He said ”you’ll find someone more compatible” what does he mean when he knew I’m interested in him?

[Anonymous]

Is he insecure or something?

[nitsuj86]

It means he is not interested in you.

Men are taught to be gentle with women / not hurt their feelings our whole lives. IF we are in the position to turn you down, we will try and make it not about what we know will hurt your feelings.

He can't just tell you. I'm not attracted to you, I don't want to date you, you annoy men, etc.. Because you will cry, tell all your friends, and he will become an asshole for simply not wanting to date you. Could also ruin his chances with any of your friends that he actually does like.

You shot your shot, he turned you down politely. I would take the L and move on, if you keep pushing you will get the answer that you don't want to hear, and you will deserve all of the feelings that come with that.

If he liked you he would date you or at least pursue you. He is telling you that you will find someone that loves you the way you want to be loved, because he is not able to do that.

[Asker]

He said that after our first date. He also said I have a good heart. He didn’t want to continue to date because our life goals were different. Still I dont know if he felt something for that’s more than platonic… what do you think?

[nitsuj86]

Sounds like he just isn't that into you. Didn't feel the "spark". Not attracted to you.

OR you said something about your future plans, that don't align with his. Or something that turned him off, made him think badly of you.

Good heart is code for you are nice, but I don't want to fuck you, so this isn't going to work

[Asker]

During the date we were talking about what we wanted in the future. I told him like after 10 years I would’ve wanted to move abroad to a more warmer country ( in my mind I was thinking possibly if we have kids then with our kids to another country)
I also talked about how I would like to get better job in the future and study more. did I make the impression that I don’t want to have kids in the near future? I think he wanted kids soon and said he wants big family. I did told him earlier I want several kids too..

[nitsuj86]

I'd say you need to just get over it, and not worry about what you said "wrong". You told him what you wanted, he did not agree for whatever reason.

Just move on.

[Asker]

Do you think his reason was genuine though?

[nitsuj86]

Probably not. I already explained that to you though. In general, men don't give a shit unless you said something that he really didn't like.

If you were the woman he wanted to be with, he wouldn't care where you 2 live. He might have a preference, but he would just want to be with you.

When men truly like you, you will know it. They will pursue you, they will ask to see you again, they will do whatever they have to to be with you. If he is giving you excuses this early.

He either is dating multiple women, and you are just something to do on a Thursday night, or he went out with you and it just didn't click. He doesn't like you.

[Asker]

How can he know for sure I’m the woman he wants when we only went out once

[nitsuj86]

Most likely, you aren't attractive enough. He saw you in person, and you weren't his type.

OR you were really annoying / didn't enjoy talking to you.

Have you ever turned down a man that asked you out? Or swiped left on someone on Tinder?

How did you know they weren't the man for you? Without going on a date? I would say at least he gave you a shot, and you failed. Might not even be your fault, but here you are trying to make it work.

Get over it. Stop dwelling on what this one guy thinks of you. Find someone that wants you.

[Asker]

Lol I think you’re old pathetic woman disguised as a man

[Asker]

I believe it was because if life goals like he said

[nitsuj86]

Lol ok lady. Whatever you need to tell yourself to sleep at night.

[EricSummer]

It's a polite way to decline your offer. He means he does not want you as a girlfriend, but that does not imply you are generally not attractive. He reassures you at the same time that there is someone out there for you who fits better to you.

At least he made it quite clear. There is really no nice way of saying this.

[Asker]

He said the reason was because of our different life goals. He gave me compliments same time how I’m very nice and have a good heart and it was very nice to get to know me. I just don’t understand..

[Asker]

How am I attractive if he rejected me?

[EricSummer]

It seems you are not used to rejection. For a young man it would be nothing special.
I'm sure there are lots of guys who would want you as their girlfriend, but this guy is simply not among them.
He just wraps the rejection in a compliment - that you can easily find another. Likely he's right about that.

