What lessons did you learn from your exes?

Question

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

Too many to list here, but those that immediately come to mind:

1. If a woman and I don't work out, it doesn't mean something is wrong with one or both of us. It just means we aren't a good match. It's not a reason to get depressed and it's not a reason to get mad at her. It is just a reason to move forward.

2. EVERYONE has flaws. EVERYONE. The prettiest girl walking down the street has some issues that will drive you nuts, and there's a few guys somewhere who got tired of fucking her.

3. When you have trouble in a relationship, keep that shit to yourself. Don't tell your friends or family. Once you tell them, they'll hate her; then, when I reconcile with the bitch, they'll still hate her and my life will be MUCH more difficult.

4. Girls are on their best behavior when they are being courted. That's as good as they will ever be; it won't get better after you start living together or after you get married.

5. Most people love who they are and they're not going to change for me or anybody else. Yes, people are CAPABLE of changing, but they don't want to change.

6. Texting is okay for "can you pick up a gallon of milk on the way home?" It is an awful way to try to talk about anything that is important and that has any emotional component to it. If you are so lazy that you want to text instead of talking, the relationship isn't going to last.

7. ANYBODY can be happy taking their girlfriend to DisneyWorld, but you're not going to do that very often. It's more important that you have fun when you go to the grocery store together, or when you're doing household chores, because you'll spend much more of your life doing those things.

8. If you send her flowers, send them to her AT WORK. She wants all the other ladies to see those flowers when they arrive, and she's wants to say "Oh, girls, look what my man sent me!" And the ladies will respond with, "Ok, Amber, you must have been a very good girl. . . or a very bad girl!" And Amber will get this slightly embarrassed look on her face but be secretly thrilled.

9. She will always tell the waiter "no" when he asks about dessert, but she really DOES want dessert. She's just afraid that I'm gpnna think she's a cow if she orders dessert. So I say, "I'd kinda like a dessert, but not a whole one. Amber, would you share a dessert with me?" Now, it has become amatter of her helping me with this situation, and she'll say "sure!" So I ask her to look at the dessert menu, she orders whatever contains the most chocolate, we'll get two forks or spoons and sit closer to eat dessert, and everybody is a winner!

10. Sex is great and it's gotta be there but if that's all you got, you are far from having a solid relationship.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

What NOT to tolerate from women. I look at all of them to be learning experiences. Yes, love, trust, honesty, and loyalty are all important in a relationship. But so is knowing your boundaries and being able to communicate them to your partner.

We all like to think that love is unconditional and endless and that that's what makes it worth fighting for, worth keeping. But the REALITY is it's ALWAYS conditional. Conditional on the fact that that person put forth effort as well.

I'm not with those women anymore because they stopped putting forth that effort, even after I communicated what I needed. What my boundaries were. So they were put back on the street. Or they felt I did not hold up my end. Hopefully if they were right I learned from this and corrected this so I didn't being this into the next relationship.

We as human are lifetime learnners, not just when we're young. You can always improve. Never assume you got life locked. That'll just turn you cynical. And nobody likes a cynical person.

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Accepted Answer

The biggest things he taught me is How to love UNCONDITIONALLY and how to LET GO.

And there are some other lessons:

I should stay myself and a right person will love me, I shouldn’t change for anyone.

That, even if we are as close as two people can get, I should still make him think that he needs to earn me…

I shouldn’t accept being treated the way I don’t deserve to be treated.

He taught me things men do for love and not to accept anything less.

He taught me that looks after all mean nothing.

He taught me so many things I can keep on for ages.

He taught me life.

Gochogirl · Accepted Answer

The main thing I learned is to truly understand they're a separate person with their own goals, fears, histories, etc. I had trouble understanding why exes didn't always do what I wanted. My empathy and understanding has grown wildly since those days.

AviatorTom · Answer

Teo main things... 1. Life goes on 2. We learn from our mistakes

Avicenna · Answer

Don't trust too much...

Anonymous · Answer

Pretty much that I have zero value to women for just existing. That doesn’t mean I should remain forever “special” to anyone if they lost interest.

But a break up is just a cruel reminder that men aren’t respected just for existing. Women only show concern for men if there is something in it for them (they find us attractive, they have feelings, we have money, we help their social status, they need us for some other reason, etc.).

Once a woman no longer finds you valuable you are expendable. Period. It doesn’t matter if you did or didn’t do anything wrong. Doesn’t matter what she said to earlier when she did have feelings. Women say “I love you” as an expression of their feelings. Men are more careful about saying “I love you” because it’s not just an expression of feelings for us. We say that as a pledge of loyalty.

Ugly truth is that women don’t respect men out of sake of principle. No they only show “respect” if there is something in it for them. It’s an evolutionary behavior they have a hard time coming to grips with.

