How do you live with the fact that you will never talk or see your ex that you loved again :( ?

[Anonymous]

I have an ex, my only one ex, that I loved wholeheartedly when we were young around 21, we had a very difficult relationship because of long distance, we met in person and talked over video many times. He left me and hurt me in different ways, but I am sure he loved me too. He tried to come back to me 2 years and half later but I was already with my now husband.. I didn't reply to his reach out. A year later he tried again to come back and we talked a bit but I had gotten married.. I can't even talk because it is dangerous for me and brings me all sorts of feelings. I love my husband and wouldn't leave him at all, but I greatly miss my ex and think of him. How do i accept or live with the fact that I will never see him or talk to him again forever? Last time i talked with the ex he told me that he finds it very difficult to never see me forever again too. He said he misses me too, but I shut him down because I am married and never talked to him again. How do you survive this painful feeling of knowing someone you love is out there probably with others and you can't do anything about this missing or pain?

[Screenwriter]

You say this person left you and hurt you but for some unfathomable reason you still love him? Something is wrong with this, especially since you have a SO. What, is the husband sloppy seconds?

I advise that you see a therapist and work to get over this person whos sounds inappropriate and who LEFT! This seems like a case of the "grass is greener," or you were very young and you're remembering with "rose-colored glasses."

If this person IS the love of your life, then DIVORCE your husband and go back to him.

I believe there IS a reason you DON'T do this. Explore this with a licensed professional therapist. It's unhealthy to keep mooning over this person.

I have an ex that I loved too, but he mistreated me and we were ill-suited. I no longer love him and don't talk to him, unless it is about helping our son.

Did you leap into this marriage too soon after your breakup? Did you not resolve your misplaced feelings about this mean? Not grieve his loss long enough? All these are reasons why you appear to be "stuck" believing you are still in love with him...

Get help.

[Asker]

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate the insight, if you have more advice please go ahead. I am indeed in therapy now, obviously haven't fully healed yet. I would say i met my now husband about 11 months from my severe heartbreak. I was in a dark dark painful place then met my husband relatively soon after. My therapist says this incident has caused me a severe case of depression and I am indeed trying to get help. But what I don't fully grasp yet, is how are others being able to live with this pain or hurt of losing someone they loved? How do they live with the fact that no matter whose fault it was, you are never going to see or be with that person that you once loved a lot? and yes, at that time i was very young between 21 to 23 and he was my first love, maybe that's why the shock was very big for me.

[Asker]

The reason i am not leaving my husband is that he is a great guy and I do love him a lot, i love the other one too but I have a lot of trauma from him, that even though i love him, it is very hard to get back to him, even though he tried to get back to me a few times over the years.. which has made my confusion or guilt double by time.

[HollyK21]

I think many people have that person, he was your first true love, and he will always hold a special place in your heart. But you’ll never be able to truly move on until you let go. Ask yourself why you’re holding on so tightly, despite being married and in a much better relationship.


You broke up for a reason, and while he was off pursuing whatever he thought was better than being with you, you moved on to someone who never had to think about it and did what any man who truly, genuinely loves you would do. Your ex is back, or keeps coming back, because things aren’t working with the women he’s chasing. Shifting your perspective to look at things like this rather than the rosey version that you’ve romanticized in your mind, will help you live with the reality of things.

[KrakenAttackin]

You mentally delete them. Whenever a thought of them crosses your mind, you immediately suppress it and replace it with something else. Dump their pics, social media, and any other items that remind you of them...**poof** they never existed.

[Asker]

But what about the feeling of the pain or the love for them or the image in your mind? I have failed to delete those for years.. and trust me, I hate it, it has caused me so much misery in my life. Do you have more insight on how to erase it more?

[Asker]

Does it take actively trying not to think of them or remember them? Does it eventually vapor as if they were not a part of your life? Serious question

[BoopBoopBeep]

It's been a decade. You're married. You broke up for a reason.

If none of these are good enough for you then break up with your husband and let him find someone who isn't just pining for someone else the whole time.

[Anonymous]

Be thankful that you don't have a child with him and that that child doesn't looks exactly like him.

I haven't seen my ex in more than a year, and I went on to have his baby who looks exactly like him.

[ArrowheadSW]

I think with time you'll get over it. You are now married and have a different life.

[Anonymous]

Because there are 3.5 billion females on the planet. In that aspect she is not special. I'm not going to beg ANYONE to stay in my life. You want out... there's the door. That's what I say.

[Anonymous]

U are married?