Casual relationships and cheating?

[dannyboy77]

Hello,

I've been seeing this girl causally for 3 months. I say casual because she always insisted that we would meet frequently for 'movies and sex'. I was happy with this. Plenty of fun and no hassle. Anyway of late things changed. We started seeing more of each other and getting closer. Nothing was really said but for all intents and purposes we were a couple. It was about a week ago when I realy noticed this change. We spent most of a weekend together, I went out with her friends and it was great.

Anyway, last saturday I met her and she says she has something to tell me. She had sex with a guy from work. Initially I shrugged it off as she had done nothing wrong technically speaking. She seemed genuinely mortified and regretful over what happened. I let it go but then it began to simmer..

I met her 2 days ago and said that I was not happy with what happened. That although we were casual I still have feelings and am hurt by it. She said she had been drinking and it 'just happened'. That she regrets it totally and left immediately afterwards. That she wanted to tell me asap. I didn't have the heart to finish with her. She seemed so genuine. The result of all this is that we would now appear to be a proper couple.

Its been great. I don't want to ruin a good thing but I still have my doubts... I'm still really hurt by what she did. When we first started seeing each other it was very sexual. She had me down as a 'bad boy' so exclusivity was out of the question. I let her think this because I had been burned before and was not sure how I felt about her anyway. I realize that I can't take the high moral ground on this. However things had developed when she slept with this man. And now I can't get the image out of my head.

She's a latin girl who is staying in my city and would appear to be very impulsive. The guy she slept with is a total jerk who was pursuing her in work. The thought of them together makes my skin crawl.

I realize that I was open to this happening given the status of our relationship. But I still feel hurt. However things are now great between us.

Can I trust her?

Should I finish with her?

Or should I just swallow my pride

[chettah-two]

Man you handled it all wrong, wot you should have done, is ask her why she feels the need to tell you...

Afterall you SHOULD NOT hold it against her for sleeping with another person, because you probably were or would've, given the opportunity...

The thought of them together is frankly none of your business..

Remember most single girls have a number of guys they are f***ing, or they is some "overlap" between guys.. her telling you is a huge sign she likes you...

If you want it to "work" try maybe asking her why she had felt she had to tell you, and please, whatever you do DO NOT SHOW JEALOUSY...

However my best advice is to stop seeing this girl, you can never be a couple because YOU will never trust her... which is not her fault.

[Tonyitaliano]

Hey, one thing if this guy was really attractive. People are thrown together at work and things can develop.

But if he's a jerk, no, she'll do it with another jerk, no doubt, for whatever reason. I'd say let's just be movie friends and stop being a couple. I suspect you won't see her again!

[AQT4SHO]

If neither of you verbalized the status of your relationship, then, you have no right to be upset. If you had wanted the relationship to go to the next level, you should have said so at the time. You assumed (and so did she) that you guys were just casual, even though you two started seeing each other more, etc.

She told you and she didn't have to. It's obvious she cares about you and has feelings for you and perhaps she told you to see what your reaction would be.

The question you need to ask yourself is, can you get past her indiscretion? If you can't forgive her, then you have to let her go, because you'll end up resenting her, even though she was not at fault.