Is this guy insane?

[Tootsieroĺl555]

The guy I ve started seeing has a habit of doing this. Each time he doesn't get things his way or if he doesn't like the responses, he stops replying to my texts. He gives me annoyed looks but continues to chat with me in person though not on his own. I speak to him and he talks but all while giving me the side eye, fake smile etc. However, he won't reply to meet up for coffee or anything once he's annoyed. He was suffering from covid and I kept looking out for him, asking him how he was but he chooses to ignore all those simply because I didn't ask to go out.

He's 25 years old, turning 26

He Has no sense, is alcoholic, chain smoker , hooks around with a lot of girls and honestly looks depressed. The way he walks, or just carries himself, it looks like he's just dragging himself. Some of his actions are even robotic and he always looks like he's thinking something.

How do I deal with him?

[HollyK21]

My question would be how to deal with him, but why would you want to? He doesn’t sound like a catch in any way, shape or form.

[HollyK21]

**wouldn’t be

[Tootsieroĺl555]

Buf if he does that want to meet then why stare and keep me in contact?

[HollyK21]

Honestly I would say convenience. You may be one of the few girls in his rotation that willingly accepts him back. He knows that he can behave how he does, and you will still be there, when many women would not. Don’t mistake his wishy washy behavior for genuine interest, and reset your standards. If you don’t have any, then make some and don’t accept any man who doesn’t live up to them. Especially guys like this one, who blows you off, dates a lot of women and is unwilling to commit. That is a terrible situation to sign yourself up for more servings of.

[MisssA]

💯💯💯

[Tootsieroĺl555]

But I didn't allow him anything. I didn't have sex with him and since November lasy year, i didn't text when he first left me on read.
He was getting annoyed when I stopped texting him and I still didn't text. Then suddenly over the course of the last few weeks he suddenly became very nice. Giving compliments. Staring etc and he fell ill. That's the only reason why I texted asking how he is.
Apparently he didn't like my replies and is now doing the same thing again

It's him who suddenly became very nice and changed his tricks.

[HollyK21]

I think that is a matter of control. By doing these little things, he’s keeping you at least slightly interested. Even if you’ve yet to have sex with him, you are far more likely to do it if you think there’s genuine interest and a relationship is blossoming or at the very least the potential is there. You’re not an “easy” girl, and if he’s used to women giving it up without much work or getting what he wants in general then he may see you as a conquest of sorts, but don’t allow this attention to flatter you. Instead, look at his general actions and let those do the talking. Someone who’s genuinely interested in you will make some real effort, trying to talk to you, hang out with you and basically escalating your relationship. This guy isn’t doing any of that, and to be honest I wouldn’t maintain any sort of contact. Even just checking in to see if he’s doing well. Forget all that “annoyance”, he’s in no position to guilt you and shouldn’t even feel like such behavior is acceptable.

[Tootsieroĺl555]

Yes but by not replying he's again making the same mistake so is he dumb or what that he can't even play these games properly?
I have seen him meeting other girls at bars so I assume he gets sex from them without much effort. Then either ghosts them or keeps them as booty call because since the last few weeks (since he started being nice to me) it seemed like he wasn't talking to anyone.
I sent him a text when he said he was very cold and after that I noticed he started this nice act which was a month ago.

I dont block him because I feel that will only make him happy because he's the type of guy who seems like he gains happiness by harassing other people and seeing me upset/blocking will make me feel he got under my skin.
Because I ve seen that me acting unbothered really bothers him

[HollyK21]

By not booting him from your life, you are only feeding into his gameplay, and I’m not sure why you’d want to continue doing that? Saying things to yourself like “it’ll make him happy if I block him I won’t”, or even trying to decipher his actions is you making excuses to stay attached to him. Don’t let society trick you into believe that relationships and dating have to be some sort of big game, because with the right guy it is absolutely not. I can attest to that.

[Tootsieroĺl555]

But I have booted him. He didn't reply to meet up so it's already finished. Now he will never get texts but I'm only asking is because the moment I block him it will give him a sense of victory that he was finally able to hit my self eestem and ego and by being unbothered it will drive him insane again

[HollyK21]

Oh okay, if it’s already finished then that’s good on you :) regarding how he will take it, If I were you I wouldn’t be phased by it. The only person who controls how you feel and your self esteem is you, not him. So let that guy feel whatever victory and etc, it just doesn’t matter. Be proud of yourself🙏

[Tootsieroĺl555]

Yes because he himself finished it considering he never replied when he's free to meet up then why was he doing the nice act anyway. He doesn't even sound smart if he's so dumb.

But he still has my number still saved.

