a few months back me and my boyfriend we were in a middle of a breakup and when we were broken up, I was going to his friend for help since I don't have any friends and he could somewhat keep me in contact with him.
eventually my boyfriend decided to finally have me stop waiting for him to make a decision since mine was always clearly to keep trying with him and he left me. I have a lot of anxiety and depression and I took some random pill to help with that and after I decided to drink and I could barely remember anything going on from so much emotion. I went to his friends house.. I regret it I didn't think he was going to use me after he realized I wasn't taken anymore. I couldn't stop him from doing anything I felt frozen in place I couldn't even spit out one coherent word.
When my boyfriend knew this he stopped being friends with him and stayed in contact with me and he apperantly still had a lot of feelings for me and so did I and I wanted to just forget all the bad stuff and be with him but he's having a hard time moving on. That makes me so upset because I can't even help him get better I really need advice to make this right. I don't wanna leave him either I really feel compared to all my older relationships he was the only one I truly felt could last an eternity.
I didn't deal with the most best stuff in my past either so I wanna keep him with me no matter what would happen and a lot has and I still know that I'll stick by his side even if he dies tomorrow I wanna be with him forever. I just don't know what I can do so he doenst think about it everyday even if it's hard. is there anything I can do to fix it? at least so it doesn't cause a break up since yesterday it almost had after a while of being strong together
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
See this is the thing I don't see how u don't view this as rape and how thats not the focus of this I get ubwant to be with your partner but if u got raped which is what u are saying surly that's the focus here
maybe it's important but like I mainly just don't want to loose my boyfriend over this? and it's been 3 days and it has been kinda rocky and im unsure on how to make him feel better
U can't make him feel better he is now having to come to terms with his friend raping his partner and that his partner decided to go to his friends house when taking pills and getting drunk so even if u didn't becoming in a state of unconscious where u couldn't respond sex was always a possibility
I don't know if he belives me. isn't there literally anything I can do? to ease his head a bit? so he's not so upset so he doenst think of it? I'm becoming desperate here lol I dont wanna loose someone over some guy being selfish and doing this to me
like I know I'm fkn stupid and dumb but anything man I don't know what to do I have to somehow help a bit like anything?
it's been 3 days he's been talking about it and since I'm on vacation to see my family I can't even be of comfort to him during this and I don't know how to fix this and it's literally affecting me tryna enjoy the slightest time here because I'm just constantly worried
If u had reported it sure u would have had a actual defence of rape but ofc he is gonna question what really happened that you are ùnable to even call it rape would play on his mind as their are plenty of stories of women that cheat then claim it wasn't their fault I'm not saying that's you but even if it wasn't the choice u made to go to the guys house a drink definitely was your choice and that will play on his mind and no nothing u do can make him forget or not think about it
like should I text him normally? not text? I don't know send happy videos anything? maybe gift him something
obv I can't fkn buy his happiness but maybe something that would make him smile a bit
I honestly have no clue if he wants space or with u near him atm
Lol anything u bought him could look like u are trying to buy his happiness
Like just picture it the girl that got taken advantage off is buying her boyfriend stuff to make him feel better do u not see the issue with that situation
me neither honestly like I don't even have anyone to fkn actually ask advice to like friends apart from this stupid website because woah I no talk to people at all I don't know how to be normal weewoo
Nobody on gag can give u specific answers for him because nobody knows him
Or how he feels or how he thinks all I know is the way your acting if I was him would make me think u are not telling the whole truth here or I'm being played
the time zone from where I'm at he is currently sleeping and it's afternoon here so yeah I don't know what I should do.. I wanted to buy a gift for his bday and have it shipped to his house but will it be too much atm? his bday passed tho and I couldn't celebrate it with him
that's why I haven't yet and I'm scared to have it seem that way
Maybe just send him a card as again buying a gift here would look so fucking sketchy
I didn't wanna cause a huge over it I don't know and yeah now I see it as stupid bit honestly I couldn't see that actually happening to me? I really belive I'm stupid I couldn't see this coming
Most women that get raped I imagine didn't see it coming and saying u don't want to cause a huge situation over this in itself is crazy
by the way this situation happen a few months ago and he has brought it back up. he says he forgives me but I can't see why he forgives me if now a lot of people I've told the story to think it isn't my fault 100% apart from the obv stupid stuff I couldn't fkn see from the stupid fkn cloud of depression in my face
okay I'm really bad at obv like talking and stuff do you know how I can phrase it instead? I feel bad cause like what if I'm wrong? I have a doubting issue man
Because clearly he dont entirely belive the story u told him or he thinks the actions u did played enough a part that u was a active participant
Wrong about what?
