Why would he say “ I fervently believe that you’ll meet more suitable guy soon”?

[Anonymous]

It sounded very final. He broke things off because we wanted different things.

Updates

+1 y

Bump

[KingslayerC]

We don't know everything he is thinking, but we all know that this guy is trying to get away from you, but is being nice about. The way you have been neurotic about your questions and comments on this site is probably a good indication of your behavior that pushed him away. I'm genuinely trying to be helpful and not make fun of you. You need to work on yourself and stop dwelling on this guy.

P. s. "suitable guy" means a guy that can accept your personality. He cannot. Pressuring him to accept you for another round is not going to end well for either of you. Let him go, and you will feel better.

[Asker]

I accepted his decision. If maintained strict nc. Also he was the one pursuing me and carrying our conversation wtc. Despite me asking a lot of questions here I’ve otherwise been calm with him lol

[KingslayerC]

What does "wtc" stand for? And okay, I have no choice but to believe you. But still, your perception may be a bit distorted. If you're right and I'm wrong, then it means he wasn't attracted to you, physically. I don't know and don't care what you look like, but you may want to reflect on that instead, and consider he means that another [suitable] guy would be attracted to you, but he wasn't.

[Asker]

Etc* it was a typo

[Asker]

We did have differences in life goals so it could just be that reason alone

[KingslayerC]

He would have very specifically communicated those differences and allowed for compromise or alignment between you two. Someone who actually wants to be with you will always give the chance to align on goals.

In the end, you're going to believe what you want to believe, so I'm not trying to convince you of anything. I'll just leave with one final comment. People that are willing to self-reflect, grow, learn and improve are nearly unanimously happier than those who don't. There are exceptions for the "ignorance is bliss" crowd, but you're clearly not the type for that.

[Asker]

This is only your opinion

[Asker]

Also of he wasn’t attracted to me why would he bother to ask me during the date if i had kids would I want to work or stay at home? Who asks that if they’re not attracted?

[KingslayerC]

Maybe he was attracted to you and then we're back to the first point. He didn't like something about your personality. Or maybe he was making conversation. We don't know. But we do know he isn't interested. Very good luck to you, ma'am.

[Asker]

If he didn’ t like my personality why did he say it was very nice to get to know me and I’m very nice person?

[Asker]

I think the reason was when I told him My sream is to move abroad after 10 years

[KingslayerC]

Because he was being nice to you. People tend to do that. And you can like parts of someone's personality while not being attracted to the person overall.

[KingslayerC]

No. One in a million chance this affected him in any way. I have to stop replying now, because it seems like you're trolling. Or completely unwilling to accept reality. Either way, this chat isn't helpful anymore. Have a good one ✌️

[Asker]

If he wasn’t attracted to me why it was hard for him to look at me while talking to me and during one silent moment his legs started to shake

[Gent207-2]

Then sounds like it was better this train wreck ends before it begins. I would strongly advice to not contact him until your feelings have been processed and you have accepted the new reality that he is no longer in your life

[Asker]

What do you mean by this train wreck?

[Gent207-2]

If you two want different things in life home.
he wants kids vs. you don't or
he wants to be the sole money-maker vs. you don't want to be a stay at home wife.
Etc.
Such differences can be the beginning of a long and painful end to a relationship that never should've been.

[Asker]

He told me our future plans don’t align and for. I asked him what plans didn’t align he said ”our goals just in general level don’t align ”.

[Asker]

He didn’t even tell me what it was

[Gent207-2]

His obscurity is a red flag
You dodged a bullet

[Asker]

What does his obscurity tell about?

[Gent207-2]

It begs questions to his motives and ability to tell the whole truth in a tactful manner.
Message me so we can discuss this further

[Asker]

I messaged you

[Anonymous]

How many times must you post this? I know I’ve personally commented more than once and you never ever listen. You just want to be miserable at this point and waste peoples time trying to help you with this situation.

[provokeesmokee]

Because he does believe you'll find someone better fitting than him. And he's cushioning the blow.

