My narcissist fiancé kicked me out pregnant, will he come back?

[Anonymous]

My fiancé and I dated several years ago and he left out the blue. We reconnected recently and things moved quickly - he wanted to prove he would never leave again. We quickly got engaged and our wedding was planned for this month. 3 months ago we found out I was pregnant - it was unplanned but still a happy surprise as it was always in our plan - just a little sooner than expected! He seemed genuinely happy but my fear of him leaving remained. He has a track record of abruptly ending relationships. Fast forward to 3 weeks ago - we had been having a few minor arguments - I was suffering from major insomnia and sickness in my pregnancy and it made me over-sensitive and perhaps not the easiest of people to be with. We were having a silly argument over text then he told me to leave and go to a hotel. He blocked me, immediately deleted our photos on social and blocked me on there too and sent me an email dumping me and kicking me out the house - I have no family in this country. I begged him to have a conversation face to face and waited up all night but he never came home. His emails became nastier and nastier, he said he didn’t love me and accused me of trapping him etc. the next day I left and got a hotel - I stuck it out for 2 weeks until my next baby scan and now I’m back in Europe with family. I’m confused and devastated. I was blindsided - the night before we had a beautiful date night and made love. It makes no sense. He’s a textbook narc. My therapist say I will never understand because he has a disorder and it’s no good trying to relate. He continues to send me abusive emails and is so cruel. He says he wants to be in baby’s life and will support me when baby is born. I know this sounds crazy but I want my family to be together. We haven’t spoken in almost a week - he hasn’t checked on me since I left the US. Do you think he will come around and realize what he’s lost? Is this just a freak out? I’m so confused how a man could do this.

[SueShe]

Even if he wants to come back (and he will), YOU should not allow it. Are 2 negative experiences with him not sufficient for you to realize that he is a manipulative person?

He will do anything, make you all the promises he can just to break them later again. You can never trust a narcissistic person. How do you think you will react next time it happens? You would be so devastated and it would take you months if not years to get over it.

You must stop being so sentimental about him because he will misuse this feeling and he will drop you again the next time you have an argument. You owe it to yourself to make a clear cut. If you don't you will always live with a sword of Damocles over your head.

He is an abusive person and you know it. React accordingly and don't hope he will change. He will never change. Guaranteed.

[Asker]

I agree. In many ways I feel better to find out than after we were married. Thanks for reminding of that. Leopards don’t change their spots.

[SueShe]

You are right and I am glad that you realize it. Take your (future) baby and raise him without having the fear that someday, something may happen that is out of your control. Good luck to you.

[Asker]

Thank you 🙏

[Pinay_ako]

Never ever take him back. He’s not going to change. You deserve what you tolerate. Having a child ain’t going to make him stay with you either. So DO NOT allow him back in your life for your sake!

[ImalwaysrightOK]

Nothing anybody can say until you realize you cannot make a life with this person. You made the mistake of getting back together the first time and planning a marriage and getting pregnant with this person who you correctly describe as a narcissist. Now, you have to live with the consequences, but don't make it worse by hoping to marry this abusive guy.

[Asker]

The baby is a blessing not a ‘mistake’ something beautiful came out of this horrible mess so please don’t say that.
But I agree, I cannot marry him. It will happen again. I know I have to focus on myself and the baby

[ImalwaysrightOK]

I didn't mean your baby was a mistake, I'm sorry I phrased that wrongly, but what I meant was choosing this man to be father to your baby was a mistake.

[Avicenna]

That was abusive and completely unacceptable behavior on his part. You don't want to give him more chances to do it to you and your child. Move on without him.

[Asker]

I know you’re right. 100%. He has abused me to the point of physical illness since this and just doesn’t care. If it weren’t for this beautiful little baby I’d be done, but still a part of me wants him to come back so we can be a family, even though I’m sure he would leave me again. I’m driving myself crazy. I wish I could move on more easily

[Avicenna]

Make the brave move and move on. You will be traumatized if you give him another chance.

[SeriouslyFunny00]

I just read one sentence and already knew the answer. Why would you even want this insane guy to come back? Think about you and your child's future with him. Don't let your child grow up with that kind of person.

[Anonymous]

someone that loves you would not kick you out of the house nor let you leave the country with their unborn child if he actually cared and wanted to be in the child's life... come on. this dude is no good!

[Nikki1989]

You need to remove him from your life. He is not worth your time.

[EpicSnail]

As much as I sympathize with you, it really irks me that women go out of their way to date shitty men. It is so predictable.

[Lenanolena]

Men do the same with women

[Anonymous]

You might want to check the laws in your area. In some areas people can't just suddenly kick you out without good reason. You actually have some weeks to actually find a place before your forced to leave. In my city you have a 6 weeks notice.