Finchie40 · Answer

Too never give to much , without receiving in return , , never be with someone that doesn’t prioritize you like you prioritize them , Never trust space in a relationship, if someone truly loves you, they won’t need extra space from you period , never fall for that shit Find someone that removes selfishness for you the same way you do for them , We all have selfishness in us , if you can’t remove that for your partner they won’t be able to remove it for you , it needs to go both ways or it won’t work period

CuriousJC · Answer

Never date the same woman more than three times. Because the woman never learns her mistakes in the relationship and she chooses to blame her boyfriend for them instead of taking ownership for them. Then when she wants you back and you moved she complains about it saying that I should have taken responsibilities for her but she's the one who broke up with me. My ex said that she needed time for herself then 3 hours later she's taking pictures with her new boyfriend. My other ex breaks up with me because I refuse to take her out to get her hands and feet done after purchasing a television for $600 for her birthday. My ex blames me for going hysterical on her after she breaks up with me because I'm immature but yet she's the one constantly complaining whenever she can't get her way whether it's the TV remote or the car.

molonski2 · Answer

You dont learn anything from exs or presents for that matter , its just lifes evolution , there is no success / failure that's all complete bs , life is not black/white and life takes us down many differing paths , no one will must marry and live " happily ever after " like 60s - 70s TV , its a fantasy , take the " Brady Bunch " for example , the father was gay , the mother had an affair with the eldest son , one of the sisters is trailer trash..

You dont learn anything , you just grow up an evolve , going though the changing life process , its just a stepping stone.

mobiusforniner · Answer

Due to circumstances we couldnt be. But we didn't want to separate because the heart wants what it wants. The dichotomy was hurting us both and precluding her future. So i let go.

By letting her go, she taught me how to love. The pain of her loss remains painfully unbearable. Its worse than being dead. At least if im dead i dont know im dead. But now, I still feel her heart beating inside mine. Her very memory evokes a cold emptiness in my core and I instinctively clench my chest.

Im still alive.

So in telling her those three words, I love you, she knew I meant it.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Here are the things I've learned from my relationships.

1. There's nothing more destructive than not communicating. When someone stops communicating, there is NEVER anything good going on.

2. Anything short of an enthusiastic yes should be treated as a hard no.

3. The friends surrounding a relationship are more important than the person you're in a relationship with.

4. It is 1,000% worth it to put in the effort to acknowledge the person. Just take the 3 seconds required to acknowledge the person.

Reem12345reem · Answer

always choose yourself bc it's not worth it , after the breakup , i only cried bc i lost myself and did anything to make the rltp work and sacrificed my time and energy , i didn't cry over him bc he wasn't worth it , the only thing i honestly regretted was about me and not him and i ended up hating myself but im really thankful bc now i would put myself first all the time 👽💅

AydenHazor · Answer

Not to take the shit I used to take, but to stand up for myself and not allow myself to be manipulated and verbally and emotionally abused as I was in the past. I've learned more about my self worth from healing from past relationships than from being in them

Anonymous · Answer

I learned not to simp, that women can be as equally shitty as men.

That women when the relationship ends due to their cheating or abusive behaviour will play the victim. A go to move for women is to claim domestic abuse and make false rape claims. That women do not like to be dumpedeven if they are the ones cheating and planning to leave you for another man.

If I'm dating a girl now and she tells me a dob story about how bad her ex was to her I dont automatically believe her.

ManOnFire · Answer

1. Just because they seem sweet and the most loving doesn't mean they will never leave you.
2. Consider that something you say or do could hurt them too and trigger some kind of traumatic memory, even if you didn't mean to hurt them whatsoever.
3. Their silence tells you much more about them than you really realized.
4. A relationship can still be surprisingly very meaningful even without a lot of sex.

Anonymous · Answer

That women cannot be trusted, and they can go from friend to worst enemy in five seconds flat. I learned that women are the best dream killers ever, even better than heroin. Women will suck all of your resources and mental energy than blame you for "not being the man she fell for anymore". In divorce she will absolutely destroy the family just as casually as she flushes a toilet. Women do not care about the effect on children AT ALL and of course they don't care about the man.

Most women don't give a fuck about any men, to include their fathers, brothers, husbands, and sons. Women act like they care but they don't. Just look at how women set their son's up for failure with women.

Most women have had too many casual sexual partners to bond with a man, so they are badly damaged before you even meet them.

Aside from occasional sex women add zero value to a man's life.

Sugar100 · Answer

1. It’s very important to have good communication.
2. To make sure you guys are on same page from early on in relationship so he don’t waste your time.