I don't know :( I'm sorry
Sorry about what do u even know if he is upset with u?
I don't know why I'm apologizing sorry uhm like I don't know I think it's cause I knew this person? and I didn't wanna cause a huge problem I guess anyways it's kinda to late and even if I did there isn't evidence? but yeah I don't know man
I think so too? and like I don't know what to say I can't just change my mind and say I think it's r*** now? also by the way in sorry if I'm overwhelming with the texts I just feel lonely about this situation and I don't know what to do with myself
Yes it would be hard proving anything now but yeah that is somthing if I was him that would play on my mind as what if it was just sex that u regret
he told me he is upset over it. he brought it up 2 days ago and it's been kinda weird our texts recently this whole thing
Your not overwhelming me clearly he never truly got over and has just been putting on a false front
sorry I did not see this.. a card with like money? I know he wants a book named berserk and I wanted to buy him the first 2 books like 60$ each but I might do 1 cause I dont have a lot of money
Maybe buy it and if it comes up say u had already bought it before he brought it up
yeah that's what I feel he sees it as and I don't get if that's the case how he managed to forgive me for so many months? he's literally the nice to be that's why I'm so scared to loose him every other guy I was with was so sneaky and manipulative and he's the only fkn literal reincarnation of an angel I've ever layed eyes upon?
actually I can say that yeah I'm just scared it might give him a reason tho to wanna leave or something?
I'm not sure and like I said he most likely didn't forgive just tried to not let it bother him
if you were him what would like make you ease it and maybe belive me more? if you want I can share more information or something or I don't know when he wakes up what can I do atm?
this is such a difficult question I get what im asking I'm sorry but I'm fkn desperate I'm so sorry
I feel kinda lonely I wanna talk to someone or him but I feel like I can't and it's starting to get in my head not being able to really talk freely? I don't know my whole life is a fkn mess
I thought about doing bad stuff like fkn killing myself so many times over this and breaking my promise to go smoke cause I promised him. id quit but I can't take the stress anymore and I can't stop crying nowww and someone's gonna know something is wrong too
the more I talk about what happen the worse I feel cause my mind just keeps telling me it's my fault for all this happening to me like I deserve to feel pain? I hate that the one good thing that happens to be has a shit outcome, I try to forget it and just try to appreciate the fact that at least he's willing to be with me and that this stupid rape shit would be worth it but It just keeps fucking hurting me everytime I think about that night and that I felt so stuck and fkn hopeless
Do u not have friends or family u can talk too and don't worry I don't mind talking
Not its not your fault for what hapoened but it is your fault for putting yourself in that situation if that makes sense
not really that's why I trusted his friend so much cause I thought he's understand but no... ahahahwjemdkif
besides that I can't really share with my family, they aren't really the mental help sort of people and I don't have any other friends
Talking to guys about your relationship tends to never be a good idea because u can never trust their intentions
yeah that's what I nean by in stupid qnd dumb cause now obv I can fkn tell what I did wrong but I really didn't before and now I got what was coming I guess? for the lack of knowledge I had?
