What do I do with my long distance boyfriend?

[sunny22721]

we broke up…for the second time. first time in may, he said he needed time to understand who he was and what he wanted and he was scared he wasn’t enough for me and the relationship, that he couldn’t give me what it required. then he texted me after a month, he said he suffers from depression because he has to move in two weeks to wales to study and probably stay there after too, or in Europe. we worked on our issues and everything went fine. two weeks ago he broke up with me again because he said the distance now was weighing on his mental health, he said we’re meant together and he still sees a future with me, he still loves me, he is just doing it because right now he has a lot going on and distance is heavy on him and he is scared again to not be able to give me what a relationship requires because his love is physical…. and he told me he talked about this to the therapist and she told him this is just anxiety because he has to move, just that. i don’t know what to do. i was hurt and i removed all the profile pictures with him and after i did, he did too + deleted the post he made with me and our bios together on instagram and twitter…i’m scared i gave him the impression i don’t want him anymore, i’m scared he won’t come back, i’m scared of everything…i miss him terribly and i don’t know what to do…the love isn’t disappeared, it’s still there, he is just so caught up in his anxiety…and i know it’s hard…this kind of love can’t disappear after a year because of distance, it would have happened at the beginning, not now…he was scared about it before getting together but he got over it and we had a beautiful year so it can’t be that again, just the situation he is in…but i really don’t know what to do. We love each other so much and even his therapist knows so, but his mental issues are winning. He is from the USA and i’m from Italy. (please don’t tell me your opinion on long distance relationships). How do i fix it? Not giving up, i want to fight for us…

Updates

1 y

i wrote it wrong, i’m sorry. sometimes people are mean when talking about LDR and start saying things like “they don’t work” “they’re stupid” “they’re fake”, those are not opinions… “long distance is not my thing” is an opinion. don’t insult please

[PrettyPriya]

What do you mean "don't tell me your opinion on long distance relationships" and then ask about exactly that. That is the whole point here. It is about the difficulty that LDRs present and we cannot give an opinion?

Your entire detail section is about the struggles of LDRs. So, I am going to address that because there is no magic cure to fix this. No one on this site understands the relationship like you do. We can't just say "do this" and magically fix things for you.

The first thing is that I think you both acted immaturely and somewhat prematurely removing each other from your social media. That likely gave him the impression that things were done for good.

The best thing you can do is reach out to him and discuss what, if anything, you both can do to move forward. If you cannot come to a conclusion or compromise, then it is over. There is nothing left you can do.

The lack of in person connection is what is going to make things hard no matter what. Realistically, how long can you go without being with each other? What are the odds that you will actually be together permanently at some point? Something to think about.

[sunny22721]

i wrote it wrong, i’m sorry. it’s just that sometimes people are mean when talking about LDR and start saying things like “they don’t work” “they’re stupid” “they’re fake”, those are not opinions… i’m sorry.

the odds are actually in our favor, he could easily find a job in Europe after school (he is coming to Wales for his master so we will just be 2 hours away by plane) and coming to Italy is easier than going to America but there is the wedding (that we both want at some point) that can bring us together permanently. So it’s very possible. And i want to reach out but i’m a bit scared

[PrettyPriya]

Okay, so it sounds like there is potential. Now, for the hard part. Waiting it out and making it work until you have a more agreeable distance between the two of you. You don't mention how long away that is once he is in Europe to study.

What you need to do (and I mean both of you) is sit down and concentrate and focus on a plan once he is closer to you. Like how often you can go see him and how often he can see you.

Then you can start talking about what you can do together when you do have those times in person. Make it like planning a holiday, which is always exciting. That might help get you through the period when you are far from each other.

Anything exciting that you can talk about and plan to keep your minds off the fact you are a world apart will help you BOTH cope with the distance problem. Build that excitement.

