Is "Playing the Field" wrong in a relationship? ... or is it just another form of dating?

[laurieluvsit]

MY DEFINITION: Someone who sees two, or more, others in casual relationships at the same time and is unlikely to be faithful, trustworthy, or respectful in those relationships. They may seem honest and genuine, but given enough time, it is expected that they may give each person the impression that they are becoming a significant other, while in reality they will "play" with the emotions of that innocent person for the "Players" own self gratification. (SYNONYM: cheat on/burn/disappoint).

Some argue that "Playing the Field" is just a type of dating that is necessary early in life in order to experience multiple relationships at the same time with enough people in order to really be able to pick a good mate. Is this true?

What is your opinion?

A. YES, it is wrong! Dating should be only one person at a time and not polyamorous!

B. No, Playing the Field is not wrong. It is sometimes important to have relationships with many different people in order to determine who is really right for you, even if it is more than one at the same time.

C. No, Playing the Field is not wrong but it should only be done with one person at a time so you are not breaking hearts in the wake of your multiple relationships.

D. OTHER, see my comments below, or just open the "Players" survey

[ChurchOfIron]

It's necessary, in my opinion, especially for a man. It takes skill and tactics n shit to interest you ladies. Only way you gain that is with experience. The better you become with women, the more likely that you'll be able to interest a high quality woman in the future who suits you. That's how I see it. And it's been working for me well enough. Generally with respectable partings.

I've heard women who don't play the field early in life are more likely to cheat later, too, because they need to know what's out there.

Dis doe. "unlikely to be faithful, trustworthy, or respectful in those relationships". I mean, I dunno about respectful, but isn't a casual relationship by definition not faithful or trusting? You agree to see other people, so obviously loyalty wouldn't be involved.

It's fair, in my opinion, because with those casual relationships, it's not like you're labeling them that forever. If the person can interest you well enough, nothing is stopping it from becoming less casual. But that's up to the other person to show you what makes them special.

Okay, with your definition, if they are actively leading the other person on, yeah, I could agree that's not cool. No reason to do that. But it is important to improve as a person and gain more experience with relationships and such.

[laurieluvsit]

I agree with you, there is nothing wrong with casual dating if everyone is on the same page.

You make many good thoughtful points, thank you!

[ChurchOfIron]

Sure thing. ^-^

[Flamdring]

Voted A, but I think the choice of the word "polyamorous" was not a good one because it refers to the situation where all parties involved are aware and support being with multiple partners at the same time. At least from your description, I understood that the person dating multiple people at the same time keeps it secret from all of his dates.

I believe it is wrong because going by that logic your own partner may be doing the same to you at any given moment. In fact, what stops your future partner from playing the field permanently without ever telling anything to you? It happens and it is called cheating. The best way is to stay true to one person, grow and develop together. But if you really want to fool around, do it without giving false hope to the person you are dating, be straightforward about your desires.

[IfYoureGoingCrazy]

I don't think it let's you have enough focus to decide if someone is right for you because you always have a backup. You can tolerate "xyz" with someone because you're going to see ____ this weekend and they don't do "xyz".
If any of the people involved don't know you're dating other people then you're just a cheater.
I think people who do it usually have immature minds and aren't looking for a long term relationship. But hey there are lots of other people in the same boat. I but then one will develop more feelings then the other and then once again you've hit a problem with then concept.
I think in the beginning stages it's okay. But logically I don't know how sound it is. I think you might ask yourself how many people who practice that end up in happy relationships or ones that stand the test of time.

[Screenwriter]

There's nothing wrong with dating several people as long as all people are doing the same and all know. If one person is waiting around dating you only, this seems out of kilter. There is always the chance that you decide you want someone who doesn't want you in this scenario. But this could happen if you're dating one at a time, too. All formations are tricky. Being aboveboard is key.

[DizzyDesii]

If i do this then we’re not “dating”. I’d tell them im interested in another and just wanan get yo know both. When i choose one of the two then the “dating” starts and the other person goes out the window cause im not gonna do the friends with potential boyfriend stuff

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I don't know, I already have enough worries dating one woman, with two or more I'd go in tilt.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

By the way she brought me to an abandoned farmstead today and I thought she had finally decided to murder me, but she just wanted to show me the view and we held hands.

