Casual sex with an ex, yes or no?

[Anonymous]

I'm trying to navigate a traumatic loss, so a serious relationship isn't feasible for me right now at all. I was dating someone when I realized that, and we broke up. He was going through his own stuff as well anyway (dated someone for over 6 years only to find out she was cheating on him for most of it), so I suggested being casual since we seemed to connect really well sexually and figured it was a connection to hit up when I had an itch to scratch.

However, he's been making me feel guilty/uncomfortable lately. We don't go out on dates, but he comes over just to hangout... even when sex isn't an option (like if I'm on my period or have plans). He randomly told me yesterday how much he appreciates having me in his life (even though he's in agreement that we're not compatible). He says he's done casual before, but it's been with friends. I don't want us to be friends. I'm used to being casual with guys I don't hit up unless I want something. So to me, he's just an outlet for fun, and I'm sure I'll walk away from it eventually, which I've actually told him before, but now I'm wondering if he believes me or is hoping for me to change my mind (I won't).

I feel like I'm using him even though I've been clear about my intentions. At first, I figured it was just misplaced emotions. Am I just overthinking things? I don't think he has feelings for me (he says he doesn't and that he's just finds me attractive), but sometimes it feels that way... is it wrong for me to carry on?

[Louis-1]

it might not be that healthy,
i have never had a relationship (I am very fit though, and not ugly but maybe a bit awkward due to ASD) but my best friend, she has had upwards of a dozen guys, for either casual or serious relations, and despite the fact that I love her, simply having her around makes me more confident for instance, I also find that she is very very very critical and when she has been with a guy for two weeks she often starts complaining and eventually it ends and he was simply terrible, now don't get me wrong, until the current one they have always been guys that were chosen for their looks, and some of them were pretty bad

but I know that she can be very emotional and thusfar I feel like I have been the emotional crutch, a sort of mental boyfriend like situation, in which I actually know how to handle her, which may be good training for the future but still having many partners wil always lead to such high expectations whilst having had none wil make you desperate to please and prone to being abused or being a doormat

[Rob70]

I think you need to take a break from him for a month or two. I think he is hiding the fact he has deeper feelings and is hoping to just slowly transform over to a committed relationship. Tell him you feel that things are becoming more than you want and you want to stop seeing each other for a little while so you both have some time to decide if you can make it work being casual hookups If after two months you decide you both can be happy with that then you could start back fresh

[Anonymous]

No for me. I couldn't do it even in a normal emotional state, but if you are trying to heal from a traumatic loss, that's even more reason not to. You have enough negative emotions to work through without someone else piling more on top of that. Maybe the sex is good, but doesn't it leave you feeling empty afterwards? It would for me. Add the guilt to that, and I think it's just more complications that you don't need right now. Take some time to focus on yourself and heal before you add the complications of someone else's feelings.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I've done a casual relationship with an ex and I've enjoyed it.
But you definitely should establish some boundaries and maybe create some more distance by adjusting your sexual activities.

With my ex we have added roleplay, trying out different things, adding a BDSM dynamic, artificial rules and so on to make the sex feel more like "just sex".
I've liked the "just sex" part, especially as time went by and the circumstances changed, and I don't think either party felt used or anything.

The whole "hanging out" when not having sex is definitely a bit too much, in my opinion.

[horatiohornblower]

While you both went in with the agreement for casual. You can't control feelings you develop of attachment. Whether he meant to or not. I believe the guy has developed feelings for you. But is trying not to scare you off.

[Anonymous]

yeah it's wrong and makes you look like a piece of shit for doing so. you already know in your heart it's wrong otherwise you wouldn't be on here asking us a bunch of strangers on the internet for disapproval/approval for something you already know is wrong

[OfDeath]

No. I see the appeal but when one of you finds another relationship, it's just pain for the other person.

[Asker]

Aww yikes. I don't want to hurt him.

[Seangreen]

No don't do it in fact you shouldn't even be using sex as a way to get through something go buy a vibrator

[Slim57]

I would, some you just have good sexual chemistry with

[SnakeBoop]

No. Just no. Stop it.

[bgreek]

So, basically your a slut

[Asker]

Lol, huh? In what way? Lmbo, I'm not sleeping around.

[emperor90]

Maybe it depends on if i want to

[Asker]

Maybeeee? Is it really using someone if you make your intentions clear?

[boredguy007]

wouldn't that be hate sex?

[Asker]

But I don't hate him. I just can't be in a relationship right now.

[boredguy007]

Ohhh. I seee. Why not go on tinder to find guys for Hookups? You might swipe on me too maybe 😉

[Asker]

Lol!! The random hookup thing feels weird and awkward to me. At least I know and trust him.

[boredguy007]

Ohhh. Would you mind trusting me after a convo?

[Jamie05rhs]

Noooo. Don't do it, sis!

[jahaims]

I'm not for casual sex

[Wise4myage]

Yes, if you both are on the same page.

[Kelly6]

Yes.

[Asker]

Yes what? You think I'm using him?

[Kelly6]

Yes I’ll do it

[In_Trance]

Nope