I’m losing my damn mind, what’s going on?

[Anonymous]

Long story short; boyfriend (33) and I (28) decided to take a month break. We have been together for 3.5 years and were living together for almost a year.

I decided to move to another state to stay with family during that time. It wasn’t clear what the true intention of the break was, the only thing that was made clear was that we will not hook up with anyone during it and that we will remain in contact everyday.

I have asked my boyfriend, if we are still a couple but taking space for ourselves or if we are broken up.
He tells me one minute he absolutely wants to be with me and he wants to use this month apart to create a fresh start in the relationship indicating that breaking up isn’t the plan at all but then changes the script and says he wants to use the month to figure out if he still wants this relationship.

From face value I know it’s clear he doesn’t know what he wants, but he won’t admit that. I’d prefer him to say that, so I can just let him go

Because I know I want him, I know I want to work together to find healthier ways to communicate and to fulfill each others needs. Whats the point of talking about ways we can be there for each other if we possibly won’t have the opportunity to actually implement and try them.

Should I give up while I’m ahead? It seems cruel for me to hold out on hope just for him to be like nah I don’t want this but we can still bE fRiEnDs. Nothing hurts more than a dragged out breakup.

[SnowedIn]

If you're keeping contact every day that's not a break. If it's going to be a break then it needs to be a break. Also your boyfriend is an idiot. If you're working on something it's not a break. So if it's taking stock of it and deciding whether to continue, that's a break.

But, bottom line: breaks signify a problem -- with the relationship and with maturity. You either work it out or you break up. Breaks delay with of those two things -- they don't inform or help.

[Asker]

Thank you, I absolutely agree with you.

I made two things clear for him;

1.) I am willing to do this separation if it ends with us coming back together to implement the new strategies that we discuss/reflect on during our time apart and have an overall healthier direction moving forward.

2.) If this “break” is for him to decide if he even wants to resume the relationship at all that I’m going to cut my losses and just move on because I’m not wasting another second on someone who isn’t sure they want me. It’s been almost 4 years already.

When I ask for clarification, he says he really wants me and for this to work but then on the same token he also seems very vague and says “we will see at the end of the month” (kinda feels like he’s trying to string me along, because he doesn’t want to lose contact with me)

Personally I feel it’s pointless to just talk if we don’t have the chance to put our new realizations into action. How can he know it won’t work if we don’t get a chance to try, ya kno?

Thank you for your time and insight I greatly appreciate it SnowedIn 💙

[SnowedIn]

Thanks for your kind and thoughtful words: very much appreciated.

Best wishes with this -- I like the way you're thinking about it.

[SnowedIn]

Thank you for MHO.

[Drumlin2001]

Why is it his choice? What do you want? If you want to leave then tell him it's over

[Asker]

Because I want him. He doesn’t seem sure if he can do his part in filling my cup as much as I fill his cup. (He has a lot of self struggles he needs to work on) I can’t force him to be with me which is why it’s ultimately up to him if we work out since I need his participation.

[boggboss]

Thats upto u I'm always of the mindset if I need a break I'm ending it then and their