[laurieluvsit]

Oh wow, but why would you take the risk? You have masochistic tendencies with her?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I don't really know, she knows I like ruins, farmsteads and container scrapyards, and when she told me she wanted to show me a special place I was too tempted to resist.
It was indeed beautiful though.

[laurieluvsit]

Wonderful, glad it worked out and you are well :)

[Sensmind]

I kinda have a golden rule as long as nobody is abused/harmed (within certain guidelines but a good catchall is legal for the moment), aware of it and on the same page, I am okay with it in general in society.
I myself would not want to play the field or be with someone who plays the field. I personally believe that the opening sentence only happens very rarely and someone will get hurt.
I will use the "Friendzone" as an example - "I am okay being in the friendzone (can you not see the pain in my eyes) I will wait 10 years if I have to maybe then you will fall in love (still get rejected and end up whining about hating men/women forever)"

[loveslongnails]

You "define" your own understanding of the word "relationship". If you agree that it means it's open to continued dating, then fine. My guess is that for most folks, the terms are mutually exclusive. If you're still dating, you're not in a "relationship", and if you're in a relationship, you stop dating others.

[motownplayer2000]

I think it’s fine to play the field until you get into a committed relationship... that’s when that has to go. But nothing wrong with see what’s out there. I used a shoe analogy. You shoe around and see all the shoes you are attracted too.. you have to try them on. If they don’t fit right or they aren’t the style you want you move on. You will do that too 5 or 6 shoes at a time. Same with relationships

[megaman242]

When ever I'm single I date openly but not randomly. I don't always date several at the same time, but it have happened. But when it happened is when more them one have peaked my interest, and I use my time to figure out which one would be the one I continue with. The goal is to get to know them, what will be revealed, the pro and cons. I want to be exclusive, but not with the wrong one. How every I never keep it a secret if I do date more then one.

[iFarted]

If I just starting "talking" to a girl and she's "talking" to a few guys then I just go with the flow and see how things turn out.
If we've been on multiple dates then she tells me that she's playing the field then I completely back out cause I don't feel the need to compete for a girl who can't make up her mind.
I don't find it wrong though

[Adam1978]

It's okay to go on multiple early dates with different partners but you should cut all lose except the one you choose before it get to serious ie third date or so. This is to evaluate your options before committing.

[Finchie40]

As long as you are up front about it and dont mislead someone then its not wrong. I did that shit when I was younger , and it made me realize it was wrong to do

[Nik1hil]

Playing the field is right if your potential partner is aware about other potential partners and you aren't physically involved with any partner..

If you get physically involved with one and then continue it then you are asshole..
Don't do that..
That polygamy and that hurts emotionally..

However promiscuity never hurt anyone

[elite665]

I would say it’s not wrong to (talk) to multiple people it would say going out on dates with multiple people at the same time without the others knowing is wrong

[Sexyrabbit181]

Communication is key and everyone needs to know what your after open relationship is team work partners agreeing with each other who’s going home with whom. Playing the field is no relationship unless everyone is into the same thing playing the field don’t play around with others if they don’t know who else your involving. Each person that’s been played with deserves to know what it is your doing and everyone is in on the same level, don’t play with people’s emotions

[FunkyMonkee]

Dating basically IS playing the field. You don't just latch onto one person and stick with them, you date a bunch of people and narrow down the field to the one you like best THEN stick with them.

[SnowFoxy1]

So long as all parties involved know the situation, and it is in no way degrading to the human personality, multi-dating is acceptable.

[CandacePerry]

It manily wrong if a person is already in a relationship. If person single. It ok if the person knows about it.

[Badballie]

I am a flirter of note, even in front of my wife or girlfriends, BUT i never touched, I have been asked many times "are you a player" my response was no. I have never cheated on any women or girlfriend when ever I wanted,

[Shamalien]

How would you feel if you thought someone was into you and only you, then found out they were seeing someone else?

That's how you know it's wrong

[owens97]

either ur monogamous or ur not if u r in ur relationship then no dont play field

[JustGetNaked]

I believe “playing the field” is fine as long as you are open about it. Once you have committed to one person then you shouldn’t be playing the field.

[dgroove208]

As long as all involved agrees on the circumstances.

[Tomsta]

I have nothing against open relationships i think they can work provided the 2nd (or more) partner realises that they are mainly there for sex

[Badballie]

Why get married if you want both of you to screw as many as you can?

