How would you break up with someone or how do you prefer someone to break up with you?

Question

Will you break it to them gently? Straightforward?  Ghost them and hoping they’ll get the message?  In person? Or text? Or online?

WhereIsMyMind · Accepted Answer

My ex was an abusive psychopath so just the thought of breaking up with him was hard. I guess I'd already started acting distant because I just didn't want to deal with his shit anymore.

I stopped trying to put in as much effort when it came to reconciling with him after yet another crazy episode, and his manipulative tactics were becoming less effective, it had all become tiring and I just wanted him out of my life.

I guess he could sense this, because one day when we were texting eachother he said that he didn't like the way I was acting and that because of this we should break up (manipulating again), and instead of trying to change his mind I agreed that it might be for the best. That's when he started ringing me, bombarding me with messages and saying he was coming to my house, etc.

I said I needed time to myself and then I met up with him a couple of days later. I think he thought it would be another time where we'd just meet up and pretend that nothing happened, carry on as normal. But when I reiterated that I did still think that breaking up was for the best, he got very upset and angry, crying and saying that he'd wished I had just said this over message instead of meeting.

It then took another couple of months to get rid of him for good because he'd threaten to just turn up at my house in the early hours of the morning unless I met him nearby, so I would. Then I had to try and put more time between these meetings, the messages more infrequent, slowly push him further away. Got there eventually. And I'm so thankful I'm not in that toxic relationship anymore, 1 year felt like a decade. Being with him was the worst period of my life.

SkyCastle90 · Accepted Answer

Straightforward.

I've only broken up with three men.

1. Early teens. Guy would verbally abuse me hard, like an angry parent type of scolding over the phone when I didn't do what he wanted. After attempting to rape me and me fighting him off by hitting his face, I left with my friend who was downstairs unaware of what was happening. I end up breaking up with him that night and blocking him.

2. Late teens and Young adult. He was addicted to videogames so much so he wouldn't take showers or care of his dog. Finally, his neighbors and traveling father came back saw his living conditions and got him help. Neighbors end up adopting the dog. I broke up after he got help and support; 5 years of having my words go in one ear and out the other, I was done.

3. 20's. Another verbally abusive guy. He would micromanage me to the point that if I went out with friends it's expected that I'll receive a good scolding when I get back. Heard, "You're lucky I love you," shit a lot. After 8 months of this and watching him get worse, I was done and broke it off.

Men aren't terrible, it's just wasn't wise enough to pick the right ones until later. I'm so happy I never had sex with any of them, because each relationship I refused in fear of getting pregnant and I didn't have birth control at the time.

ObscuredBeyond · Accepted Answer

It's all a situational thing.

If I'm the problem, I tell her what's broken, and if she has the patience to wait while I fix it. If not, then it is what it is. She has a fair chance.

If she's the problem, how I handle it depends entirely on her attitude.

If neither of us is the problem as individuals, and it's a bigger situation, I make sure she understands I blame the greater situation, and whoever else caused it, for why a future together wasn't in the cards.

I take pains to ensure there's no (or very little) resentment for each other that will follow us later.

Her family puts their feet down, she lives in another country that won't let me visit; her family pushes her to see someone else, I'll ask her what she really wants. If I get no answer, I'll assume that means she took the easy way out. If she believes in me, I stand by her. If she throws in the towel, I respect her decision.

Only if she's a mean, lying bitch, will she have any reason to be concerned about how I feel afterward. But that character flaw will condemn her at some point later in life, whether I'm around to witness it or not.

Gent207 · Accepted Answer

Straight with sensitivity to context and timing i. e., not at a funeral or her birthday etc.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I think ghosting is justified if your soon-to-be ex presents a threat of violence to you. Or if you have string evidence that they will tend to be "stalkerish" (and why in the hell are you even dating someone like that? Another story!) Otherwise, ghosting is just a cowardly way of doing something that is unpleasant but necessary.

