I think I am going to break up with my girlfriend tonight and need advice?

[Anonymous]

I am terrible at confrontation, especially when there isn’t really one particular thing to confront someone about. My girlfriend is very kind, supportive and an all around good person.

But over the last year she has spiraled worse and worse, jumping from one medical crisis to the next, and she has incredibly low self esteem. I have tried to be a good influence but she has only gotten worse and regularly messages me about how terrible she looks. I tried to reassure her at first but later I started saying “don’t be so harsh on yourself, I don’t want you to talk about yourself like that”. It’s not very supportive and my not be the right way to respond but there really isn’t a good way to respond.

And she has had multiple major injuries and sicknesses, I feel like we are constantly battling something. Which is putting a lot of stress on me because my job has gotten horrible. I pretty much know I am leaving my company and that it’ll likely mean I have to move away, which would essentially end the relationship for multiple reasons.

The issue is, she loves me so much and relies on me for her happiness. And I am terrified what breaking up with her will do to her. But I know I can’t stay just because I don’t want to hurt her, because as work gets worse, I have been finding myself getting colder towards her and she has gone through so many issues that I have just lost all my attraction for her. I feel more like a caretaker telling someone how to live, not even be healthy.

I could really use some advice.

Updates

1 y

She didn’t do anything recently to trigger this, but I have a job interview that will
Have me move across the country and it’s just everything piled up to the point where I don’t want to lead her on anymore.

[BlueScorpio]

you can only do so much to reassure someone, she needs to love herself and be comfortable with her because the love from you just isn't enough. This break up might actually do her some good cause it sounds like she really needs some to some soul searching so can find some inner peace.

So her self esteem issues and your work are two valid issues I'm seeing for the breakup, the one I don't agree with is dropping a relationship/partner when they become sick. You also need to learn that it's impossible to never get sick or injured, people are human beings with bodies that are capable of breaking down at some point. In the future there might come a time when you get injured or sick and will want your future girlfriend or wife to be there and take care of you, not run off the second you're ill.

My husband has seizures and each time I was there for him and he took care of me when I had covid. A real relationship is when the two of you can depend on each other through sickness and health.

Now that's out of the way uou need to be honest, tell her your job is requiring you to move and that you tried everything to make her feel loved but she needs to start doing that for herself. Do it in nicest manner possible and sure she understands.

[Changiis07]

Do you love her just as much if she wasn't so hard on herself or have all these sicknesses? It isn't good to rely on others for their happiness that is for sure but if you no longer see yourself with her then make it clear to her. I think that there isn't much you can say when they aren't changing their negative thinking. Your responses weren't bad more like you are there helping her not feel so bad about herself but it boils down to her wanting to change. No one else can tell her things if she doesn't start talking to her in a nicer way and loving herself more. Just give her some encouraging words and hope she prays about it. The Lord can heal all, he can give us piece and happiness once we start looking for him and talking to him

[Aaron93]

"the lord" has also created serial killers and cancer by the way

[Exterminatore]

Cancer yes. Serial killers, no. God doesn’t make anyone sin.

I see no problem here.

[Aaron93]

@Exterminatore People are serial killers due to the make-up of their brain. It's not a taught thing. So if you believe God is the almighty creator of everything, he also created serial killers, pedo's, all of them creeps

[Exterminatore]

Is it a make up of the brain or a seared conscience?

I say it’s a condition of the heart and disposition of the soul.

Psychopaths are known to compulsively lie. Since when is lying a symptom of a mental illness?

Since when is killing other humans for fun a mental illness?

If a serial killer killed your mom or wife, they should not be punished. After all, they were born that way and can’t help it. It’s not their fault. Sound legit?

And so what if God hypothetically created them? He created the very devil himself. Is not God sovereign over everything?

[Anonymous]

Most of the hard work involved in difficult conversations is related to preparing yourself and keeping yourself calm. Once you feel prepared, it’s time to dive in. Remember, if you can maintain calm and focus during the conversation, even when things seem out of control, you retain your power and help calm other people, too.

1. Validate their emotions.
2 Address the problem.
3 Don't dole out false praise.
4. Don't do the work for them.
5. Set boundaries.
6. Prioritize your own well-being.

It is normal for people with low self-esteem to expect their partner may be attracted to someone else or fear they will leave the relationship.