[Asker]

So when he sais I’ll find soon more compatible guy is he porbably saying that I can easily find a guy or he actually feels sorry for me? It felt quite patronizing..

[EricSummer]

It can be both at the same time, can't it? I agree that it is patronizing.
Anyway, time to move on either way.

[Asker]

When I asked what future plans didn’t align he said ” in general they just don’t align”

[Asker]

He even said may god bless you lol (he’s religious by the way)

[provokeesmokee]

You're not a good fit for him, and he's not a good fit for you.

He means exactly what he says.

Basically, you're not his type and you aren't going to be.

So accept it and move on.

You're not going to be everyone's type. There doesn't need to be anything wrong with either of you for that. Chill.

[Asker]

The reason he have me wad that our future plans don’t align

[itsalyssaagain]

He doesn’t want to be with you but doesn’t want to be harsh or mean about it.

[Asker]

He said we can’t continue because of different life goals.

[itsalyssaagain]

I’d say don’t waste your time on him he’s not interested. Sorry.

[Asker]

So you don’t think he was genuine?

[itsalyssaagain]

I don’t know much. You can message me if you want and we can talk about it if you tell me exactly what happened? Im Muslim too so I get things.

[Asker]

Ok, I’ll message you

[OlderAndWiser]

He knows you are interested, so why are you assuming there is something wrong with him? He's not interested in you and letting you know that - indirectly, and obviously TOO indirectly. He doesn't want you and he's telling you to move on 'cause it's not gonna happen with him.

[Asker]

He said we can’t continue because of different life goals. He didn’t tell me what exactly didn’t align

[Asker]

We went out and after that he said our future plans don’t align

[OlderAndWiser]

It doesn't matter. He doesn't want you and he is not required to give you a reason that you deem to be satisfactory. In fact, he is not required to give you a reason at all. You don't always get satisfying closure and that's just the way it is. Just accept it and move forward.

[OlderAndWiser]

It was a mistake for him to go out with you after rejecting you. Was he just trying to have sex with you?

[Asker]

No he rejected me after the date

[OlderAndWiser]

Move on!

[BoopBoopBeep]

A bunch of people are interested in me. They aren't my type or they lack a characteristic I deem essential. We're not compatible. I don't want them to die in a fire, it just ain't happening. They're still cool people, so I hope they find someone more compatible. What's the hard part about this? You're overthinking it.

[Asker]

He said we can’t continue because of different life goals. He didn’t tell me what exactly didn’t align

[Asker]

It wasn’t because of those reasons that you mentioned

[BoopBoopBeep]

My different life goal can be i want to get laid before marriage and you don't. It could be you want to live in the mountains and he's a beach guy. It doesn't matter which it is, he's not interested in you.

I don't OWE you an explanation of WHICH "life goals" those are. I'm an adult breaking up with you not your life coach or shrink. It's nicer to say it that way than curse you out and call you names. Take the hint.

If you know it wasn't because of the reasons I mentioned then you know what the reason is so why are you asking?

[Asker]

I suspect it was about me wanting to move abroad but why didn’t he just say it..

[Asker]

Otherwise to me it sounded like he was making an excuse

[BoopBoopBeep]

Sure that was probably part of it. Why does it have to be only one thing? It's likely a whole bunch of them... HENCE... why we are not compatible.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Yeah... people make excuses. You're at least 30 years old... I mean... not seen that before?

[Asker]

He said the reason was our life goals

[BoopBoopBeep]

Well there's your answer. Move on.

[crossdressingrihno]

It’s another variation of “I just don’t think we’re compatible”
It’s basically a way to reject someone without upsetting anyone.

[Asker]

He said we can’t continue because of different life goals.

[BCRanger10]

He's trying to let you down easy. Or that's at least the most likely reason.

[Asker]

What do you mean by ”let me down easy”

[BCRanger10]

He's trying to reject you, but doing so either indirectly or otherwise in a way that won't hurt as bad.