[HollyK21]

Yeah, he was definitely playing games. A man with good intentions would’ve arranged to meet another day or something of that nature. This guy is fine with just lagging on you and disappointment, which is never ok. He’s probably just in his “fun” phase, talking to many women and not tying himself down. You’re better off steering clear of that madness.

[Tootsieroĺl555]

Then why doesn't he leave me alone and forget about me and delete my contact info? He can't keep up his acts which means he isn't going to get what he wants then he can simply end it but he never does?

[HollyK21]

Have you ever directly told him these things? Like that he’s playing games and shouldn’t bother because he won’t get what he wants, and basically everything you are telling me? My point in asking you this is because unless you are telling him these things, then he doesn’t see a problem. On his end, all he is seeing is that he can misbehave, and you will accept him back, whether it’s responding to his messages, inviting him out for coffee, or even checking in on him while he has covid. You keep the lines of communication open with him in some way, shape, or form, and that’s just as bad as rewarding bad behavior.

[Tootsieroĺl555]

I haven't invited him for coffee. Just said if he's free let me know. He wants me to ask him out and I didn't hence tbe annoyance. I only don't say anything because I don't know if he's actually vindictive and we go to same uni so I'm scared what if he starts spreading false rumors about me etc. A lot of his colleagues think he's just nice and shy so they will believe his version if he starts spreading malicious rumors

[Tootsieroĺl555]

I only checked up on him because he was suddenly being very nice to me, even giving compliments

[HollyK21]

I only mentioned the coffee part because in your initial posting you said, “however, he won’t reply to meet up for coffee or anything once he’s annoyed”. My statement was essentially referring to you inviting him out anywhere, doesn’t have to be coffee. As for why you checked up on him, you don’t have to explain why you did it, regardless of the circumstances you were just doing a kind thing. He clearly does not appreciate said kindness, so I wouldn’t bother checking in. Also, don’t be afraid to speak your mind. You know what you have and haven’t done for him, so why fear a false rumor? It’s better to not speak with him at all if you can’t even call him out for ghosting you and being a jackass, which is wrong.

[Tootsieroĺl555]

If I call him out he might spread rumors. Considering how he has continously come up with new excuses or new methods to lure me into chasing after him, inspite of meeting other girls and over the course of 7 months, he seems like he has vindictive and obsessive tendencies. He doesn't talk to anyone that much on campus and when he does , he talks philosophically so people ghink he's so nice. He ll end up doing something that's what I feel. And calling him out is like being bothered by his actions which is why I avoid because when he sees I'm unbothered, it bothers him

[HollyK21]

Well in that case, I’m not really sure what else I can suggest besides just ignoring him and moving on with your life. If you don’t feel comfortable blocking him then that’s fine, but you don’t have to respond anymore either. If he tries talking or getting mad at you then ignore him. You aren’t a slave to this man or obligated to “chase”/entertain him. I hope you aren’t making excuses for him or for yourself to keep engaging him, but when you rebuttal everything I say (as you’ve unfortunately been doing) I can’t help but think otherwise.

[Tootsieroĺl555]

I really wanted to see him but it seems like he's just into games and sex.

[HollyK21]

I get it, trust me we’ve all felt that way about a guy at least once in our life. But honestly you’re better off keeping distance from him, and being patient for the right guy to come along. Maybe one day the guy you like will be mature enough and ready to commit to someone, and who knows maybe that someone will be you. But right now isn’t the time, and loving yourself means knowing you deserve better treatment.

[Tootsieroĺl555]

I dont know I feel very sad. He's not my type at all, not in looks not in anyway shale or form. But we has chemistry, we got along very well and I found it very easy to talk to him. I feel like I could understand him because he also seemed like he had a lonely childhood etc based on a few things he said like you can't choose your family which I totally sympathize with.
But he on other hand, always checks me out , my legs, chest and 1st conversation itself, he looked me up and down and then suddenly went behind the printer and stood behind it for a while before he came out.

He's 5 years younger than me (im 30) so I keep forgiving him thinking he's just being immature but he gets unfollowed a lot, many friends have cut ties with him and he looks deeply unhappy. Even some of his movements are robotic and he always looks like he's thinking something.

I honestly wanted to know him better but it seems like it's all in vain

[HollyK21]

You have the right to feel upset, not only because this is disappointing but because you’ve invested yourself into this guy, hung onto him and have hoped for the best outcome. But at our age (I am 30 as well), we have been through enough to know better. This guy is surely not your first rodeo, so you understand how important it is to walk away when a situation is no longer serving you. His age makes his actions make a lot more sense — he’s young, immature and doing his own thing. You’re in one place in life: mature, probably have your shit together and ready for a serious relationship should it present itself, and he’s in another. Don’t backtrack into your 20s and put yourself through the wringer by investing more time in this guy — it’s counterproductive. He is who he is and it’s not up to you to fix, coddle, and heal him. That is inner work he must do when he is ready. Having a bad childhood is no excuse either, because I cannot name one person I know who didn’t have some sort of difficulty in their youth. Having it hard under 20 is no reason to treat people like they don’t matter or shit on women when he feels like it. That is also not a man you should want to sign up for more drama, disappointment and hurt with. No matter how good he is or how much you have in common, it is not worth it girl.

