How do I build up my self esteem after a breakup?

[Anonymous]

How do I build up my self esteem after being pathetic?

Going through a breakup and feeling very low. I thought this guy was the one! Definitely someone who wasn’t going to hurt me. Call me delusional (because it was only 2 months) but he put up a good front! He chased me, he’s left work to drop me off and take me to the airport, mounted my curtains and tv, installed my ring camera. He cooks for me (I also cook for him). He asked me to be his girlfriend in an extravagant way. He’s always asking my ring size and what kind of ring id want. He even told me he loves me. Three days after the first time he told me he loves me for the first time (and a day after he said it again), he broke up with me. If you see my last posts, he broke up with me because I joked about being a bottle girl. Out of anger and alcohol, I said something very mean to him that I regret when he was standing firm on the breakup. I was and am very confused because h e was just acting so in love and he just up and dumped me over absolutely nothing. To top it off… he’s back on dating apps.

I am so confused and hurt how just ONE WEEK AGO he was waking up at my apartment, using his toothbrush that he keeps here, and kissing me and telling me he loves me before he went to work.

I feel pathetic. I’ve been posting sad breakup stuff on my socials. I’ve reached out to exes for an ego boost but neither of them responded. I realized I need to snap out of it when someone responded to one of my sad breakup posts asking if I’m okay.

How do I build up my self concept and self esteem? I feel soooo pathetic but I know I need to boss up. I’m a 29-year-old attorney and this behavior and self doubt is not becoming. But how do I fix it? How do I rebrand as someone not so pathetic?

[Anonymous]

With care, undo what made you this way.

Something caused you to be mean to people (the time you said something mean to him) it has a root cause, and it's also likely causing other things. As well as low self esteem, normally you should just let yourself grieve about it until you feel that the pressure was released. Don't be afraid of being sad. But about the root cause of being mean to people (I don't know how bad it was what you said to him) see if something hurt you in the past and you may have internalized it. If so, process it, grieve about it for as long as it takes, and let go.

Realize that emotional wounds are real. They take time to heal like physical wounds. The deeper you allow yourself to just be in the painful feeling the sooner it will be over. As opposed to just asking for methods to repress and internalize it. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling bad at the moment.

[Anarcamus]

www.reddit.com/.../

He know about all the others as well as me thinking we were exclusive till April. Not six months ago?

[Bricealan]

I question WHY your lack of self esteem and self concept? You are an attorney, and I assume a practicing attorney, either in private practice as a Criminal or Civil attorney, or with a law firm. For me, and from my POV, I think you have the whole planet by the balls!

HE should be questioning his lack of judgement and foresight, to lose someone like yourself as a life time mate. For whatever reason, many women seem to feel this way after a breakup with someone. You are the one that should be holding your head high with what you have achieved by becoming an attorney with a huge, successful law practice in your future.

[Asker]

Thank you! 🥺 this made me feel so much better ❤️

[Anarcamus]

Just gonna say, don't believe it all...

www.reddit.com/.../

Bet he had no idea I thought I was exclusive with her at the same time.

[Bricealan]

@Anarcamus ? not certain how that applies here? I saw the reddit post... but?

[JustMeL120]

I dont think breaking up with someone over a joke is normal i think that was just an excuse. Something was wrong with him. Succesful women often have to put up with men who have a problem. Often men who have had problems achieving there life goals or own success date successful women. They are unwell just look after yourself

[Asker]

Since having time to think it over, I’ve come to the same conclusion. There was something off because it makes absolutely no sense. He was trying to figure out his next career move while I am in my dream career. He also mentioned more than once that I made more than him, which didn’t matter to me. It is what it is. Just hate that I care so much.

[Anarcamus]

I don't think you love this man honestly. You list all the things he does but nothing else really.

I think you hurt him to push him away because you know you are using him.

[Anarcamus]

I'm curious if you feel like maybe you wanted it to work with this man to get over another one?
While I know people get married that quickly, the first two months are still a chemical stage of romance. This is when it is easiest to miss things.

If you are trying to heal from the past through this person, I would figure out why.

you sound like someone I know personally, all of the details except for the attorney part. This person walked away from 8 years with someone they grew with for something like this and it ultimately failed too.

I wish you the best, and if you ever need to talk just message me.

[mb120101]

you're older so i sound dumb giving advice but I've been cheated on and felt pathetic until I realized we both have decades left in our lives and in the end things will work out. Whats for you will always be for you. I have terrible exes that make me insecure thinking about but I just wasn't for them and i accepted that. Everything happens for a reason. A 30 year old attorney sounds hot anyways

[Asker]

Wisdom has no age. Thank you!

[lightbulb27]

Get the value/lessons learned out of the relationship.

Do what makes you feel good so you rebuild your sense of self. Exercise and meditate to rebuild your body/mind.

Do some learning, help others, connect with others as you feel good again.

start anew... with the new you so you do better this time.

therapy if you can't figure it out or make progress.

stay away from drugs except exercise and good quality chocolate. oh yea, pamper yourself... get a massage.

[Sammyyyypy]

The best way is start loving yourself more, go out meet new people