3. Very important to meet family as soon as possible or else it can also lead to waste of time.

4. Dating for many years don’t mean it is serious relationship.

5. You can’t force someone to change as they won’t change ever.

Anonymous · Answer

1. Don't spoil her, she will get used to it and will leave as soon as you decide to dial back to save your money.

2. Don't tell her your problems, she will lose respect for you.

3. Expect everything to go wrong within an instant; don't get too attached. The only one you can trust at the end of the day is yourself.

YollyM · Answer

Being inlove with someone doesn't necessarily mean that you two are compatible and being compatible with someone doesn't necessarily mean that you are/will be inlove.

Slingblade1126 · Answer

That women actually do like romance. In my early relationships, I definitely lacked it, thinking girls really didn't expect it anymore. I was wrong but luckily I did change that for the better as I grew as a person.

sheenagwapa · Answer

no long courtship, yes to marriage immediately if offered... i simply don't like wastinh time anymore

Juxtapose · Answer

Don't ever get with someone who's not as into you as you are into them and don't tolerate a person who is too sensitive and can't agree to disagree.

RealMarek · Answer

Learn the symptoms of personality disorders and if a woman has one think twice before getting into a relationship with her.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Stay away from insecure men that have an axe to grind.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

That some people can really change and do not keep their promises and become a whole new person that seems totally different from the one that you knew...

Bricealan · Answer

Don't take life too seriously... you won't get out alive anyway.

worldscolide · Answer

My most recent ex? Women are just abusive if not WAY more abusive than men are.. And that they can never be trusted. Thankfully my wife is nothing like her, even still it took me nearly 2 years to fully trust her.

ThatRandomOne · Answer

that when people don't learn from their mistakes, are doomed to wonder why it's always same shit but different day.

Not sure the question really applies to me though. I have certainly learned that. But I lack exes.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

If she won't fuck you anymore, LEAVE HER, FAST!! No point in wasting anymore of your time on her!! Chances are, she's fucking someone else, anyway.

NYCQuestions1976 · Answer

Divorce can be a source of happiness and celebration.

Viktor001 · Answer

Learn what kind of a person they are before you are into it too deep and get hurt.

ohsheeT · Answer

Never ever put myself in another position to have another EX ever

SolitarySolace · Answer

I learned to stay single. That the only women I’ll ever have relationships with will have mental disorders and want to eventually see me in jail for no good reason.

Anonymous · Answer

Women's intuition is almost always right, and just because your girlfriend doesn't react doesn't mean she's oblivious to me going out with another woman.

Granted this was in my teens, but I'll always remember. 😂

sepehril · Answer

That even if the girl says she doesn't think about marriage, she do 😏

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

I leaned that life moves on & so do relationships.

Beautyblossom2 · Answer

that everyone's different so they have different values and preference for diff stuff

CuriousMufuxka · Answer

Stop committing to stupid bitches you dumbass! In other words I learned nothing :(

rienna888 · Answer

That stinginess is the most attractive trait a partner could have. I had an ex who was stingy and also abusive

OddBeMe · Answer

Learned a lot from each. Not that there was many. But certainly clothing styles. Confidence. Etc. We all learn something from all of our relationships.

pervertedjester · Answer

no matter how hard you try the natural state of a woman is leaving

Christoff92 · Answer

Just walk away and move on. Life shows many open doors. Don't want to keep on going towards that same door.

Xwtxx · Answer

One best lesson is to listen better. This is something that I failed in my past relationships.

Shashou2210 · Answer

I have to improve my listening skills and be more assertive.

Andres77 · Answer

That i really can’t figure women out so it’s best I stay single.

hardboiledink · Answer

Don't be so mean. Talk things out. Really try to control your emotions and being triggereed

trexxx707 · Answer

That without sexual chemistry the relationship is doomed eventually. It's too important to me to be negotiable in a relationship going forward

dudeinohio · Answer

Communicate better, be polite, never take anything for granted.

LiamJHayden · Answer

That even when she is wonderful, she might not be the right one for me.

boobliker · Answer

not much from any of them but got really good sex from their friends

shades777 · Answer

nothing, their all different, i learned more about what i like if anything

Guardian45 · Answer

Be a better communicator. Listening and speaking and non-verbal!

Kaylawinters11 · Answer

What I really want out of a relationship and in a partner. What I actually find attractive and unattractive (personality traits).

Anonymous · Answer

Do not trust anyone ever not in the slightest bit

Peter_Penetrator · Answer

Not to marry a narcissist.

Anonymous · Answer

They like to hear compliments every day and to be entertained often

aaron210419 · Answer

Now I know what a narcissist is

serious · Answer

I have always been single.

elizamichale1 · Answer

That i shouldn't trust so quickly

MaxUsefull · Answer

Always pay attention to signs

whistlingwh0res · Answer

I have to take care of myself first

Alex-Snow · Answer

To communicate more

BrookeS · Answer

If one is about to throw a knife, duck

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