[Tomsta]

Where did i mention open marridge?

Thats a different ballgame to open relationships

[NightFlirt]

If you are in an open relationship then yes. Just don't get mad when she starts playing the field as well.

[KCJones]

Yeah that's a good point wouldn't do it one is more than enough.

[BlueSequoia]

I even can't seem to date one woman, but if I ever will, I sincerely wish she'd be monogamous like me.

[Jerre]

I play the field. Not ready yet to settle down with one person. I play the field so I can have more opportunities to meet the girl I really like.

[Badballie]

those pump and dump are not worth marring, they will be screwing your entire neighborhood.

[Valnac]

One is enough for me. If I find I’m looking, it may be time to end it.

[TallAnon]

Other, as long as the guys are aware, do whatever you want.

[Tim-loves-it]

Playing the field is like looking for a car.. ya gotta test drive it to make sure you want it!

[Badballie]

One test drive is not enough, it does not show anything, pump and dump is like going for a shit, you do it because you can. It takes quite some time to master the woman you are making love to, This one area where I can control my wife, she pleads for me to enter her, and once I am done she just lies down speechless, when she lets me. Sad but true.

[Tim-loves-it]

@Badballie part of the test drive!

[johnieohm]

we are a polygamous species where we had to have multiple partners to advance our species

[laurieluvsit]

One guy and one girl can multiply without the need of any others.

What am I missing in your argument Mr John?

[johnieohm]

ok roll back the time to when it was before ancient rome, we all lived relatively far apatt and mostly in small villages. we needed a way to protect our children from the predators and supply then with enough food/water so what we did was we pravticed polygamy to better our chances at reproducing and to better support the coming generation. so in nature we are very polyganous but now you want to change the way we are which will take hundreds if not thousands of years to do such a thing. see our psychology is that to better our chances at reproducing and supplying for our children and we could not do that alone so we did this together as a village

[laurieluvsit]

Yes, but we are not living in the times before ancient Rome.

Things are different now... are they not?

[johnieohm]

yes but how long would it take to make the changes to each persons psychology to not have to worry about the?

[Jamie05rhs]

@johnieohm Values are taught at a young age. If you don't screw up the kid in the first place, you won't have to "fix" the adult and retrain them. Thus zero hours of time to "change each person's psychology."

[johnieohm]

there is a lot to polygamous life style, polygamy is already rooted in the way the peoples psychologt from birth... you will have to change dna and how the brain evolves

[Jamie05rhs]

Our DNA doesn't dictate the number of people we have sex with. It only dictates that we have sex (or at least try to; obviously there must be two consenting parties.)

[johnieohm]

there is more than you think, go if we go way back to where we only lived in villages it was more common to rum polygamous relationships because it increases our chances of bearing offspring, also the added help would increase the childs chances of surviving in the first few to decades of life

[Jamie05rhs]

Dude, you weren't even alive back then. You don't know how polygamous people were or were not.

[johnieohm]

back when we were hunterers and gatherers we used polygamy and the opposite for a man to have multiple men to support thr next generation

[Badballie]

You are most likely not getting any sex, now you want the village women to give you free access. Desperation, hire a prostitute.

[johnieohm]

what are you talking about? i am going over facts. facts dont change on whether or not i am "getting any"

[Badballie]

Polygamy was started because men were often in wars, for many years, and many died, so there were unmarried women or widows available. To survive they had more than 1 wife to keep the tribe alive remember there were many stillborn babies. But 1 woman in my life is enough, 2 would drive me insane, all the demands, questions, etc. If men did not want sex no man would ever get married. I have been married twice, still didn't learn I love my wife, but there are times when I wished I never had sexual desires. When you are with that woman, before marriage, who lets you fuck as much as you want to. But slowly once you get married, the sex gets reduced, some are allowed sex once a week or even monthly. Or when she is available. This is so much bullshit, then women wonder why the men have girlfriends. When we are married you have paid upfront, so why is it so difficult for women to let you have enough sex. Its all about control and manipulation. I have never cheated on any of my girlfriends or wives.

[johnieohm]

how did that correlate to how much i am getting?

[Yessir12]

It is and I won’t date such a man.

[GuidoThePizzaMaker]

I voted C
Great question

[clampfan101]

When you get to the point of actually dating, yes.

[Babygirl_S]

It's cruel.

[KCJones]

One at a time