silkjames · Answer

I always had very long term relationships which I'm still best friends with all of them and when the fire burns out we both just talk and come to a mutual agreement it was like we both broke up with each other slowly like and we still could relate and talk for hours it was hard too let go but when a female cry's which that was not my plan to hurt her it makes me feel bad and I just explain why the relationship is not working out il never ghost anyone I always show them respect nomatter the disagreement and this one ex did not want to break up she was a cutie but a brat I remember she said we are perfect we have the best sex ever lol I said sweetie it not just about the sex I felt like we where just living everyday like rebots she was cool with that I can't just be with someone if I'm not happy my friends would say she so dope how are u not happy like so what see the different between what I think compare to my guy friends think I will not stay in a perfect relationship in others eyes just because she sexy we all live life once the person has to be someone that enjoys life and loves life and wants me for me that's not too much I'm asking for it's easy lol I'm perfect but I know what I want out of life im not going to settle down with a person that not putting 100% in too a relationship like I do that's not fair it's funny how couples look perfect and sexy together through other people eyes wishing they had that but truly the relationship is not perfect some people just keep up with appearance because they more worried what other think about them I'm like girl u not in a relationship with the world you with me lol focus on us who cares what other people think lol well I always been very patient the one will cross my path again:) I don't know you know what I'm trying to say right I sound like I'm blah blah blahing il shut up now lol!

Smoke-n-Growls · Answer

I've been the dumper in both instances, in person the first time and the second by video call (COVID and LDR - it was our main mode of communication).

I don't really care for either experience, really. It sucks for both parties.

While I'm not looking forward to the prospect of being dumped, I'm sure it'll be a learning experience.

I just hope if I'm dumped that I can keep my emotions and mind together enough to have a productive and closure-providing final conversation. I didn't get that - or honesty - from the men I dumped (part of why I dumped them), so it's important to me to be able to give honest and open feedback at the end.

Closure is really important.

letuswaltzforthedead · Answer

I'd probably want someone to break up with me as straightforward as possible. Texting would probably be better because there's time to think about what you're going to say and you're more detached from the conversation (it'll still hurt like hell anyways but it's better than being complete emotional mess in front of people).

If I'm breaking up with someone, I would have to find a way to put it lightly. I'm not even sure what I'd do but I'd try to talk to them gently and in person while being as honest as possible.

MilaRay · Answer

Never ghost someone that’s the worst way to do it. It’s disrespectful. It just implies that you feel like they were so insignificant and unimportant that they weren’t even worth a notification that you would be moving on. If they want to text you and continue with the relationship yes they will just get the point eventually but in the process they will lose ALL respect for you and it will probably severely damage that persons self esteem. If you have any conscious don’t choose that option. Anything is better than ghosting. Now I’m not talking about a person your just dating casually or have only known for a short amount of time. I’m referring to a relationship in which the person was under the impression that it was committed and exclusive-especially longer relationships. I think once it’s been anything past 3 months the appropriate thing to do is to just say something…ANYTHING. But don’t just say nothing

exitseven · Answer

I broke up with somebody over the phone. It took me a couple of months to do it. I tried to be a nice as I could and just before I hung up I told her I loved her and she said it back to me. I think we both realized the relationship had run it's course. It still hurt though.

shanshu · Answer

I'd rather it be direct and truthful, not harsh but truthful with why they want to breakup like they have feelings for someone else or they don't want to be with me for certain reasons like either there's no spark or I e gone boring or even if it's that we are not sexual compatible or I'm not doing it for her.

It might hurt but whatever it is I could prob work on for the next relationship.

If you use some BS line like it's not you it's me then how are we going to know the actual reason even if it is you if you don't tell us

The_Shadow_Dweller · Answer

Texting, online, ghosting are not the options. It is cowardly.

I would be straight forward. I will also not use the 'it is not you it is me' excuse. That is frustrating. I will give her honest pointers as to what went wrong on both the sides. If I am able to find some pointers, so that she and I will not be making those mistakes in the future.

I would prefer a combination of gentleness and straightforwardness.

NathanDavis · Answer

I've never broke up, we just reached a point in which decisions had to be made ahead of the future, our future, my future, her future... so we talked it through, and we reached to mutual conclusions therefore decisions

and then we just completed a cycle, in good terms as well... and then, we didn't do it abruptly, we worked on it gradually so we didn't have to just break things apart

dynamicyandere · Answer

It’s pretty straightforward for me.

I’ll always make sure we have a talk. I’ll let them what has been going on and then I’ll tell them I’ve made my decision to end things. Then that’s that. I’ve always been calm and respectful when breaking the news.

Before I reach that point, I would have tried a lot of different things to fix the relationship first. I won’t break up with someone unless I feel like it’s really become a loss cause.

petitedollbabee · Answer

Depends on what the relationship was like. If they were abusive or threatening, I would do it over message and block them instantly and delete/unsend any revealing information about myself from our message logs so that they can’t spread any sensitive information with proof.