No it was just more so a terrble choice like I said even if he didn't take advantage off you just going to a guys house and getting drunk when on meds was terrble
yeah I know, I don't know how to explain it I was tryna have myself deprerantly feel better and yeah I don't know what to do with myself now knowing I'm stupid unloved literally everything
Meh now your overthinking just try to speak to him
ik I do that too uhmm what do. i say? when he wakes up obv. should I send him something funny :( we sorta ended on a bad note yesterday. I wanted to like try and fix it but he kinda just told me goodnight after I said I didn't feel too well over how we are gonna end things tonight? I don't know if I was wrong about it
cause people say to not argue over text and to not end on a bad note but it kinda felt impossible? and for the book should I get that? it's named berserk and I think he is reading it online but has mentioned he wanted physical copies of it
Tell me what happend yesterday sorry in more detail so I can get some context
okay so like me the mistake I made was kind of be dry all day since I had a lot in my head and eventually I decided to tell him I'm feeling unwell and he also shared that he is as well over the arguments and his overthinking. After he said that he's not doing a good job as a boyfriend which I think is completely false because I've been happy despite all this going on? he's literally so nice to me and i tried to tell him even if I'm really sad now that's only because I have strong feelings for him. so if I can be super happy over him I can also be super sad and it's a package together and I accept that some day I'm gonna feel like complete garbage
With why would u feel sad over him
and like at some point he wanted to sleep but I feel like I did something stupid just mentioning that I kinda feel unwell still and having a hard time to sleep so I really wanted to talk it out but he just sorta ignored it and went to bed
I see
because we've been sorta dry and I know what's upsetting him and like the talks we had recently never seen to turn into a conclusion? it's always left unfinished
Why is it not something u guys can try to resolve the issues but this is why I say buying him a gift won't fix the situation because what's causing these disagreements will still be their
and like ik I used to be a sorta toxic person closing up easily and never expressing myself but now that I am it just seems it gets worse.. and I dont know how to be a good girlfriend with 0 issues and that's why I'm tryna quit like bad habits, smoking a lot and drinking sh etc like I've been clean on a lot of those things but it's really difficult especially now
yeah that's understandable but also I feel bad not buying him a bday gift now? it was on the 29th and I was on the airplane that day so I didn't even spend the time with him (I didn't choose the dates my dad did)
uhh he woke up and I didn't delete the memes I sent jwjajs I don't know if it bad fuckkk
he liked my message uhhjej should I say goodmorning lol it's rude if I don't
At the end of the day buying him thr gift is fine justvdont do it expecting it to help the situation its a nice gift but thats all
I feel like I need a guide on how to be a normal human girlfriend
I think u need to take a deep breath and stop spazzing out relax stop stressing breath do u want to say good morning
okay perfect idrc as long as it isn't bad cause ik how much he wanted it and he doenst get gifts often and it'll make me happy:3
And I'm not saying this to be mean u are just panicking and its not helping yourself lol
of course I wanna say goodmorning :(
YEAH IK I don't know HOW TO CALM DOWN I ALWAUS OVERTHINK LIKE THIS I MIGHT NEED THERAPY OR SUM
So say it lol
I was gonna address this after u clearly need therapy the way u think and overthink if not now will end your relationship one day
Like think about it your asking aome random pleb online if u should tell your boyfriend goodmorning imagin if I was some dickhead that convinced u not too I would have a negative impact in your relationship believe in yourself u made it to being his partner so clearly u are doing somthing right
damn I don't know I did try some sort of counseling before but all she kept telling me is that I already know everything I need to fkn do and I'm aware of the issue but just that whenever I do anything she asks it doesn't help? I don't know it was a free counseling tho so maybe they weren't giving the whole experience now and my mom forced me out of there cause she doenst trust me telling random people my issues
Like any job u have good councilors and bad ones if a hairdresser fucks your hair up u don't never get ut cut again u look for another one therapy and counselling is the same
yeah but I also done something just terribly wrong so I don't know I feel like it could just be luck at this rate or it isn't enough to be more worth it any longer and I'm just super paranoid but I don't know thanks for not being an asshole tho :(((
maybe when I have money cause I don't have any atm I'm in huge dept :// but I will try too save up ig...:((
I definitely think that would be a good idea
And yes u may have made a mistake but if u guys are going to move forward both of u are going to have to forgive it
he said he has tried but it's hard to and I don't blame him but yeah I don't know how to like find it easy for him to forgive me
U can't do anything for him to forgive u its somthing he has to come to terms with himself
Well I hope it works out
mm sorry I fell asleep but yeah I guess but again I wanna ease his bad thoughts a bit too yk and thanks a lot for dealing with me
Ah thats fine I don't think u will be able to ease his mind
Forever? Dude you slept with his friend just after he didn't spoke to you for a week. 😂😂 Leave him bro it's good for everyone.