[Tootsieroĺl555]

I understand. That's why I don't go hard on him considering his age but I find it very disappointing that he only views my body?

[HollyK21]

Unfortunately it’s not strange. Its actually harder to find a guy who is interested in more than your body. It great for you to take his age into account, but don’t use it as an excuse to justify his behavior and “go easy on him”. This isn’t a ten year old child, it’s a grown man who knows exactly what he’s doing. As an adult, he can make grown up choices and he actively chooses to be shitty to women.

[Tootsieroĺl555]

But why do you think he stares at me? He was sitting across me and watching me and then when he came close he was looking at me again and when he had his back to me, I noticed he was turning the other side to look at me and then turned back completely to look at me. I saw him snd he quickly looked away.

But then he doesn't text or doesn't reply snd it becomes confusing.
Do you think he has issues? Like he never mentioned his mother even though he studied in her country for 6 years at a boarding school. But he did mention his father and said he does go to see him but his parents now live separely in different countries

[HollyK21]

If you guys are in the same friend group or something that puts you in certain proximities of him, maybe it’s his way of acknowledging you. Of course my opinion on that isn’t fact, because I don’t know what goes through his mind when that happens. However I wouldn’t advise reading too deeply into it.

[Tootsieroĺl555]

No we don't have the same friend group. We see each other sometimes but when he won't reply to meet me then why not just delete my number and close the chapter with me? He didn't get what he wanted and he won't meet up. So what's rhe point?

[HollyK21]

He may do that once he feels you have shut the door on him for good. As of now, you haven’t stood up for yourself, haven’t called him out, haven’t been rude, hostile or anything to make him think there’s an issue. So what would prompt him to delete your number? There’s no reason to. No he hasn’t gotten what he wanted, but as long as he knows you are still interested then surely he thinks there potential for sex in the future. You know in your mind that it’s not happening, and you also know he is not interested in a serious relationship whether it’s just with you or anyone else. So now it’s time to stick to your guns and keep him cut off. He will get the message eventually and maybe then he’ll delete your number.

[Tootsieroĺl555]

Do you think he has any feelings for me? Becoz when he falls out with other girls he doesn't seem to care but with me, full blown annoyance

[HollyK21]

Are you trying to talk yourself into staying? I’m just curious why you have so many questions as to his current interest in you?

[Tootsieroĺl555]

I really want to know

[HollyK21]

Maybe these are things to ask him directly. Personally I think walking away from that situation is healthier, but your questions are very specific and only he can answer them. Even asking another guy won’t suffice because it’s not from him.

[MisssA]

He sounds like a real piece of shit and you enable him by allowing him to treat you that way. Apparently not enough people have told him in his lifetime to either fix his attitude or fuck off. Plus you say he hooks up with a lot of girls, why are you even seeing him? He sounds like a big ol baby & you can do sooo much better. Please go do better 💖

[Tootsieroĺl555]

He has already lost many friends a lot of people who knew him unfollowed him and stopped being friends with him too.

But I didn't allow him anything. He was getting annoyed when I stopped texting him and I still didn't text. Then over the course of the last few weeks he suddenly became very nice. Giving compliments. Staring etc and he fell ill. That's the only reason why I texted asking how he is.
Apparently he didn't like my replies and is now doing the same thing again

[MisssA]

After reading some of your other replies it seems like you just want to make excuses for him. Stop worrying about what you assume he’ll think and just block him & move on with your life. This man is controlling you and you don’t even realize it. Trust me, block him and never ever look back he is not good for you and every second you waste thinking about him is a waste of time

[Tootsieroĺl555]

How is he controlling me when he's barely replying?

[Anonymous]

you deal with him by getting away from him right now. like seriously why are you still trying? block him and move on...

[Tootsieroĺl555]

I dont block him because I feel that will only make him happy because he's the type of guy who seems like he gains happiness by harassing other people and seeing me upset/blocking will make me feel he got under my skin.
Because I ve seen that me acting unbothered really bothers him

[Tootsieroĺl555]

He seems like a very unhappy person inside who needs to harass people to gain his own happiness and as much as I hare how he acts, I don't want him to feel victorious.
Each time I act unbothered, it makes him mad because he cannot hide the annoyance from his face

[spartan55]

Wow, you are quite the mind reader... 😂 😂 😂

[Esperanto]

Run away