If they were nothing but kind but we just didn’t connect properly, I would talk to them in person and be honest with how I feel. Let them down easy, but also be straight forward as to get it over with quickly.

big_ben_007 · Answer

Life would be SO much easier and simpler if people used the two step method to breaking up. This is how i wish my ex would have dumped me

Step 1. Open hand slap the person across the face. Hard.

Step 2. Yell "ITS OVER. WE ARE DONE. DO NOT CALL OR TEXT ME. BYE!!"

I would have been fine with that. But my ex broke up with me over the phone and cried while saying "I didn't want to do this" oh yeah. Suuuuuure.

Reemaa · Answer

Now, If if this person really “LOVES” you, then there aren’t any gentle way to break up with them. If you are concerned about them getting hurt, they will get hurt no matter what the break-up method is. But if you mean less hurt, then I would say being straightforward will definitely help them move on and finds another person. Ghosting is the worst method here.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

As an adult, in a civil conversation. Not by ghosting or by text. I do them the respect of face to face (unless they are prone to violence) and state simply that this isn't the first time, and it won't be the last time we've had issues. That we have tried to work through our issues but it just isn't working or we just are not compatible. That I am keeping him from finding someone better, and that I hope we can stay on good terms as friends.

Actually 80% of the time I have stayed friends with ex's, and often would date a friend of a ex or setup a ex with a friend, real world social networking.

mobiusforniner · Answer

I've done it multiple ways depending on my attachment to her- in person, phone call, and most recently via letter. Letter probably being the most intimate.

It never ever goes well. If the recipient is not wanting it to happen, they will cry and have a strong emotional response, regardless however gentle the approach.

TheLoneTerran · Answer

If you don't do it in person, you're a coward. Dear John letters, fucking texts, emails, and phone calls are all ways to create distance from the situation. Someone you've been with deserves face to face when the break up happens. (Does not apply if someone is abusive.)

Espresso-Grande · Answer

I'd prefer him to talk face-to-face.

I'd rather he didn't spare me the pain and tell me the truth.

Ghosting or not being honest, just prolongs the pain. Being honest helps me to process it all and reflect on the truth of the situation rather than constantly dwelling on the reason why. Knowing why, even if it hurts, helps me to put things into perspective. Which helps me to heal and finally move on

globetrotter22 · Answer

The person doing the breaking up usually has to deal with some guilt (unless they are sociopaths). However the person who got dumped has to deal with a broken heart.

I’ve been in both positions and in between. I once was in a position were I actually wanted my then girlfriend to break up with me because she didn’t do anything wrong. However I didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. But I just couldn’t bring myself to break up with her. It really was a “it’s not you, it’s me” scenario. However I regret how I handled that for a very long time.

However when it comes down to it the person doing the breaking up usually holds all the power. It’s better to be in that position. Not to abuse it obviously but I found guilt to be easier to deal with then heartbreak. Heart break can last a very long time

electromagnetic · Answer

My last relationship was pretty toxic.

One day I just got up and walked away. Completely ghosted. Blocked all forms of them contacting me, moved apartments, switched job locations, the whole works.
I'm sure we'll run into each other at one point but for now, I'm content.

Usually it's just best to be straight forward but I know he would say or do something that'll convince me its a good idea to stay and I dont want that.

mantelk · Answer

I have only had one serious girl friend who I was with for 7 years. After difficulties in the relationship we went to therapy and tried working on the relationship for months and months. However when things didn't work out well we ended up realizing together it is best to separate. If you have respect for the other person you wouldn't want to break up with them so easily.

TheMajesticKing777 · Answer

At that point I would try making it easy to myself, I would do it through text, I will then say we can meet up to speak about it a bit more clearly just hoping she says "there's nothing to more talk about" now if she wants to meet up then I guess I'll take the slap

EarthRealm · Answer

I’d probably let her down Gently and tell her It doesn’t matter because she will forget me When she’s is sleeping anyways.
Ya know people tell me They remember our conversations and won’t ever forget me but then I think we’ll do you sleep?
Then they say yah
Then I say then you will forget me

DiegoO · Answer

There is never a rational answer to "how." Implying breakups. I did breakup with text message, then with a video call. Either way I don't regret breaking up. You always breakup for a good damn reason: to break the unhappyness the relationship cause to you.

Andres77 · Answer

If I was in a relationship with someone for any length of time I would have developed some affection for them. To be disrespectful just because I've realized that I don't think we have a future together is cruel and selfish.
It's only fair to tell them how I really feel and see if there's a fix. If not then we just have to figure out how to go our own ways... and minimize the pain in parting.