[Asker]

We went out once. After that he said said we can’t continue because of different life goals. He didn’t tell me what plans didn’t align

[Blueeyes81]

No, he's giving you a soft rejection. Instead of stating why he isn't interested in you he took the easy road with another version of " it's not you it's me."

[Asker]

Why are you sure it was just an excuse?

[Blueeyes81]

You don't get rejected often do you? Because its always an excuse. He'd be branded a dick if he said "you're boring", "unattractive" etc and it would get ugly. Saying "you'll find someone more compatible" is textbook for an easy way of letting a person down. I much prefer a hard rejection as it doesn't insult my intelligence. He gave you an easy pill to swallow so he could avoid drama.

[Exterminatore]

He’s rejecting you. That’s what he means. Girls are funny. They can’t handle rejection.

[Asker]

We went out once. After that he said said we can’t continue because of different life goals. He didn’t tell me what exactly didn’t align

[Exterminatore]

Either he’s saying you want one thing in life, he wants another and they are not comparable, or that your personality is not beneficial for where he is trying to go in life.

He’s letting you down easy.

You’re a girl. How many times have you made lame excuses to reject a guy? You never hear of a girl rejecting a guy by saying: “thanks but no thanks, you’re not my type.” You ladies make excuses and give guys the run around until they figure it out instead of being direct.

Here, this guy was point blank. I don’t see what you’re confused about. He was probably honest and let you down easy.

[Asker]

We did discuss about our life goala during the date. Why do you think his reason was just an excuse?

[Asker]

What do you mean by “let you down easy”

[Exterminatore]

I’m not saying his reason is an excuse. It could be, but it sounds to me like he was being up front and honest.

Let you down easy: meaning not ghost you, not give you the run around, not be mean spirited. He was open and honest, at least that’s how it sounds.

If it is just an excuse, he let you down easy by not being brutal in rejecting you, by sparing your feelings.

You’re not for everyone just like everyone isn’t for you.

[Asker]

If he was open and honest why didn’t he want to tell me what plans didn’t align?

[Exterminatore]

Did you ask?

[Asker]

Yeah and he said ” just in general level they don’t align”

[RHK36]

Did you sleep with him?

[Asker]

No I didn’t

[RHK36]

So he's looking for someone that'll put out. You didn't, so not compatible. Most likely is what happened.

[Asker]

He seemed religious (he’s muslim) and I’m muslim too so obviously there’s no sex before marriage

[RHK36]

I see why he moved on now

[Asker]

Why?

[springxxx]

Maybe he doesn't think he's right for you?

[Asker]

Yeah I think so too but how can I change his mind?

[springxxx]

I don't think it's possible to change his mind because some people just have their own preference... but maybe if he really loves you he wouldn't mind about the lack of compatability in his mind. Maybe tell him how much you like him and how you think he's compatible for you

[Asker]

He said we can’t continue because of different life goals. He didn’t tell me what exactly didn’t align

[MannMitAntworten]

It means he is not interested.

[Anonymous]

He friend zoned you.

[Asker]

He said the reason was because of our different life goals. He gave me compliments same time how I’m very nice and have a good heart and it was very nice to get to know me. I just don’t understand..

[Opinion Owner]

You could always ask again, but its probably best for you to move on.

[Asker]

When I asked what future plans didn’t align he said ” in general they just don’t align”

[Opinion Owner]

That's a clear sign its best to move on.

[Asker]

Why do you think so?

[Opinion Owner]

Like he said, plans just don't align.

[Asker]

What that comment means though?

[Asker]

Like is he genuine or just making excuse

[Opinion Owner]

I say genuine.

[Asker]

It’s hard for me to believe it when he didn’t say what it was..

[Opinion Owner]

You need to accept it and move on.

[Asker]

But just answer that question:/ how is genuine when he didn’t tell me the reason?

[Asker]

:))?

[Opinion Owner]

I really don't know, sorry.

[Asker]

You aren’t helpful at all..

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