex boyfriend or the fact that I was horny, I felt a betrayal of my own before I did what i did, and I thought hurting him would make us even. That's really messed up and clearly it's my decision making before and after I experience negative feelings, that is the problem. In a relationship you are going to have those and your partner may not be able to make it better, you are going to doubt your relationship, and you are going to be convinced there is better out there, someone who would listen and give you the time of day, but they only want one thing from you, and once they receive it, you are no longer of concern. Its that or you end up dating the person you cheated with, and the timing of it all was horrible. But it was that for me, basically I knew not to eat the apple and the snake told me why shouldn't I after what I've been through, go nuts, and I acted upon a moment of vulnerability. That is an internal issue, so even if your ex said I understand and I forgive you, which would be really fucking nice to hear when you feel this shitty, but it still would live in your mind that you dont deserve her, and you'd see only you can fix what you did for yourself, it doesn't matter what someone else says, you already know how you feel about it and you need to work on your behavior when it comes to short term gratification and confusing lust for love. I'm with you man. It's not happening in a matter of months, it'll take time. Be patient and be honest with yourself.

[Changiis07]

Just cherish what you have. Good women are hard to come by so if you have a good one then make her your priority always. Women in general are beautiful but of course beauty fades. It's okay to look, just don't touch, don't engage, don't sabotage the relationships you have. Learn to communicate your needs and wants so that you are not out there looking for someone to meet those needs for a few secs, minutes, hours.

[sgraptors]

Thank you for providing some insight, I completely agree that I just gotta cherish what I have. I know I'm not looking to just have meaningless sex, but I'm also struggling to find myself deeply connect with people. I feel like your comment about cherishing what I have can help me out when it comes to cherishing my time and energy as a 23 year old and making the most of my own life, without the need for a relationship or sex.

[Changiis07]

I mean not everyone is meant to get married but if it's in your heart to want to start a family then it's best you take some time to be happy with yourself and have fun. By fun I don't mean having meaningless sex either like you said. Then you can truly appreciate when someone comes into your life. Plus like I mentioned earlier if you want to be a dad what better way to show your kids coming to a loving home. No cheating, no name calling but genuine love. You are very young so there will be time to settle

[OlderAndWiser]

". . . relationship that ended this past year due to my poor decision making and inability to handle my vulnerability and need for validation." Sounds like psychobabble and people who repeat the phrases they learned in counselling are usually talking the lingo to try to convince everyone they have changed when, in fact, they have not.

[HusamRocks]

U will have to fight those feelings as long as u live to maintain and save ur next relationship
Control ur desires

[bamesjond0069]

I would say grow some balls? you're crying over messaging a girl online? Biggest cheater of all time nobody will ever want you. Smh.

[In_Trance]

I'd recommend that you don't stay in relationships that aren't fulfilling to you

[Guy13]

Just beat off more…

[Guy13]

It will all go away over time. Man-up and don’t do it again