Yeah, you're done. Move on.

[Asker]

Better fitting? As in I’m not good enough for him?

[BoopBoopBeep]

Of course you're not good enough for him (in his eyes) that's why he broke up with you. Nobody is like "wow this is the perfect partner let me end THAT ist"

But it doesn't matter what HE thinks, because he's gone now. So focus on what the next guy thinks of you.

[slatyb]

That's a typical thing to say when breaking up with someone. It's the same as "It's not you, it's me."

[Asker]

But he said the word ”fervently” like he strongly believes that that. Does it mean he won’t regret his decision? Does he feel he’s not good enough or something?

[slatyb]

He probably won't regret it. That's life.

[Asker]

Why do you think so?

[BoopBoopBeep]

This seems a pretty straight forward sentence. I'm not sure which part of this you want to overthink. He just classed up "it's not you it's me" to something that's slightly less cliche.

In the end, whatever he meant, does it change anything?

[DermalPunch]

He broke up. If he comes back, you are just for assing the time. It's time to move on and heal.

[DermalPunch]

Passing. He doesn't want you. Stay gone and kept your dignity.

[Asker]

Yeah but he said because of different goals. He could change his mind about that

[DermalPunch]

Listen sweetie. Men dontleave women they want. Different goals is just code for I am not interested. You are no longer attractive to me. Please just move on. If he were to "change his mind" it would be just out of boredom or horniness.

[Asker]

How do you know it was just a code? We did have differences

[DermalPunch]

I really have done all I can. Take care.

[California_Poppy]

I think he's just trying to be nice. He's saying your a good catch, just not for him.

[California_Poppy]

You're *

[Asker]

Does it mean he feels sorry for me lol?

[California_Poppy]

No, I don't think so based on what you've said here.
I think it's just a well intentioned breakup line.

[Asker]

When he said he fervently believes that I’ll meet more suitable guy was it same as he’s aware that I’ll attract guys easily?

[California_Poppy]

He just means he really believes that. He just emphasizes to be nice.
I think you are overthinking it a little bit.

[Asker]

Why would he really think that?

[Asker]

I feel like I’m destined to be alone..

[California_Poppy]

I have no idea but you are definitely over thinking it.
Try not to stress about it. Put that energy into yourself and finding someone new.
It sucks when you really like a guy, and Im sorry you are feeling down on yourself, but just keep putting yourself out there and the right one will come along.

[BoopBoopBeep]

You won't always be alone. You will have a long series of very short relationships because the next man will soon get tired of answering the same question every week and you just rephrasing it over and over again because you don't like the answer like you do on here. Again. And again.

[California_Poppy]

How long were you guys together

[Asker]

We were talking daily for 2 months and only met once

[California_Poppy]

How did you guys meet? How did the date go? Did you sleep together?

[Asker]

We met through online. It was coffee date and it lastef 1,5hours. We had a lot to talk about. For some reason he made very little eye contact during the date. At one short silent break his legs started to shake but then it went away. No we didn’t sleep together

[California_Poppy]

Okay, so based on all of this information, I am just going to be straight up and let you know that will not see or hear from this guy again.

For whatever reason, this guy does not want to be with you. It could be for so many different reasons. Maybe your life goals don't align, maybe your personality is not a match, maybe he's not physically attracted to you, maybe he was just looking to sleep with you, maybe he met someone else, etc. As strangers who were not there, all we can do is try to speculate. But at the end of the day, the result is the same... He's gone, and I am confident that after 6 weeks, he's not coming back.

I know that's not easy to hear and I'm sorry. It sucks. You probably really liked him and thought he liked you too. But at the end of the day, you are just not a match. We've all been there.

I'm not saying that to try hurt you. I'm saying that to try to help you.
It's okay to be a little discouraged about it and maybe a little heartbroken. You can have a good cry over it or process it however you see fit, but then you have to accept that fact. You have to find the strength to put those feelings aside and find the courage move on. When you are ready, put yourself back out there and try again. I promise you that you will be wasting your time if you try to wait for this guy or if you get hung up on him.

