I’m so numb on feeling?

[juustatoxicjulie]

Hi everyone, my ex fiancé and i have been together for 8 years. we were engaged for 2 months. our relationship has not been easy. we have been a lot of more bad times than we did good. he has messed me up mentally and spiritually. when we were together he DMed girls on instagram complimenting them, he talked to some girl on facebook bc he wasn’t sure about me, he has said so many nasty things to me when he is drunk. he abuses alcohol bc he’s depressed. i know he’s a great guy, but i can’t put passed me all the stuff he has put me through. i gave him the ring back and told him that i need time to heal bc i can’t keep living with anger and with my insecurity. he doesn’t underhand, that i need to heal. even if we don’t get back together i need to heal so i won’t bring my trust issues and insecurities to my next relationship. what are some suggestions you guys can help me so i can heal. please don’t mention therapy. i don’t have money for that. is there any videos i can watch, a book i can read, anything.

[lumos]

Unfortunately I don't have any books or videos to recommend. But I do have a piece of advice: if it gets to the point where you feel numb, to me it means that you need to drop him and find someone else. You can't save all relationships just by healing and "moving on" from what has happened in the past. And if you feel numb, it means it's gone too far and there's no going back.
I'm sure you can find material online and in books, that will help you process and heal from the things he has done to you. But that doesn't mean that you should go back to him once you feel a bit better. I have a feeling he'll take it for granted and undo all the hard work you've done to feel better.
The fact that you already know about what potential issues this could bring to a new relationship is a big step in your healing journey. Acknowledging and being self-aware of your own trauma, as to not bring it to a new relationship as baggage, is really wise of you. This is a key element to healing and moving on, and you're well on your way for knowing that already. <3

[CallmeTheKnight]

You need time to get over this. Forgive him to help get that burden off you.

You just need time and when you feel that you're ready, get back out there

[Anonymous]

You need to move on from this guy and start your dating life all over again.