Why are men so fast to look for someone else?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now. I truly thought we were in love. That’s how he acted. I recently had a bad situation and I had to get the cops involved due to poor actions he made. He was becoming abusive. I know that’s already enough to read to tell me I need to move on. There’s a protection order in place for a month so we never officially broke up, but the order prevents us from resolving things. it’s been extremely hard, we used to spend every day together. I’ve been really struggling, we still follow each other on all social media platforms. He hasn’t deleted any pictures of me. He’s been messaging my bestfriend on Snapchat saying how he wishes him and I can just talk, how he’s so depressed, etc. for a second I was like ok maybe he feels remorse finally. At first he was being very dismissive and putting the blame onto me and not understanding the severity of things on his end. As I’m dealing with this new normal and just focusing on myself, somehow things keep getting back to me. A ex friend who I had a falling out with and haven’t spoken to in years texted me the other night saying she saw him on tinder. He messaged my bestfriend and said he’s so depressed and it was just for “distraction”. I know it’s messy to have my friend and him interacting during this time especially a legal issue, but he keeps messaging her acting like he misses me and wants to make things right. He said the same thing to her today and messaged her again just saying the same thing, he wishes we could talk. Just when I think he’s self reflecting and reality is finally setting in on how it’s like to be without me, I got a message from a random girl on fb asking if I’m still dating him. We all know what that means. I go on his profile, and he UNTAGGED himself from my one year anniversary post to him just this past September. This is just getting embarrassing. We’ve had serious talks about next steps in life together, so I don’t understand how it’s so easy for him to move on.

[ohsheeT]

Take a deep breath relax

There's nothing that anybody can say that will take away the pain that you might feel at this moment

But he truly showed you who he was and then and now

You have to look at things in a different view not for what you're losing but for what you're gaining

This is just a moment in time that you're going to experience something for the best I know it kind of sounds stupid but it is true

You sound like you have a very beautiful heart it sounds like you know what you want and where you're headed and you're not going to get there with a guy like that

Just like you have your girlfriend doing your talking for you

How do you know that the girl that sent you a message which is very unlikely that would even happen in real life but it did I guess or is it a manipulation

If a guy truly loves you he's going to take this time this 30 days and he's going to get help with whatever problems that he's going through he's going to prove it to you that way he's not going to make you feel bad feel guilty about the things in his past he's going to prove to you who he is right now not what happened back then because back then it doesn't matter because he did what he did

As I read your words I'm thinking you're a pretty good catch and I'm thinking that no matter what happens if you go back to him he's going to do the same thing again it might take a little bit of time but I believe that he will probably do it again

Nobody can make this choice for you except for yourself I think you know in your heart the right thing to do

But it all depends on what wins out loneliness some other girl that might have him if that's true he's going to do the same thing to her you know that don't you if it's true

I think you probably have too much going for you to lose it to somebody who's going to treat you the way they did if you really did love you he would be getting help right now to understand why he did what he did

[coachTanthony]

If they are looking then you ain't it. You're just a place holder.

[Sorrento-Sun]

Some guys don't move on quickly or easily. My cousin hasn't moved on from his ex who broke his heart 12 years ago.

But people who do move on quickly are generally strongminded people who refuse to let a past relationship stop them from moving forward in life, despite their hurt.

[molonski2]

The relationship was well and truly over the minute you took out the intervention order , of course he is going to move on , and that was the correct thing to do - enough said , anything else is wasting time.

[Asker]

I called the cops to escort him out of my apartment because he was refusing to leave after hitting me and destroying my things. I never called for a domestic dispute but the state I live in takes all of that very seriously. So the order was not up to me. Of course he can move on, but my question is just like why act like you care and love me still and wanna fix things when the time is right while you’re pursuing other women. Was just asking for a man’s perspective on the way y’all think

[Asker]

To paint a picture, basically, if I posted a picture or anything with another guy this soon after everything went down, he would lose his mind and call me every name in the book. But he claims he’s so depressed and hurting so bad from this, yet he’s trying to get at several women instead of taking this time to work on himself. It’s just bizzare to me. I don’t get it. If rolls were reversed? He would be livid.

[molonski2]

Thats all up to him , just be glad its all over and be happy to be rid of him , its someone elses problem now , move on , look forward.

[Anonymous]

Because you got the law in to his behavior, they won't go away so best to cut strings and move to the next one

[Asker]

Thankyou! I would’ve never had to get the law involved if he was able to control his anger and not put me in an unsafe predicament. He knows what he did. I don't know if he’s just using this time to talk to girls cause he feels lonely but it’s just weird. You cannot turn feelings off that quickly. This all happened a week ago.

[Opinion Owner]

He's an abuser, the feelings he had were a masquerade over his true intentions so they could be turned out like a lightswitch

[Willlovewinintheend]

The same reason why women are.

[Asker]

Oh yeah of course, but as a man, especially one that never seemed like a player and is extremely emotional, how could you do all of that? ^ he’s extremely emotional, he’s always been the guy that is overly protective. So in a woman’s mind it makes no sense a guy like that can switch up so fast and easily looking for any and everything on the market.

[In_Trance]

For the same reason women are