Again, I know that might be hard to hear, and I'm sorry, but I do hope it will help you in the long run.

I wish you the best of luck. It's not easy to put yourself out there, so good on you. Dont let this discourage you from trying again. 🧡

[mommymommymommy]

He's wishing you well in your future endeavors. It's like an employer firing his worker

[Asker]

Do you think he didn’t felt anything for me and won’t change/ regret his decision?

[mommymommymommy]

He likely did, and just sort of stopped.

[Asker]

He said our life goals are different and for that reason thought we shouldn’t continue to date. When I asked him what plans didn’t align. He said ” just in general level they don’t align. I wish you all the best”

[mommymommymommy]

Yeah, he's basically saying, it's not gonna work

[Asker]

Why didn’t he say what didn’t align

[mommymommymommy]

that it's probably implied. That you two just have too different of whatever you're wanting

[Asker]

Why he didn’t try to see if compromise could’ve made?

[mommymommymommy]

Because often times, there is none. He likely looked at it and said, it's not worth it.

[Asker]

Does it mean he won't miss me and/or changes his mind?

[mommymommymommy]

I mean, you're an ex, im sure he'll miss you. but, that's what dating is for, you just go through and see what's right for you

[Asker]

It’s been 6 weeks since we’ve talked last time and I have strong urge to text him :/

[mommymommymommy]

best to just move on

[Asker]

Would it be desperate if I messaged him?

[mommymommymommy]

yeah

[Asker]

If he messages me again should I give him second chance?

[mommymommymommy]

nope. he already said bye

[Asker]

Yeah but he said because of different goals…

[mommymommymommy]

exactly. it's time to move on

[Asker]

But he could change his mind about that

[mommymommymommy]

nope, men are usually pretty clear on that sort of thing

[Asker]

What do you mean?

[mommymommymommy]

I'm saying, you need to move on. JUST MOVE ON

[Alex8736]

sounds like this was going through his mind for a while

[Asker]

Why do you think so?

[Asker]

Did he felt inadequate or something?

[Alex8736]

my best guess would be differences of opinions

[Asker]

Do you think it’s possible he’ll miss me? Why did he used to word fervently?

[Alex8736]

Most likely he just needs space and the best bet for you would leave him be and if or when he is ready to have a civil conversation with you he will reach out but until then just focus on goals and yourself making sure your own needs are met

[Asker]

He basically told me to move on. Would guy say that if he just needed space….

[Alex8736]

The million dollar question is if you DO move on watch how fast he might try pulling a guilt trip like "I feel our relationship really didn't mean anything to you" trying to sabotage your new relationship with false hopes that things really can work out but history has a way of repeating itself

[Asker]

So you don’t think he really meant that?

[Alex8736]

People are so confusing nowadays it's almost impossible to know what is going through their minds

[Asker]

How long will it usually for a guy to take to miss a girl and reach out? Last time we talked was 6 weeks ago..

[KingslayerC]

he's moved on after six weeks.

[Asker]

@KingslayerC don’t some guys come back even after much longer than 6 weeks?

[KingslayerC]

If it was an LTR, they might. Rarely though. But since it wasn't an LTR, the odds of him coming back are one in a million. You will meet another dude in the meantime. Especially if you work on yourself.

[KrakenAttackin]

He wants to open distance between you and him as quickly as possible.

[Asker]

Why? Does it mean he won’t regret his decision?

[Asker]

Does he feel he’s not good enough or something?

[KrakenAttackin]

Whatever the reason, he has finished the "Closest Point of Approach" and now wants to "open datum".

[Asker]

Sorry I didn’t get it

[KrakenAttackin]

He is done, moving on.

[Asker]

He said he fervently believe that I’ll meet more suitable guy was it same as he’s aware that I’ll attract guys easily?

[Blueeyes81]

Because he's not interested.