[sunny22721]

we will be 2 hours away by plane (Italy - Wales) and we could see each other almost every weekend and holidays. Tickets are affordable and we did talk about it. Traveling, helping him study, do stuff. We did talk about that but the day we broke up he said he knew he would regret doing so and feel bad. We aren’t talking at the moment so i don’t know what to do. We didn’t talk about being friends or if we wanted to still talk or not. Then the pictures thing happened and now I don't know what i should do.

[PrettyPriya]

I assume you have his email or some way of contacting him. I would sit down and write a well thought out email (letter) to him explaining why you two need to give it another chance.

Don't rush it. Really sit and think of all the valid and positive points. For example, you will be soooo much closer really soon. Focus on the good and see what comes back.

[sunny22721]

i like this, i tried showing it when we broke up but of course feelings and all didn’t really help me with expressing myself. so a well written email could work better. thank you

[PrettyPriya]

You are welcome and good luck to you. 🙂

[Anonymous]

I don't know girl... do you two have definite plans to move closer together in a few years or whenever that is? the reason why these type of relationships don't work is because the whole point of a relationship is being close together, experiencing things together, feelings together, and all you guys have is text/phone. so it's very hard and understandable when things don't work out

i'd also like to point out the fact that he broke up with you twice and he has depression. he's not ready for a relationship and it's not fair to you. i know you want to fix it, but it doesn't seem like he does because he broke up with you a few times. i'd say let it go until he can get himself figured out because he's the one holding you back

[Anonymous]

You're probably much attention from him, and he's in an LDR. LDR sucks, but they can work. He can't touch you or sees you, which is hard enough. Don't be too demanding.

[sunny22721]

i understand it, but we will be closer. 2 hours by plane instead of 12 in one week… So what do you think I should do?

[Opinion Owner]

Just tell him you still want to meet up with him. Tell him, "I dont if I sound pathetic or desperate, you still something to me, and I still want you in my life." just dont mention an LDR. Just tell him you to want to meet up.

[sunny22721]

so i shoukd text him? because we aren’t talking right now, we haven’t since the break up.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, but I am scared he might block you because I dont know if the guy is an insecure guy. You mentioned he goes to therapy; maybe talking to him might trigger him.

[sunny22721]

no no he would not block him and it would not trigger him, i’m sure of that. he would talk to me. i’m scared he could “reject” me like pushing me away and wanting space or to just be friends

[Opinion Owner]

Tell him you can't be his friend, but dont mind having a photonic relationship until he figures things out.

[Guy13]

You are brave. Outside of whatever else... you are brave !!

[Guy13]

Talk about letting the truth unwind as much as one can and backing off to protect as much as willing and not blowing it up in temper tantrum.-you're something else strong. "I am out but not really. " ;-)
Might as well cut all of communication and let him man-up if he is going too... And I do not care what his counselor says !! At some point he has to stop making excuses and you have to totally stop so that he makes the right decision ON HIS OWN.
It might not be the decision you soul and body aches for... the decision wanted in that moment but if it his decision ALONE then it is the right one for both you... my opinion.

[sunny22721]

his therapist didn’t agree with him, she said it’s just anxiety and it has nothing to do with distance… i know i should wait for him to understand but it hurts so much right now and i just wish i could do something ….

[Guy13]

I got that but we all have anxiety, whooppiee as far as I am concerned. You can not help him weed through that for him to make a decision that doesn't come back later, "I thought I was doing etc... but I didn't make the right on... I'll always love you." One always has to be willing to allow SO to fix themselves and fly away when fixed and feeling New.-I hate that reality.

[sunny22721]

that’s what i think too… i understand it must be hard for him all this but i would be happy to have someone 1) in Europe where he is moving even if it’s not the same place and 2) who can be there for me when i need

[NotTacocaT6969]

It’s not going to work out.


He’s too uncertain about his life to be part of a stable relationship right now.

[CallmeTheKnight]

Just throw the whole relationship away. You're wasting your time and he's full of crap. Full of excuses and you bought that.

Move on and block him

[In_Trance]

Time to move on.
Don't go back

[sunny22721]

moving on is not actually in my mind…he is too important for me. i know i asked everyone’s opinion and i appreciate it