sigh, obv your not understanding the situation so much. I didn't wanna straight up say it but it wasn't so consensual the so called "sleeping with him"
but yeah him having ne drink and being under God knows what pill was sooooo funnnnn
Hmm don't know what you're saying... still drunk?
no I'm just tired. dunno what is up with the attitude if you aren't gonna be of help just drop it. I said I was under a pill and alcohol. I never consented to any of the actions and I don't even wanna admit it to myself what happen but I think yk what happen and it's obvious, thanks. either way this is about making things okay with him now. not how much it hurts me being used by someone I trusted thanks :)
Hmm so you being raped?
I don't wanna put the other guy on blast cause I don't know I dont wanna blame people cause people tend to hate that? but I guess? I don't know
it feels weird admitting to this cause this sounds horrible and I don't wanna accept it hahaha 👍😃
You're such a lovely 😘
What's your boyfriend reaction?
what does it mean I'm "such a lovely?"
to the situation? obv he has his doubts occasionally and tells me he does overthink I'll do it again (when he gets the random bad thoughts that I might of done it to seek revenge) which I obviously have not. Other times him thinking of it also upsets him which is valid too
You remind me one my ex friends with benefits we're in same situation...
Lovely - wonderful person ☺️
since again I don't wanna say he did r** me? if I never consented to it and wasn't able to do anything or move would that mean it's on purpose I did it? obv not.. was that an open door for him or something? I don't know either I am still unsure and also since his ex friend was telling him a bunch of lies that I was after a bunch of dudes I don't even know existed? it's a weird situation
You need some counselling. First step to being able to help you to be able to move forward from something like this is being able to admit what happened.
okay? that's a but odd but cool
Ugh @asker moved on so much drama n headache. 😜
@NotInterestedSorry yeah ik I need help but honestly I can just fkn smoke the pain away. I mainly wanna help my boyfriend get over it I'd feel better after that I'm sure
the relationship? again I don't know I rather stay with him so yeah that isn't the option
@asker it won't make the pain go away. You also can't make someone get over something. Especially if this is something that recently happened.
@NotInterestedSorry yeah I understand that it might never fully go but anything that can reassure him or what can we do over time so he can feel better about it cause I hate seeing him sad over it. it has happen a few months ago so yeah its sorta new
Bro leave him he don't deserve this drama wtf 😜😜😜
bro go talk to ur friends with benefits bitch
i ain't giving up because some scum bag wanted to fkn use me. he said he wanted things to work out and I'm trying my hardest for it.
Well he don't deserve someone else's tissue paper...😜
For his good you should stop chasing him...
@Asker don't try and force it to work out. Remember he lost a friend in the process of also finding out what he had done to you. Right now, you have to focus on booking in to get some counselling. You can't help him, until he is ready for the help.
Well said ma'am
But @asker is selfish 😜😜 i bet she can't leave his dick alone 😂😂
@NotInterestedSorry I did some sort of counseling but it wasn't so much of a help. currently I also have to deal with like a lot of dept so I don't know when I can get this counseling that possible won't work for me again?
@bros26 i wouldn't necessarily say she is selfish. when you aren't in the right headspace, you aren't thinking right. Especially if all that is going through your mind is the fear of losing the person who you want to be with me. You don't realise until your head becomes right that you realise why the F did I not back the heck off.
@asker I suggest getting some paper and pen and writing things down on paper. I know first hand for me when going through counselling I struggled to explain shit to the person especially in depth so I figured writing it on paper would help. Sometimes it can take going through multiple counselling sessions to find the right one that actually helps. Personal experience for me.
@NotInterestedSorry I have a diary but yeah thanks for the help I'll try to see what I can do cause I have a lot of money owed atm..
Are you saying that the friend raped you?
thing is I never said yeah to doing it :/
I was literally unable to move or speak I felt frozen in place. I don't wanna be mean either blaming other people because I dont wanna be an asshole? but honestly the more I think about it sometimes I think so yeah
You never agreed to having sex, you also took some pill and you were drinking alcohol. It does sound like this could be considered rape.
damnnnn :( I guess I don't know doesn't make me feel to great knowing that
these emojis r weird too why : (**