HighValue · Answer

Move her stuff out on the lawn when she is gone and change the locks. Then when she comes back have a note on her stuff saying, "You moved." lol j/k

I do everything in person and I am straight forward.

TonyV · Answer

I don't know, I never really have, geuss I kind of ghosted my highschool girlfriend after she dumped me over a rumor then begged me to take her back.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

"Hey. I don't think we would be right for each other." "Okay." "But thank you for giving me your time, and I appreciate the conversations we had." "You're welcome. You, too!" [The end.]

Rockstarrrrr · Answer

If I still like the person : meet them in person and explain everything.. If I don't : on the phone or text

erandal · Answer

Honest and straightforward. Always the best way as it usually gives closure.

mermaidcancermoon · Answer

I like things forward, simple honest. Save the politeness for a sensitive individual.  I dont care if its by text or face to face as long as its private.

TacosRAwesome · Answer

I'd rather they break up with me because it seems like none of my reasons for breaking up with my exes were good enough and my pov is that if they want to leave, they're free to do so and I don't want to know the reason why.

TallAnon · Answer

Meet up, sit down and calmly convey that I don't think this is going to work out. Apologize, give them a chance to respond/vent and wish them the best.

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

I would be gently some people don't take break ups very well. I had friends that had to file restraining orders and get law enforcement involved.

MrOracle · Answer

I'm pretty straight forward and I prefer that she is as well. I'm not a child, I don't need to be coddled.

Whatever2929292 · Answer

This really depends on the relationship. As well as the reason behind breaking up. Kind of a hypothetical to be honest

jcampbell115 · Answer

I would in person, and I would certainly hope they would do that too. It's difficult, but it would need to be done. U?

sheikalana · Answer

In a respectful and calm way. A conversation face to face.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Gently but also straight up and always in person unless it’s an LDR

Tiptoetamm · Answer

I would have a talk with them in person. I think I are least owe them that

Cowboy6666 · Answer

If I found a girl is cheating on me or lost interest in me and seeing/talking with someone else for relationship or sex. I will move on silently and won't talk with her. 😕

AviatorTom · Answer

I've had breakups in person, phone calls, email and text... and receiving divorce papers.

Blackcosmo · Answer

I would find it really hard to breakup with someone but I'd probably have a talk with them and maybe give them a parting gift. I'd prefer if someone broke up with me in person.

TexasRed95 · Answer

I would be straightforward but I would also have to set it up. Like let them know I need a serious conversation about the relationship.

DivineZero · Answer

Honesty is the best policy. Mix that with kindness and consideration with a hint of chemical X and you have something magical 😋

SAMI_DABBAB · Answer

I do my breakups in the same way everytime. Text nothing on the day I'm breaking up, then sending a very long message full of praise and appreciate followed with wishes of a better future

DiamondsReal · Answer

If someone wanted to break up with me, I prefer them to do it to my face, instead of on the phone or a text. I'll do the same if I wanted to break up.

Rebecka33 · Answer

I like straightforward. If a guy isn't in to me I'd rather hi. Be honest and give me reason why. I'm assuming guys prefer same from. Ladies. If I were to break up I'd be honest tel them why.

MrPickles13 · Answer

Speak to them in a gentle and straightforward manner. You owe that much ti them I would say.

Curiouslad123 · Answer

Being straightforward and honest not wasting the other persons time.

discobutterfly · Answer

Be open and honest that you need to talk about something important, express it. It’s the only way to put it out there so you can both move forward.

dolemite89 · Answer

i don’t have a girlfriend, i do have a couple of girls that would be mad if they heard me say that tho 😝

driven159 · Answer

in person straight forward just get on with it and move on

Jamesshinobi · Answer

i dont remember ever breaking up with anyone. i just walked away and stopped calling or they did it first. maybe thats why im still friends with all my exes

Fuentes · Answer

Ill dump them n say it ain't working and i need to chase a bag and they're in the way

NotTacocaT6969 · Answer

In person, gently and straightforward.

Agape93 · Answer

In person, and just be blunt about it.

hafinjun · Answer

Transfer 100000.00 into my account, pay their side of rent in cash 12 months in advance, stock fridge, liquor cabinet, leave numbers of two prettiest single girlfriends

LiamSawyer · Answer

It should always be done in person.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

In person and just be straight with them.

Valso · Answer

I prefer not to have to dump anyone but if there's no other way, straightforward and in person.

How would you break up with someone or how do you prefer someone to break up with you?

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