Sometimes it's possible to stay friends for life and sometimes it isn't. Over time, your interests, activities, and view of life change, and your friends' do too! To make a friendship last, you have to be ready to adapt and make an effort. Here are some ideas on how to make your friendships last a long time!

Good luck.

[Vegasrunner]

Hate to break this to you but no matter what you do you will be considered the bad guy. This is just one of those relationship double standards. You only have two choices.

1. Rip the band aid off. - Call her tell her it's over, say bye and hang up. (She's going to call back a million times because women always need to have their say)

2. Ghost her - Go about your business and never talk to her again. (She's going to stalk you and people are going to attempt to discredit your character.)

[Summeroflove]

Well. If you’re not happy with her. She won’t be either. This sucks but you’re just gonna have to tell her.

[Guy13]

make sure as you do not want to live to regret it.

[juene]

This is going to break her. She will be in so much pain. Make sure she has family or friends who will look after her.

My opinion is based on my experience. My ex boyfriend and I were together for 7 years and he fell out of love. I had low self esteem, I always rely on him, I loved him so much which is not a good thing. Being dependent and making someone the reason to live. It was very painful yes, like the heart is being stabbed multiple times everyday, memories will haunt her every night, especially if you leave while she still loves you.

You must prepare for this as well. But choosing yourself is not a bad thing either.

What was the aftermath of the breakup for me? I was devastated. The pain was terrible. But I have friends and family who supported me.

Little by little as days passed by I began to see the positive outcomes. I was able to learn how to be independent, confident and happy on my own.

Time will help her heal. But she won't be the same girl anymore. She will mature from experience. And she will realize it has to happen, so she can find her true self.

Good luck! 👍🏼

[Alwayreckles93]

I would be supportive and say yes break up with your girlfriend if she was violent or horrible to you. But seriously breaking up with her is a heart less thing to do. She has medical issues and it's normal for her to have this emotions she's human. Why would you even bother dating her if you knew about her health issues. You only got her hopes up and hurt her. I feel sorry for your girlfriend I really do.

[EmpressBree]

I'm sorry you're having to go through this but the best thing is to be honest and I know that's hard I'm kind of in a similar situation but and I know people hear this all the time but she's really got to go inward look inside herself and learn to love who she is because right now she's so blinded to the fact that it's even causing you so much stress and heartache and things like this are never easy but sometimes you have to do what's best for you. And I know that is easier said than done because you sort of have a sense of responsibility for that person especially when you know that they're going through something the best advice is just be honest and keep your head up and don't give up things will work out somehow

[Aaron93]

Bro unless you're in a 5+ year, deeply comitted and serious relationship with strong mutual love for each other, it's not even worth it in my opinion.

Besides, you've said that you have tried hard to change the situation and failed, on top of that you're attraction has faded and your work has deteriorated. You've tried, it's probably a lot more than others would have done in your situation. This seems like an easy choice.

You only live once, at the end of the day when something just doesn't feel right or seems hopeless, you have to think about yourself.

Am I an asshole for thinking this way?

[Anonymous]

Tell her this relationship isn't working for you anymore. You're not a therapist and she needs professional help. Tell her she's not ready for a relationship until she learns to love herself which she doesn't and you can't wait around for her to get on board and be better. Tell her maybe being dumped will be the driving impetus that pushes her to get some proper help. Then go, don't look back, don't stay in touch. Any continued contact is giving her false hope. Move on cleanly.

[Staximus]

Tell her you feel like you've tried to make her happy but she's not trying to make herself happy, and that she needs to start building herself back up instead of tearing herself down mentally and physically. Tell her it's sink or swim, time to start swimming because she's dragging you down with her.

[likelyOK]

If you are really bad with confrontation maybe write her a long letter and be nice, she sounds like she put you through a lot either she meant to or not that stuff sounds like it takes a toll.

[dustybiker]

As hard as it is.. sometimes we have to do what is best for ourselves. If someone is bringing you down that isn’t healthy for you.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

Please tell her face-to-face; not via text.

[LimitedBenefits101]

Doesn't matter how much she loves you, women will never heal even if they do it will take 2 years before they can get over you, so just dump her buddy.

[Anonymous]

Men caring for women never work, women see those men as weak and feminine. I did for someone and as soon as she got better she left me for other fun-bad boy type guys.

[Makeushiver]

May I ask why you are breaking up then?

[_Just_A_girl_]

Do couples counsel

[Iron_Man]

Don’t throw in the towel work with her

[In_Trance]

you're not gonna do it